Dawn-58330: 'I Want To Have Faith Like A Child'

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Staff Writer in Single Living

I turn 40 this Lent. I can’t say I am dreading this birthday or eagerly anticipating it. A part of me is a little heartbroken I am crossing over one of the last vestiges of youth. In my head, I am still a young girl. I don’t feel like I’m 40, but what does 40 feel like?

In Biblical terms, it is a “very long time.” A long time in the desert. A long time of rain and flood. A long time of facing temptation and hunger. A long time of prayer and solitude.

I’m walking through this Lent – as I’ve walked through most of them – alone. While I am surrounded by friends and family, I see the Lenten journey as one that I take myself.

Of course, Jesus is my companion with whom I seek out some heart-to-hearts. His Sacred Heart to my somewhat stony one.

Forty years does a number on a heart. I am recommitting myself to pursuing heart health – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Living alone means being life coach, motivator, punisher and consoler all rolled into one.

I’ve been a CatholicMatch member for seven years, a “very long time.” My stony heart – one that has become a little jaded, cynical, broken, impatient and doubtful – needs to soften and open.

I want to have again faith like a child. I want to believe again whole-heartedly that love and my dreams are within grasp. Putting my piglet heart (as I call it) in the Sacred Heart of Jesus is the best medicine. It doesn’t guarantee that my heart won’t get hurt. In fact, it is a sure path to the pain of the Cross. But it does mean that my heart will beat with Love.

Create in me a clean heart, O Lord.

Reflection question: How can you soften your heart?

Editor's note

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