How Important is Sexual Compatibility in Your Future Marriage?

The number of never-married American adults is at a historic high. One in five adults (about 42 million people) are still single. What is the reason? What could be holding people back?

For some, they feel too young to settle down, for others they don't feel financially prepared, and for many they just haven't found the one who has what they are looking for in a spouse.

We all have our list of priorities when it comes to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right:

She must love pets ....

He should have a good job ...

We have to be sexually compatible ...

Twenty-four percent of never-married adults are living with a partner. In today's world it is common practice to hear about couples who date, have sex, move into together, buy a house together and then maybe consider getting engaged.

It's hard to be a Catholic with those kind of expectations in the dating scene. Many couples say they would never marry someone they haven't slept with. They want to make sure they are sexually compatible before they make a commitment. They argue with the example that you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first.

But how do we respond to that?

Well, first of all, people are not cars. Being best friends with your spouse is far more important than being good sexual partners.

It’s helpful to think about it this way: 99% of a marriage isn't sexual. Even if you have sex every day of your life, that only accounts for about 1% of your marriage. So, in other words, sexual compatibility is not what you should be basing your future spouse on. It’s all of the other things in a relationship and in a marriage that are far more important.

Are you both responsible and willing to make the marriage work even when times get tough? Is there complete trust in the relationship? Will your spouse be faithful in good times and in bad? Is she kind, loving, compassionate, and virtuous? Is he willing to change and be able to sacrifice for you and your future family?

All of these are far more important than a sexual relationship, for these are what make or break a marriage.

So does that mean I'm saying sex isn't important in marriage? Of course not.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful expression of a deep love that is already there (or should already be there). It’s the visible sign of love between two spouses in the sacrament of holy matrimony.

When you get married, you look your spouse in the eyes, and before God, you verbally promise to give your whole self to him forever. Then, each and every time you have sex with your spouse, you renew that promise made on the altar, not with words, but with your body. Your body speaks the language; it’s the unspoken language of unconditional love forever.

When your relationship is based on love, your spouse will mean the world to you no matter what. When you truly love a person, you would marry him or her no matter what your sex life will be like. Love is love. And if your sex life isn’t so good in the beginning… well, you have the rest of your life together to develop a beautiful, wonderful, and fulfilling sex life based on love, not utility.