How to Have a Happy Thanksgiving After Divorce

What will Thanksgiving Day, be like for you? Are you looking forward to the celebration or dreading it?

For many people who have been through a divorce, this is a very tough day. Even years after the ink on the divorce decree has dried, Thanksgiving can be quite difficult to get through, especially if you are a parent. Will you be exchanging children? Will your ex-spouse be present at the family gathering? No doubt, there can be many uncomfortable circumstances that turn what is supposed to be a day of gratitude and family warmth into a day of wrestling demons. Surely, there's got to be a way to make Thanksgiving truly a day to be grateful, right?

I distinctly remember feeling this way in the years that followed my divorce. I always dreaded the holidays. I would try to find ways to pump up my attitude and not become lost in self-pity and at times it seemed almost impossible to find a way to put a smile on my face for the family gathering. But in time, I learned a great way to help myself out of the deep dark hole of anxiety and depression, something I found in the example of St. Therese of Lisieux and one I would like to share with you in case you're in need of help. It's a beautiful way to find gratitude amidst your trials and tribulations, and actually turn your pain into a gift that has eternal value.

Turn Your Pain Into Passion

St. Therese of Lisieux, or as she is popularly known, "The Little Flower of Jesus" was a Carmelite nun who suffered greatly during her short life, beginning when she was a young girl and culminating in her death from Tuberculosis at the age of 24. During her years as a postulant and nun, Therese cultivated one of the deepest and most profound ways of living the Christian life, the Little Way, which was rooted in proving her love for Christ and others through small, daily acts of charity. Life at the convent was quite challenging for Therese and often those difficulties came from the nuns, themselves. But instead of retaliation or returning uncharitableness with the same, Therese would pray for these who had hurt her, asking God to reward anyone who had hurt her or caused her grief because they had given her a chance to suffer. She considered suffering to be a great gift which she always offered for souls.

When I first read about this I was shocked and appalled. Asking God to bless someone because they hurt me? Impossible! Where is the justice? There is no possible way I'm going to ask God to bless my ex-spouse for what he's done is precisely what my thoughts were. But a seed was planted in my heart and after some time of reflecting on what St. Therese did, I realized that is precisely what true love is... shocking. True love gives and gives to the point people are completely blown away by the level of generosity. True love kills the offender with kindness.

Living the Little Way After Divorce

In my video production, Voices of Hope, many divorced men and women give their testimonies about their struggles and triumphs with divorce. Mary M. is one of those on the video who really emulates the kind of selflessness shown by St. Therese. In the segment on Finding Forgiveness, she says:

We often hear about parents who use their children to spite their ex-spouses or use them as pawns and you don't understand those feelings if you've never been in those shoes. It would be easy for me to do this. But in the end, I have to say no to that because I love my children far more than I love the opportunity to spite my ex-husband for what he's done. Right now, the biggest gift I can give my kids is the gift of their father, and... I have to give it to them.

I am just as affected by Mary's generosity today as I was the day I heard her make that statement. Since she was also my personal friend, I watched her put that into action through working hard to be cordial as she and her ex-spouse exchanged children, offering up the agony of seeing her children go off with her ex-husband and his soon-to-be new wife, and praying that God would dissolve any feelings of anger and bitterness toward him so she could bring peace to her family.

Dealing with divorce and all its painful circumstances is never easy, but I offer you these thoughts with the hope you will follow St. Therese's Little Way and make this Thanksgiving Day a gift of real love. And it is in this Little Way, you can find everything you need to not only find gratitude in the midst of your suffering, but a life preserver to take you safely and calmly through the holiday season and into new chapters of your life.

I am so grateful for all your feedback, comments and questions! Just email me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com if you have a question and if you are feeling emotionally "stuck", check out my Weekly Inspirations podcast for a dose of holy motivation.