He Saw His Friend In Her Photos!
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Matt, a physical therapist from a Chicago suburb, was scrolling through CatholicMatch one September day in 2019 and clicked on Clare’s profile. As he read through the written portions and then looked through her pictures, he described his first impression as a “cute girl from Peoria” (a central Illinois town roughly three hours away, where he’d attended graduate school), followed by “[she seems] fun-loving.” Thirdly, he was startled to see his college friend Jake in multiple pictures. Quickly he realized, “Oh shoot, this is Jake’s sister!”
He waited to meet her in person...
As Divine Providence would have it, Matt was already slated to be an usher in Jake’s upcoming wedding the month following. Though he was unconcerned about the possibility of messaging her, asking her on a date, it not going well, and then seeing her at the wedding, timing-wise he opted to wait to introduce himself in person.
She had seen his profile previously, but…
For her part, Clare, a second-shift emergency room nurse, had previously seen Matt’s profile, and was surprised to find that both their profiles mentioned chickens! More generally, each had an interest in hobby farming. Still, Clare automatically ruled him out based on age. He is 6 years older than she and her dating policy at the time was a 5-years-or-less age difference.
They officially met at a wedding (weekend)!
Since Clare was a bridesmaid and Matt was an usher, they both attended multiple events over the course of the wedding weekend but had no direct interaction. Fortunately for Matt, he and Jake’s mutual friend Kyle was a groomsman and had more opportunity to interact with Clare. Kyle gave two thumbs up of approval to Matt’s plan of getting to know her better.
Looking back, Clare recalled that she “definitely noticed Matt” during the rehearsal, specifically that “he seemed unattached.” But, she also pointed out, he “seemed a little serious and aloof, like Mr. Darcy” from the Jane Austen book Pride and Prejudice! Fortunately for Matt again, he and Kyle both hitched a ride from the wedding rehearsal to the rehearsal dinner with Clare and Jake’s older sister. Consequently, when Clare later mentioned meeting Matt but being unsure about going on a date, her older sister encouraged her “Clare, go for it! He seems like a great guy!”
His last chance to impress her...
The rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and wedding all happened without Matt and Clare officially meeting. The reception was his last chance of the weekend. He also knew that his ride back to the hotel (with Kyle and his family) would be leaving early due to the kids’ bedtimes. In Matt’s words, he eventually “burst into a conversation” between Clare and her cousin Mike, another usher. In true usher-bro fashion, Mike was all smiles and helpfulness as Matt proceeded to dance with Clare. Before the evening ended - later than originally planned because he found an alternate ride- Matt and Clare danced no less than four times. This was a feat of perseverance on Matt’s part since Clare had her eye on another guy at the reception who she’d been on one successful blind date with previously, and she even ducked out at one point to “get water” in hopes of talking to him.
At the last possible moment, before the evening ended, Matt approached Clare, saying bluntly, “Under normal circumstances, this would have been really smooth and natural and not abrupt at all. My first ride already left, my second ride’s about to leave, so I wanted to see if you would like to go out on a date?” Matt already had plans to attend another friend’s wedding in Clare’s hometown of Peoria the weekend following, and he asked her to get together the day after. She agreed.
She brought a change of clothes to their first date.
On their first date, Matt and Clare attended Mass together and then had a picnic. Matt was surprised when after the meal Clare told him she had to change clothes! She’d asked him beforehand what to wear, and he’d told her to dress for “light picnic games,” which in his mind meant tossing a frisbee around or something with a similar level of exertion. But Clare came ready for a full workout! Matt discovered then that she was a little bit competitive!
Long-distance and COVID...
After that first date, Matt and Clare began dating exclusively. The couple found that they both enjoyed being active, being outdoors, hiking, and “doing adventurous things together.” Since Clare had previously scheduled two extended trips with minimal opportunity for communication, she started writing letters to Matt before the second of the trips. Clare described the content of her letters as “the first time I was ever a true dork with him.” Matt remarked, “I’m really grateful now that [the letter-writing] was a thing because it’s a beautiful thing to see your falling-in-love period documented.”
As the months went by and their relationship deepened, they began to discuss whether Matt should move to Peoria as another level of discernment on the path to marriage. But right around that time, COVID struck. Suddenly, Matt recalled, “there were no outpatient physical therapy jobs, because everything was shut down.” They ultimately discerned that Matt would move to Peoria as planned. For a time, he took a job as a certified nursing assistant (CNA) until a physical therapist position opened.
The proposal!
In June of 2020, Matt was ready to propose. He told Clare that he wanted to take her to a fancy dinner on June 13th for their seven-month dating anniversary, and they stopped by their parish church beforehand to pray. Clare smiled, remembering “I did think something was up when Eucharistic Adoration was underway during an uncharacteristic hour.” But their pastor, who was praying when they arrived, played it cool by excusing himself to “take an important call,” leaving them alone in the church. Suddenly, Matt “pulled her out to the center aisle, dropped to a knee, and proposed!” Neither Matt nor Clare remember just what he said, but at the end they were engaged!
Then, the wedding!
Clare characterized their engagement period as challenging but spiritually fruitful. She shared, “It’s hard because you realize ‘we’re committed to each other and we want to live like we’re already married!’ The anticipation and attraction are both so high!” Matt and Clare were married in an intimate ceremony with just the wedding party and a few family members on January 30th of 2021. Once COVID restrictions eased, they celebrated with a much larger crowd on July 17th of that year. And on November 15th, 2021, they welcomed their first child, Abraham!
Words of advice...
Asked what advice he’d give singles considering trying CatholicMatch, Matt said, “Get over yourself! I had reservations, but after thinking about it, my hesitation was more about pride and baseless stigma. It was very providential for us that despite Clare "ruling out" Matt based on his profile that we happened to meet in person, but God can work through Catholic Match just as much as he can work through meeting at a friends wedding.”
Clare noted, “I believe each guy I spoke with taught me something more about what I was or was not looking for in a husband.” Previously, her lack of peace with different dates had always cued her to move on. But as she described, “something was different with Matt because there WAS so much peace and joy surrounding getting to know him. It was a gift of the Holy Spirit and a sign that here was the man for me!”