Hi Lisa,
I write to you because I'm frustrated. I've been a member of CatholicMatch for over 8 years, and, much to my chagrin, I've yet to meet Mr. Right. I've had a few dates because of the site, but nothing serious or long-term. I've even encouraged friends to join the site, and now those friends are married (thanks to CatholicMatch). Do you have any advice for me? I follow the online dating do's and don'ts, and I'm just so tired of being passed by. If you have any suggestions for me, or someone like me, that'd be great.
- Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I can certainly commiserate with what you're going through. I understand that lonely feeling of watching your friends pass you by. Even though you're happy for them, it's still hard to watch them become couples and get married without any indication of that being in your own future.
I have two suggestions for you:
First, make sure you're confident you are called to marriage. You may have already been through this discernment process and if you have, excellent. But if you haven't you want to make sure you leave no stone unturned; meaning you know what you want, now make sure it's what God wants. Is it possible He wants you to consider the religious life? I went through this process, myself, when I was single after my divorce. Even though I didn't feel called to the religious life, I wondered if my divorce happened because I wasn't supposed to be married to begin with? So I took a look at other options. It didn't take long for me to realize that wasn't what God wanted for me and now I had absolutely no doubt I was called to marriage. And that leads me to my second suggestion for you...
Stop for a moment and take a step outside of yourself. Look at yourself through God's eyes and try to see how much He loves you, how much He wants the very best for you. If you do this, you can probably draw the conclusion that God will give you what you need – which is usually far better than what you want – and He'll give it to you at the perfect time. So while you wait for that perfect time, what should you be focused on? For the time you have left as a single person, what does He want you to accomplish? You might take some time in Adoration to explore the answers to this question because you truly do not know if you will meet Mr. Right tomorrow or a year down the road.
I met Mr. Right a mere two weeks after I decided to pursue the possibility of a religious vocation, and we're celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. I share that with you not so you'll feel left out, but to give you hope. Sometimes, I think God just wants us to relax our vice grip on the steering wheel and focus on something else so He can steer us toward what we need. Make sense?
I'm grateful you sent me your email and I hope this helps a little. Have faith that God has great things in store for you and count on my prayers for you!
Sincerely - Lisa
I would like to share Anonymous' inspiring message I received in response to mine:
Hi, Lisa!
I'm going into my third year as a PhD student in writing. It's funny how, in getting so wrapped up in what others are doing (i.e., dating, marriage, having children), I forget what I truly feel I am supposed to be doing with my life now, at this very moment. So, what should I be focused on right now? Exams and a dissertation! lol! What does God want me to accomplish? School! (and, of course, He wants me to focus on my spiritual connection with Him, and on my family and friend relationships, too)
I will most definitely spend some time in Adoration really praying about all of this. I do believe that God has a plan for me, and that I'm living His will as we speak. When I stop and really think about it, completing a PhD would be a lot more challenging with a family of my own. Instead of being frustrated, I should have more faith and hope in God's plan, which is sometimes easier said than done!
Thanks again for your words. They've helped me a lot today.
