What I Learned About Marriage Ministry From the IT Guy

A few weeks ago, my computer went through a major update. When it was completed, I noticed that the navigation pane for my files had changed. The task bar that usually appeared above the files disappeared and each file came up as an icon without any detail. Try as I may, it wouldn't return to what it used to be, and that was very frustrating.

I attended a meeting with one of the diocesan IT gurus a few days ago. He noticed that I was scowling at my laptop and asked if there was a problem. I explained the issue in detail and shared my frustration. He asked if he could take a look to which I gladly obliged. He opened File Explorer, looked at the display and said, "I can teach you how to fix this." He said that a feature of my operating system had been turned off. He gently guided me through a few key strokes and voila! the problem was fixed! The feature (that I didn't know was there) was operational again!

It's unprofessional to hug an IT person, but that is exactly what I wanted to do. In just a few minutes, he offered a clear explanation of how to activate it. With a better grasp of "the feature" the growing frustration that had interrupted my daily workflow vanished and was replaced with a great sense of accomplishment.

You look extra happy today. What's up?

As the rest of the team assembled for the meeting, one of them looked at me and said, "you look extra happy today. What's up?" With excitement, I shared what I had learned about "the feature." She was also astounded by the new knowledge. Our joyful exchange was noticed by other attendees who asked what was happening and were promptly taught about the feature. By the time the meeting began, we had shared the feature with almost everyone who walked in the door. It was delightful to watch them get excited about what they had just learned.

The IT person who started the firestorm of learning made an astute observation. He said, "you know, I think what just happened here resembles what it must have been like when the first Christians encountered Christ. As each person came to learn about the love and truth of Jesus, they couldn't contain their excitement. They had to share it with everyone they met."

He was so right! People who encounter the truth do get excited, and are filled with a zeal to reach out and tell others. You just can't help yourself! Knowing the truth and being taught how to live it ignites a light in your soul that has to shine. It's palpable, contagious and nearly impossible to hide.

"The feature" is everywhere

Let's apply this to our work as marriage ministers. Aren't we called to reveal the truth of marriage to those we serve? Isn't our number one task to stir in their hearts a deeper understanding of what God has placed in them that they need to activate? If you think about it, our role is similar to the IT guru who taught me about something that was there but not understood. Our job is to reveal "the features" of the Sacrament of marriage that include unity, exclusivity, indissolubility and openness to life. Following the example above, the steps that may serve us well include:

1. Observe those coming to us. Pay attention to their demeanor. If they seem frustrated, disengaged, or bored, ask them what's up.

2. Listen to what they have to say. Hear them out. Let them tell you what they are thinking and feeling. Attend carefully to every word.

3. Offer assistance. Look into the challenges and problems that surface without making comments or judgments. Determine what is the root of the problem. What "feature" isn't functional or understood.

4. Help them fix it. When you identify "the feature" that needs to be turned on, help them turn it back on rather than taking care of it yourself. Teach them how to activate "the feature."

5. Get out of the way! When a couple activates "the features" of marriage, they are likely to go out and tell others what they know. They won't be able to contain themselves.

6. Rejoice and be glad. Remember to share in the celebration of hopefulness and joy that flourishes when they exclaim—I never knew that!