70 Years of Marriage and An Unexpected Celebration

All year I was planning to be in California to celebrate my grandparents’ 70th wedding anniversary. You don’t hear about too many 70th marriage anniversaries these days so that is why I cleared everything off my calendar so I could be in California this past January.

John and Mary Northrop certainly have a legacy to celebrate with seven children, 25 grandchildren, and 23 great-grandchildren!

We were planning a party to honor their beautiful marriage together, but the actual celebration happened in a way we did not anticipate.

The plans changed when my grandfather had a bad fall in late December. He broke several ribs and his scapula (shoulder blade) and was in the hospital for several days before he was moved to a convalescent hospital. My grandfather was never able to recover and with great sadness we heard he passed away on Friday, January 9—a week before their anniversary. Though I was sad not to have been able to see him again before he died, fortunately, despite the short notice, all of his children were able to make it there to be with him before he died.

In spite of our sorrow, we could clearly see God’s hand in all of it. Since people had already planned to be in town for the anniversary, most of our family was able to be present at the funeral. On the 70th wedding anniversary of my grandparents we celebrated my grandfather’s life and their marriage.

In the evening, after the funeral, we celebrated their 70 years of marriage with a barbershop quartet (which had already been booked) and a cake to boot! Having the family together highlighted the beautiful witness of their life together. Looking around the room and seeing all of the people who would not exist if they had not said “I do” 70 years ago was a powerful experience. It really helped to make concrete the inestimable value of marriage and family.

The week before, as I was helping with preparations for the funeral, I learned things about my grandfather that I had never known. One of my favorites is the story my grandmother told—that was retold by my uncle (who is the priest who celebrated the funeral Mass) during the homily. At age 21, my grandfather had dated several women. When his father asked which one of them he would marry, he replied, “I think I will marry Mary Ann, because she will help me get to heaven.”

My grandmother was 18 when they married. When they were still dating she gave him a prayer called “Learning Christ” (see below), and they prayed it together for at least 25 years. That was the prayer we had printed on the back of the memorial card, and I’ve started praying it myself.

Simultaneous with those neat stories is the reality that their marriage was no different than others, with its ups and downs, its fun times and times of hardship. It’s precisely the fact that they had their share of difficulties and personal challenges that makes their life-long marriage so impressive. It’s clear that their faith and commitment got them through the challenging periods. I’m sure they sometimes drove one another crazy—yet they loved each other, and that was always clear to us when we visited them.

I enjoyed seeing their senses of humor and those moments when I glimpsed their love and fondness for one another. They expressed that love in the practical, mundane circumstances of everyday life—through their smiles, their words, their eyes.

Seeing marriages like that gives me hope in today’s world and reminds me of the real “stuff” of which marriage is made. It’s not a 24/7 romance. It’s a life of two people journeying together to Christ, carrying the cross as it comes, and sharing together their joys and sufferings.

There are many things my grandfather will be remembered for (especially his creativity), and I am grateful that there are many who loved him and will remember him. Personally, I will never forget his great big hugs! And I will always be grateful that one, cold, winter day, in Cincinnati, Ohio, he married my grandmother, Mary Ann. I hope and pray it is true that, through 70 years of marriage, they helped one another reach heaven.

May he rest in peace and live joyously for all eternity!

Learning Christ

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of life—in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those whom I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.

Let me put myself aside to think of the happiness of others, to hide my little pains and heartaches, so that I may be the only one to suffer from them.

Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden and embitter me; that it may make me patient not irritable, that it may make me broad in my forgiveness; not haughty and overbearing.

May no one be less good for having come within my influence, no one less pure, less kind, less noble for having been a fellow traveller in our journey towards Eternal Life.

As I go my rounds from one distraction to another, let me whisper from time to time a word of love to Thee. May my life be spent in the supernatural full of power for good, strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.