“I fall in love with you more every single day.”
I glanced across the car to my fiancé, George, expecting to see a half grin followed by a witty quip to lighten the moment. Instead, we locked eyes, and I realized that this very private Irish Catholic was serious. We had just finished a casual Saturday evening dinner filled with talk about our October wedding and our move-in plan to our recently-purchased home, and we were both brimming with excitement and anticipation for what lies ahead.
Will he always feel that way about me, I wondered to myself. Once we’ve said “I do,” and we’re no longer dreaming of a future together and instead living it day in and day out, will we still overflow with love for each other? Will we be able to sustain that excitement, that emotional and spiritual high of sacramental love, even after we’ve indulged in one final slice of our wedding cake on our one-year anniversary?
The notion of a honeymoon effect is common in our society. Couples that exchange vows, celebrate into the evening hours with their family and friends and then relax beach-side for a week now free from the stress of wedding planning are said to develop a psychological buzz that slowly fades away the further they get from their wedding date.
A recent study followed nearly 400 couples during their first two-and-a-half years of marriage and found that some men and women do fall victim to the honeymoon effect. 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the study said that they were very satisfied by their relationship at the beginning of their marriages, but after 30 months, they were extremely unhappy.
Just wait, older married couples caution, as they list the daily occurrences that can cause new-found marital bliss to evaporate. Household chores, finances, work stress and issues with in-laws make life very real and can pop the fairytale bubble that most couples remain in for weeks or months after they are pronounced husband and wife
So in the midst of everyday life, how can we as Catholics pursue relationships and eventual marriages that continue to be exciting, fulfilling and God-centered long after we say “I do?” We all have couples in our lives who’ve maintained that spark decades into their marriages, so how do we follow in their footsteps and prevent the honeymoon effect from settling in?
- Manage your expectations now: If you set your dating standards according to the lavish dates on the latest season of the Bachelorette, you’re bound to be disappointed with the routine of everyday life. Start your dating journey now with a focus on good conversation and companionship, not a fancy steak dinner.
- Plan for a marriage, not a wedding: As you look to the future, do you see your wedding as the final prize or do you see your marriage and your lifelong commitment to God and your spouse as the true reward? Plan for a marriage, not a big event, and you’ll set the foundation for a happy marriage.
- Find peace (and fun!) in simple ways: Simple doesn’t have to mean boring. Instead, find joy and peace in a quiet night in with a book or a long walk with a friend. Marriage isn’t a race—it’s a long journey, and you don’t want to steamroll past the simple moments along the way as you search for something bigger and better.
Paving the way to a marriage that still overflows with love and passion, despite all of the trials of life, is difficult, which is why we need to start now by fostering healthy, faith-filled relationships. In a loving, Christ-centered marriage founded on selfless love, the honeymoon never ends.
What else can be done to ensure that we keep pieces of that newlywed passion and excitement throughout an entire marriage?
