Do Divorced People Really Need to Sacrifice More for Lent?

Lent is upon us and the penances commence. I think it's safe to say most people don't relish the thought of making sacrifices and I'm sure it's partly due to the fact that we are a fairly spoiled generation. We can pretty much get whatever we want whenever we want it these days. Nearly everything is available in an instant download or overnight shipping. Heck, in some areas of the country, you can order a meal from a restaurant 50 miles away and have a drone deliver it to your doorstep within an hour. I'd say we've gotten pretty used to having things our way.

Many times when we're faced with the prospect of having to do without something we love for an extended period of time, a little panic might set in. Indecisiveness takes hold and then we might start over-analyzing which sacrifice we will commit to making for the 40 days of Lent. We look to see what sacrifices others are making and wonder if they will think our sacrifice is challenging enough. Oh, the stresses we place on ourselves!

Now, tack on the fact that you are divorced and Lent can seem 100 times more painful. You know you're already making tremendous sacrifices simply by virtue of the loss of your marriage and possibly being a single parent. You might feel like you're already sacrificing enough. With all the worries, responsibilities, court dates and kids' schedules, now I have to give up something I find comforting like chocolate or a glass of wine? Why do I have to heap extra sacrifices upon my already painful existence?

Don't overthink Lent.

You don't. Don't overthink Lent. Try to remember what Lent is really about... love.

The essence of any sacrifice should be love. When we freely sacrifice something during Lent, the goal is to do it out of love for God. Let this liturgical season of atonement refocus your attention on the merciful nature of God's love and let that be your guide for the remaining weeks of Lent. Then, consider this option for your Lenten sacrifice: Be merciful toward your ex-spouse.

How to be merciful to your ex-spouse

No matter what your situation, resolving to show your ex-spouse mercy is an excellent way to live the season of Lent and this can take many forms. Maybe you can commit to making encounters with your ex-spouse as peaceful as possible. Stay level-headed in conversations and don't give in to angry words or get dragged into fights, even if your ex-spouse is being antagonistic. Maybe you could pray for him or her each day. You can even show mercy to your ex-spouse by making the effort to speak charitably about him or her to your children and others.

Doing this might make it seem as if your ex-spouse is suddenly off the hook and bears no responsibility for the pain that was inflicted by the decision to divorce, and I understand this perception well. We desire justice for the very unjust way we've been treated, and it can be difficult to come to terms with the idea that showing forgiveness and mercy toward your ex-spouse is a good thing. But, there is no loss of justice when you show mercy to those who have hurt you.

Recognizing the hurt can open forgiveness

Pope Francis recently addressed this very concern for those who have trouble reconciling the need to be merciful with their desire for justice, citing "The Bible proposes a different form of justice, in which the victim invites the guilty party to convert, helping him to understand the harm he has done and appealing to his conscience. In this way, recognizing his blame, he can open up to the forgiveness that the injured party offers."

This is such a beautiful analogy of the role mercy plays in all our lives, and precisely the way God loves us. I invite you to consider this as you continue your journey through Lent, especially in contemplating Christ's words in the gospel of Matthew: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

Got questions? Feel free to send them to asklisa@catholicmatch.com.