4 Reasons to Take Another Look at the Annulment Process

I was speaking with a woman about her recent divorce and I mentioned she should pursue an annulment. All of a sudden her demeanor became quite intense.

I don't believe in the annulment process!

When I asked her why she was opposed, she rattled off a string of standard mistruths about the process, all of which had stood in the way of her finding the complete peace and healing she so badly wanted. She is only one of many Catholics who have avoided the annulment process because of false rumors.

There are so many myths and misconceptions out there about the Catholic annulment process that are perpetuated and lead people to decide they want nothing to do with it. I find this very sad because there is so much opportunity for healing that is being missed. Technically, the annulment process is only obligatory if you believe you will want to get married again in the future, but the process is not just a tool. There is so much to gain from going through this process, if you approach it with a heart that is open to seeking God's will and desires healing.

Last week, I wrote about my conversation with Brian Patrick, anchor and executive producer of EWTN's News Nightly, and his remarkable "come back" story after surviving divorce and coming to terms with his alcoholism. His words bring hope to those who have been feeling like a second-class citizen because of their divorces.

Today, I would like to share with you Brian's advice for those who have avoided the annulment process in hopes it will help you if, indeed, you are struggling with this decision and would like to find more healing.

Brian, what are your thoughts on the Catholic annulment process?

At first, the annulment process was something I resisted because I didn't believe it was necessary or biblically-based. I just didn't believe it was something I needed to do. But about 5 or 6 years ago as I became more and more visible to the public as a representative of EWTN, I started to think it would be the right thing to. As I did this I realized that, the 12-step program I had been in helped me make many amends along the way, but it was the annulment process that truly helped me to see why my marriage had not been sacramental and what the roots were that lay at the heart of that problem... my alcoholism, family history, and so on. The annulment process helped me to see more clearly the purpose God has for my life and become willing to go where he sends me and do the work he has for me.

Do you have any advice to encourage divorced Catholics who may be feeling discouraged about the annulment process?

Yes, I would encourage anyone who is skeptical of the annulment process to take another look. It is there for a reason. Whatever demons you might have to face, don't alienate yourself from the Church, because it is the only place that offers real healing.

Having gone through the annulment process myself, I agree with Brian and hope you will consider trying it if you are struggling with this decision. Here are some reasons I believe it is worth your time:

1. Accepting the truth about what happened. The annulment process helps you take an honest look at what happened in your relationship with your ex-spouse and accept the truth about what happened. This helps you avoid having the victim mentality and placing the blame on others.

2. Learning from your mistakes. The annulment process lays out the "big picture" for you so you can understand what led to your divorce in a more objective way. It also prepares you for making better choices the next time around.

3. Learning to trust in God. At a time in your life when trust in others is typically at an all-time low, it is important to turn to God for answers and guidance. The annulment process helps with this because after you have provided your explanation of what happened and all other testimonies are gathered, you have an opportunity to place your trust in God's plan while you wait for the final determination.

4. Gaining complete confidence in the direction you take in life. No matter what decision the tribunal returns, you will have a clear direction to take with many possibilities to find happiness.

If you would like to have accurate answers to the myths and misunderstandings surrounding the annulment process, check out our resource page and read our helpful handout:  The Top 10 Myths About the Annulment Process.

Feel free to email me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com with any questions.