Tanya, 69, swore that online dating was something she’d never do, but after losing both of her parents within three years of each other, she felt the need to have someone special in her life. So
in 2014, she joined CatholicMatch. Tanya had been single for almost 30 years following a divorce of a 17-year marriage that was later annulled. “I was a happy lady, returning to school to get my BA and MA degrees in business. I traveled, and I had many friends, a great family, and a fulfilling job at an art museum. Because I was raised by two USA Army officers, I have always been an independent woman. Moving into singlehood was not too difficult for me,” says Tanya. Still, she says, “The rejection, lack of companionship and someone to love was very difficult.”
In June of 2014, Carlos, 65, contacted Tanya. She thought he was handsome and he lived near her. She messaged him back, but he didn’t respond. “I read in his profile that he had lost his wife and father within three years of each other, and I felt like he wasn’t ready to date or even be on CatholicMatch. He still needed to undergo healing, so I moved on and communicated with other gentlemen. I would visit his profile off and on during the months, thinking that if we ever got together, we would enjoy each other’s company.”
In January of 2015, Tanya felt like God wanted her to contact Carlos again. “I was a little hesitant because I didn’t want to be rejected, but I contacted him and within about five minutes, he contacted me back.” They quickly decided to meet each other in person. “I wanted to start our first date by going to Mass together because I wanted Catholicism to be at the center of our relationship.” After attending Mass together, Tanya took him to the art museum where she worked. “We had such a wonderful time together all day long. I really liked him. It was cold and pouring rain, so we both ran to our cars waving goodbye,” remembers Tanya.
Tanya went home wondering how Carlos thought the date had gone and about an hour later he let her know. “He sent me a lovely text, saying he hoped that their day together would be the start of a very special friendship.”
From that first date, they continued to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. Tanya and Carlos bonded over their mutual faith, helping others, their backgrounds, their interests, and compatible personalities, as well as their ethnic backgrounds (Carlos is from Cuba and Tanya is Italian, German, and Irish). “We love to laugh and have fun, but we also agree to love our space and give each other that time we need on our own, which is very important,” says Tanya.
When Carlos told Tanya that he wanted to date exclusively, Tanya suggested that they set up a
meeting with one of their priests friends to get his take on their relationship. “Two things came out of the meeting: would I know how to be married after being single for almost 30 years, and could I trust again? Both questions Father said were very important and to take one day at a time and see where we go,” recalls Tanya.
Learning to Trust Again
Before she met Carlos, Tanya received an annulment, which was the first step in her healing from her first marriage. “I just knew that there was no love or feelings for my ex husband, and I wanted to be spiritually free from him. I was freed by the laws of the land, but I needed to be free in the laws of God,” says Tanya.
Part of her healing also came in her relationship with Carlos. “I had to overcome the fear that Carlos would want to leave after having a disagreement. I had to trust that a disagreement wouldn’t lead to breaking up unless it was God’s will,” says Tanya. When they have had arguments, Tanya prayed that God would heal their conflict and bring them to agree with each other, and she says her prayers have always been answered.
Proposal and Engagement
While they were dating, Tanya says she kept thinking of Genesis 2:18, “it is not good for man to be alone,” when praying for Carlos. “I told him that I thought the verse was meant for him, but I was not really suggesting that he was meant to marry me just that I felt that it was God’s will for him to marry.” However, as their relationship progressed, she began to feel that it was not only God’s will for Carlos to marry, but that God wanted him to marry her. However, this time Tanya did not tell Carlos what she thought God wanted.
After dating for about four months, while driving to Branson, Missouri together, Carlos mentioned to Tanya that he thought God wanted them to get married. “I smiled to myself after remembering what Our Lord had spoken to me in my heart, and I said, ‘Yes, I think we are to get married too,’” recalls Tanya.
After Tanya accepted Carlos’s proposal, they began thinking about a wedding date. They decided to get married the week after Easter 2016 in order to save on flowers. They found that the date was April 2, which was Tanya’s parents’ wedding anniversary. “We both knew that our parents were praying for us from heaven and choosing that date was further confirmation that we are going to be together for the remainder of our lives. We are both looking forward to this new life and adventure together.”
