Have you recently been through a bad relationship breakup? If so, you are probably in a very frustrating time of your life because it's difficult to find peace in the midst of suffering and sadness. No one likes to feel this way and it's normal to want to just move past it and feel normal again. But healing is a process and just like healing from any ailment whether physical or emotional, there are going to be good days and bad days, progress and setbacks. The key is to create an environment and a daily approach that will keep you moving down the road to healing and getting stronger. Here are some ways you can do this:
- Embrace your time alone. Turn being alone to your advantage and instead of wishing you were in a relationship again, use this time as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Especially if you're coming out of a long-term relationship, it's easy to forget what used to make you happy. Take this time to do the things you really enjoy doing, but were too preoccupied to do before. Pick up an old hobby, read those books you never got around to reading, pray and meditate, hike that mountain, clean out your closets, remodel your house, or volunteer at church or charity, to offer a few suggestions.
- Focus on what brings you peace: Adjusting to life after a breakup can be very difficult and painful, so the goal here is again to try and re-route a typical situation to your advantage. You can create peace in the midst of this turmoil by identifying the one thing that you do that brings you even a moment’s peace. For some people it is prayer, for some it is enjoying music, for others it is exercising, for others it is a long walk. Here is a fun fact: The University of Maryland discovered that listening to music you love can actually relax your blood vessels. This has a wonderful calming effect on your body, getting more oxygen to every cell and boosting endorphins. Whatever it may be, identify what it is for you and do it—every day.
- Seek Christ First: Never forget the most important aspect of love—Christ's love for you. You may be feeling rejected, but if you focus on how passionately God pursues you, that can change dramatically. Turn those alone times into opportunities to really embrace Christ and your faith. Reading scripture, extended prayer time, time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, participating in Mass. When you do that, not only will you heal, you will become a living testament to God’s love and mercy and an inspiration to others. Your life will actually draw others closer to Christ. You will become a gift to all you meet. When this happens, you will have a deeper understanding of Romans 8:28: You know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
- Pray for Hope: After a breakup, it is so easy to become discouraged. Without hope you tend to become negative or bitter, make poor decisions, or adopt a "whatever" attitude and this will actually make life worse, not better. But what is hope, really? Pope Benedict XVI defines hope very clearly in his masterful Encyclical, God is Love, like this:
Hope is practiced through the virtue of patience, which continues to do good even in the face of apparent failure, and through the virtue of humility, which accepts God’s mystery and trusts him even at times of darkness. - Pope Benedict XVI
During the winter season, you prune the branches of the tree. You cut off the dead limbs and areas where disease may have infected the tree. To the casual observer, the tree looks barren and bald—almost void of life. But when the spring comes, the tree bears beautiful blossoms in abundance and much more than if it hadn’t been pruned. You may feel that you are experiencing this sort of wintertime in your life because of the loss of your relationship, but it is important to remember that spring will come. This part of your life will not last forever and the pruning that has taken place will allow you to change and grow and become a better person because of the experience. As you journey through the wintertime of your life, you should seek to remain as close as possible to your faith and the Church so that when the springtime arrives, you will be renewed and joyful.
You can contact me at [email protected] and if you're looking for resources to help heal from divorce, be sure to visit my website LisaDuffy.com where you will find plenty of free and affordable resources.
