The Right Way to Celebrate Valentine's Day

I can just hear the questions: "So. how was your Valentine’s Day?"

I will answer, "Mine was fabulous. Thanks for asking. No, it wasn’t romantic. I didn’t even have a date."

In fact, I think that perhaps it will be fabulous in part because I don't have a date.

Now don't get me wrong, it isn't that I am opposed to dates, or to romance, or to True Love’s Kiss, or any of that. But, I find the relationship between dating and happiness on Valentine’s Day is an inverse one. In other words, the greater the preoccupation with dating, the less happy the day for me. And that goes whether I am actually dating or not.

Historically, the Valentine’s Day preoccupation with dating has taken two forms. In the years when I was seeing someone, I saw Valentine’s Day as the Super Bowl of Dating. It was the Official Day of Romance, and everything had to be perfect. Perfect dinner, perfect flowers, perfect card, with a perfect handwritten note that perfectly expressed perfect sentiment, all leading to an evening of perfect romance. No pressure there, right? Heaven forbid somebody had a bad day or a headache or forgot to make reservations or the service was slow or any one of the myriad of things that could go wrong actually did go wrong and MARRED VALENTINE’S DAY!! The horror was simply too much to contemplate.

And then there were the dateless years. One would think that would take the pressure off, but one would be wrong. Because datelessness was a reminder that, on eve of the Super Bowl of Dating, I wasn’t even in the game. I was on the sidelines, and not even in particularly good seats. I felt sorry for myself. Valentine’s Day was a reminder that we are supposed to go through this life in couples, and that in missing that, I was missing out on the Most Important Part of Life.

But a few years ago, I decided I was done with all of the Hallmark-induced grief of Valentine’s Day. As long as I was focused on romance, there would be no winning.

But there is more to love than romance. And more love to celebrate than just romantic love. And so I chose to celebrate that love that I do have, instead of bemoaning the real or illusory “romantic” love that is missing.

This year, I threw a party. I invited my single friends—not to sit around and complain about men, but simply to celebrate our friendship. We are all coming to realize, as the years go by, what a tremendous gift we have in each other. We talk about how we will probably grow old together, and speculate on when we will break down and start moving into houses together, Golden Girls style. We rely on each other. We look out for each other. And our ranks continue to grow as we meet other women who are alone through death, divorce or just good old fashioned spinster-hood. (I’m picturing a new Facebook meme: “Spinster — it’s not a dirty word.”)

And so we celebrated. We ate, and drank, and chatted, and watched old Carol Burnett skits on YouTube. We had a blast. And created beautiful Valentine’s Day memories.

I may still marry. I am certainly not opposed to it, and would in fact be delighted. But the older I get, the more I become an advocate for celebrating what we have, instead of bemoaning what we lack. God gives us what we need. Perhaps not exactly what we want, perhaps not in the format we would prefer. But He is lavishly generous with his gifts, if we just open our eyes to see them. And, for those of us in the single state, friendship is indeed a beautiful gift. One that we should never take for granted. And, I submit, one worth celebrating on Valentine’s Day.

I have friends who spent their Valentine’s Day at singles’ mixers, searching for Mr. Right. And I totally get why they would want to do that. They want to marry. We all do. They spent their evening looking for love. I spent my evening celebrating love.

But I’m betting that my evening was a lot more fun.