Do Romance Movies Mess With Your Brain?

With Valentine's Day this week, and people still celebrating, you may have watched some romance movies, a.k.a chick flicks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn1lMpOrQsc

Unlike the above movie, most romance movies have sex scenes which give us unrealistic fantasies and worse, condition us to behave similarly. But what about clean movies? Even a clean romance movie can give us unrealistic expectations and make it hard for us to be content with a genuine but everyday love.

I'm not saying give them up entirely—that's not fun. Just keep them in perspective. For instance, the hero above may be a great kisser, but he's also extremely high maintenance.

The thing about most romance movies is that they end just when the couple is at its happiest together, and you simply assume all will go well from now on. Kiss. Cut. Fade out.

But one of my favorite romance movies takes an opposite view.

The movie is Marty, 1955. I know it's old but it is a classic in every sense of the word. It won eighteen awards, including four Oscars.

Ernest Borgnine portrays a plain, hard working, nice guy who is frustrated with dating (or lack thereof) until...

He meets Clara, a plain, shy, school teacher.

Marty and Clara are not rich or beautiful; they're past the usual age for marrying in those days; and they're about as glamorous as two bricks. It kind of amazes me that they came to the screen during the Golden Age of Hollywood, which typically celebrated all the things they weren't. But everybody was rooting for their love. There was something about them that we recognized.

They were vulnerable. They were us.

They meet at a dance hall where all the hotties go. Marty asks a woman to dance but she makes up an excuse. Meanwhile, Clara's blind date offers to pay Marty to take her home so he can take home a hottie he met.

Dismayed, Marty sees Clara run out of the room. He follows her and finds her crying outside. He forgets his own disappointment and gallantly asks her to dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAnOnVKwzk

Later, they go to a coffee shop and talk for hours. And they go deep.

Marty: Well, let me tell you, Clara. I think you're kiddin' yourself. I mean, I used to think about leaving home, you know, and that's what I used to say: 'My mother needs me.' But, when you really come down to it, that ain't it at all. We're just afraid to go out on our own. I - I mean, it's a big step when you go out on your own. And, well, I think you're kiddin' yourself when you say your father needs you. Actually, you need your father. You know what I mean? 

Clara: I'm afraid of being lonely.

Marty: You won't be so lonely. You'll make friends right away.

Clara: Actually, I don't make friends easily.

Marty: Well, what are ya talkin' about? You're a real likeable person. You'll have people visitin' ya all the time. Oh, I'll come up and visit ya...It'll be real nice. Don't be so afraid.

At one point, Marty asks Clara if she's Catholic. She is.

But just when things are going so well, everyone in Marty's life turns on him. His friends, his mother, his brother. Their fears come out. They put Clara down. They put marriage down. They tell Marty Clara is a dog and he can do better.

Real life is confusing and complicated.

Marty begins to doubt. Suddenly love isn't just about his own personal satisfaction as he thought. It's every bit a risk. It will upset his life. It will take him out of his comfort zone. It will force him to choose. He's going to have to stand up to everyone that matters to him and for what? He has no way of knowing if it'll even work out.

Here's a romance movie that will make you ask the big questions: What does real love look like? How can you be worthy of it? What does it take to make love last? And, unlike every other romance movie ever made, what if your first kiss completely misses the target?

Real life people are awkward. Real life love is awkward. Not just at its beginnings but throughout the ongoing challenges of love. You can't leave Marty assuming that from here on out everything will go well, but you can leave knowing that Marty is committed. Come what may.

Check it out for a post-Valentine's Day treat. You'll see why Marty —like the best marriages—has stood the test of time.