First Date Dilemma: To Go or Not To Go

I spent some time recently talking to a friend about what we fondly call the “First Date Dilemma.” The Dilemma, as we commonly refer to it, is what happens when a guy—who you are not romantically interested in—asks you on a date? I discovered that my friend and I are on completely opposite sides of this issue. It seems to me that the jury is still out as to whether or not you should actually proceed with the date.

I strongly believe that the right thing to do in dealing with the Dilemma is to accept. She believes just as strongly that you should not. We have agreed to disagree on this issue and incredibly enough I feel that we could both be correct. For the sake of argument however, I am going to present my case here and eagerly await your wonderful feedback.

The major reason why I believe that one should accept the date is because—whether it is online or in person—it must be tremendously difficult for a man to take the initial step of asking out a woman.

Can you imagine the fear of rejection?

Honestly, the thought of it makes me cringe. I don’t care how self-assured a man is, I cannot believe that it doesn’t hurt him to be turned down. I just don’t see how that is of benefit to either party. I am not implying that we women accept these dates as pity dates or on principle. I believe instead that accepting a date under these circumstances actually encourages men to seek dates with women in the interest of “getting to know you better.” And isn’t that what we women have a tendency to complain about—why do most of the guys I know never take the step of actually initiating a real date?

Unless a woman has a strong intuition about someone (and I absolutely believe that you always follow your instincts!), I just wholeheartedly reject the idea that it is better to not “lead a man on.” I fail to see how accepting a first date is anything other than kind and encourages men to ask women out. We aren’t getting ready to walk down the aisle, folks—we are just having some friendly get-to-know-you conversation along with maybe lunch and some bowling. I do not understand how this can be interpreted as leading someone on. Four or five dates under these circumstances might be, but not one.

Finally, I also believe that members of both sexes may need to date numerous people before finding the one that God has chosen for you. Each opportunity to get to know someone brings with it the ability to both practice our relationship skills and the chance to make new friends. It is also a window into helping find nice men for our single girlfriends. I might not be interested in astrophysics, but my friend Janine might be—perhaps I can arrange an introduction. I reject the idea that this is wrong. As an objective person, I can see common similarities between two people that might not know each other. Isn’t this a great way to make connections?

Okay, so say you accept the initial date. What then? That, my friends, is a question for another blog post. Before we go there, what do you think—accept the date or say no thank you?