Christmas-Proof Your Marriage

Early on in my married life, I realized the special kind of stress the holiday season can put on a marriage. We each come into a marriage with our very own set of holiday emotional baggage. Seemingly simple decisions such as dinner menus, when, how, and where to put up the tree, gift-giving protocol, and whether or not to “do” Santa become fraught with opportunities for conflict. Throw in some financial stress and over-booked calendars and you’ve got a homemade recipe for something quite a bit different from “peace on earth.”

Here’s some help for protecting your marriage from external stresses this year:

Pause. When your internal pressure cooker is set to “high” and your beloved suggests you host an impromptu Open House and invite all the neighbors ... stop. Pause. Take a breath before responding. Is your spouse trying to send you over the edge or is he or she just feeling generous and jolly? Try to see things from your spouse’s point of view before giving in to the temptation to tell them they’re out of their mind.

Spend time together. It’s always important for couples to make time for each other, but even more so during stressful times. Set aside an evening or two each week to just hang out together. No wrapping or baking — just the two of you, talking, sipping eggnog, and snuggling in the glow of the tree. Enjoy the holidays together!

Talk. Don’t assume your spouse knows you are maxed out just because it’s obvious to you. If you’ve got a lot on your plate and feel dangerously close to “freak out” mode, do everyone a favor and give your husband or wife a heads up. Also, be sure to talk through your expectations and obligations for Christmastime. A little communication ahead of time goes a long way toward avoiding misunderstandings and conflict.

Give in. You want to open presents Christmas Eve because that’s what your family always did. Your husband says that every decent family waits until after Mass on Christmas morning. Compromise if you can, but otherwise convince yourself to let these small decisions go. Recognize that the family you have now is a different one from the one you grew up in; it will have its own set of Christmas rituals and traditions. And that’s okay. In fact, it can be very nice if you embrace it instead of fighting it.

See the big picture. Your in-laws keep “popping by” with battery-operated pieces of plastic, the dog knocks over the tree, the cookies came out burned on the bottom and raw in the middle, and your cards are going out late. Ask yourself: Will any of these stresses and annoyances matter a hundred years from now? Next month? Next week? Even the day after tomorrow? Turn the whole mess over to Baby Jesus — He can take it. And while you’re at it, turn your heart a little further in his direction too. You’ll find peace and perspective there next to the manger bed.