What's a Betrothal Ceremony?

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To the Lord I will tender my promise, in the presence of all his people.

One of our daughters recently became betrothed to her fiance. I don't mean engaged—though she is that too. I mean betrothed according to the custom of Holy Mother Church.

It goes beyond the intention to marry. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, a betrothal is a morally binding contract. You promise to marry at a future time. You willingly take on an "obligation of justice." Betrothal goes all the way back to the early days of the Church. In former times if one party broke the contract, the other could lodge a complaint before a diocesan or civil court for breach of promise. Even now, with no such consequences, you're really not supposed to just break up, return the ring, and sell the dress on Ebay.

A few people are puzzled by this. They've asked our daughter why she would make such a binding promise. Since "I really wanna marry the guy" isn't obvious enough, she tells them that it is because Betrothal comes with many graces. It works the way a sacramental does. While, it's not a Sacrament, which objectively gives grace, it does dispose you to grace.

And engaged couples need a lot of grace.

Engagement can be stressful. It's when you leave off carefree the dating thing and start planning your life together. Wedding planning by itself has its share of tough decisions:

If we invite the relatives who barely talk to us we won't have room for the neighbors we chat with every day.

If we pay for alcohol, we won't have enough for the honeymoon.

If we marry in the bride's town, grandpa won't be able to make the trip.

These small but tough decisions test the couple for their future life together. How well do they work together? How do they stay patient under stress? Are they able to compromise? How do their financial priorities compare? How do they juggle the demands of family and friends and work? Many an engaged couple has said, Enough already! We just want to be married! They do not want to wait for an open date on the calendar, or until they finish school, or until they've got the job figured out. Yet wait for those things they must. And if they are faithful Catholics, they live chastely while they wait.

It's your first big project together

Engagement is a couple's first big project together. During that time, there are plenty of opportunities to consider what they are about to do. They will take vows to be true to each other for the rest of their lives. They will raise the kids God sends. They will help each other and their kids get to heaven. Pretty huge stuff.

Engagement is when they get a taste of what it will take. They'll die to their selfishness. They'll work hard. They'll go without and save. They'll own property together. They'll make rookie mistakes. They'll find solutions. They'll fail and start over. They'll love. They'll forgive. They'll renew their love. Yes, engaged couples need all the grace they can get.

A Solemn Betrothal inspires them and gives them a way to elevate their waiting period as an offering to the Lord.

The Ceremony

The couple joins their right hands and speaks their promise at the altar before the priest.

The man:

In the name of our Lord, I, N.N., promise that I will one day take thee, N.N., as my wife, according to the ordinances of God and holy Church. I will love thee even as myself. I will keep faith and loyalty to thee, and so in thine necessities aid and comfort thee; which things and all that a man ought to do unto his espoused I promise to do unto thee and to keep by the faith that is in me.

The woman:

In the name of our Lord, I, N.N., in the form and manner wherein thou hast promised thyself unto me, do declare and affirm that I will one day bind and oblige myself unto thee, and will take thee, N.N„ as my husband. And all that thou hast pledged unto me I promise to do and keep unto thee, by the faith that is in me.

Then the priest takes the two ends of his stole and in the form of a cross places them over the clasped hands of the couple. Holding the stole in place with his left hand, he says: I bear witness of your solemn proposal and I declare you betrothed. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. As he pronounces the last words, he sprinkles them with holy water in the form of a cross.

Thereupon he blesses the engagement ring:

V. Our help is in the name of the Lord.

R. Who made heaven and earth.

Find the entire Solemn Rite of Betrothal plus more information here.

May God bless your bodies and your souls. May He shed His blessing upon you as He blessed Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. May the hand of the Lord be upon you, may He send His holy Angel to guard you all the days of your life. Amen.

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