His pool of candidates was small, he thought, scrolling through the smiling photos. He sat back in his chair and again considered the other graduate students in his program, ticking them off in his brain. But, no. Most of them were dating someone else already, or even worse, married. He sighed.
It was 2014, and Zack, 25, hadn’t been seriously looking for a spouse for some time. He had been in a relationship a few years prior, but then graduate school beckoned and he had happily focused on his career...until now. Something, a desire for a someone, stirred in his heart so he decided to ask a friend for advice. “Here, try this dating site,” the friend had said. But it had been hard to slog through profile after profile of women who didn’t want to same things in life, didn’t share his faith, didn’t have a career of their own. There was a lack of intentionality that bugged him.
I guess I'll try it again
And so, here he was, attempting for a second time, (years before having casually tried it out to no avail) a Catholic dating website. “I’ll make an account again just to see,” he thought.
A few months passed with no results, but grad school kept him busy six days a week, and after all, he thought, I can’t expect to meet someone right away. The right woman, if it’s meant to be, will come along.
One morning, he casually checked his profile before work to see that he had been “matched” with someone new...and the match had already sent him a smiley face emotigram. “Carol, around my age, lives a few hours away but that’s driveable…Oh, she’s in grad school too. That’s cool,” he smiled down at his phone, typing out a message.
A few hundred miles away in Chicago, Carol’s computer dinged. A message! She had only been on the site for a few months and had sent a few emotigrams out to men she had “matched” with, but hadn’t really expected anything so quickly. Even though she had been open to dating, Carol, also 25, had been single for all 4 years of college and then almost 3 years post graduation before trying online dating. Finally, after prayerfully discerning that perhaps she needed to try online dating, she felt called to join CatholicMatch. And now, here was the moment she had been waiting for.
She stopped, said a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit (maybe he’s the one!), and opened the message.
And so it begins...
One message led to another, which led to Skype dates filled with laughter. “Who is this man who listens so well, who wants to deepen his prayer life so beautifully, who is so passionate about his studies?” Carol wondered after each virtual meeting. She was a little hesitant to meet in person; after all, he was somewhat of a stranger still. But she was already charmed by his silly profile picture and by the sheer fact he was on CatholicMatch. He obviously cared about his faith.
Zack loved that Carol was also in graduate school. Now, he recalls, “Since, I was also in grad school, I hoped that it would mean that Carol well understood the rigors of that way of life and recognize the effort that would be involved in a relationship. Her being in graduate school also indicated to me that education and learning were important to Carol, as no one takes on graduate school lightly. Lastly, she mentioned she was ‘ever the optimist and hopeful person,’ a quality I desired to have in a future spouse.”
So, three weeks later, they decided to meet, and they say, the rest is history.
The 8 hour first date is usually a good sign
Zack and Carol’s first date lasted eight hours! Even before the date, Zack says, “I showed up early to the date and was thinking of picking up something nice for Carol before she arrived. Looking around for a flower shop, I instead happened upon a bakery with some delicious looking brownies so I made sure to purchase two. I was already planning on thinking of ways to extend the date after our initial lunch plans for some dessert!”
This was perfect for Carol, who said, “To this day we laugh about how, at lunch, it took forever for me to finish my enormous salad! I remember him asking what my plans were during the rest of the summer. I thought he was just making conversation, but he was already planning for a second date even though we were barely an hour into the first one! Although, I did take it as a good sign that our first date lasted so long.”
That first date set the template for the rest of their dating relationship. They spent time together sharing stories and laughing, visited the local Cathedral and spur-of-the-moment decided to both go to Reconciliation, then ended the evening by stopping at a local park for a heart to heart (followed by Steak N Shake for milkshakes!).
It wasn't truly long distance dating...
They dated for two years "short distance" (between Illinois and Indiana, so, “Not truly LONG distance,” Carol says). And after Carol graduated from the Master of Divinity program at Notre Dame in 2016, she moved to be near him in Illinois that summer. They lived in the same town for 6 months, got engaged the following February, and were married on a wonderful summer day, July 15, 2017, in a church overflowing with guests.
Even though neither Carol nor Zack were on a dating website for a very long time, both had some excellent advice for those who are still searching.
Pray before you log in!
Carol says, “My biggest recommendation is to treat the experience prayerfully. Pray and reflect throughout the process. If you are feeling peace and the promptings of God to use CatholicMatch, then God likely has a purpose for you here on CM. When I was starting the process, I had concerns that I would treat CM like a form of social media instead of a path to meet a potential husband. To counter this, I prayed before logging onto the site and reviewed all profiles slowly and intentionally.”
Zack says, “Don’t be afraid to reach out and contact people. This goes for both the guys and the gals. If you are a lady who finds someone interesting, don’t avoid reaching out for fear of the ‘rules-of-engagement.’ Take up your calling and run with it.
More to that point, don’t let CM messages dominate the building of a relationship. They are great for the initial meeting and getting to know someone, but, once you have the firm footing, and are comfortable doing so, take it further. Ask for an in-person date or at the very least a Skype/FaceTime date. Progressing forward in the relationship will foster growth and further connections that can set you on the path to marriage.”
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