She Didn't Like His Photos But She Still Chatted With Him
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In the late fall of 2010, after six years of more or less fruitless dating experiences on CatholicMatch, Ryan was strongly considering quitting the site altogether. But, before he did, he messaged Erin, who had joined just a month previous. His day job was in childcare near Seattle, working with at-risk one to five-year-olds who came from very challenging backgrounds.
Hers was in Oregon, where she had just moved for a retail management position. He thought her profile pictures were “awesome” and appreciated that she lived “close enough to drive to meet". But, his profile pictures almost stopped their relationship before it started!
She didn’t even respond to his first message!
Erin received Ryan’s message, but after looking at his “crazy” profile pictures, she opted not to respond. She recalled, “One picture was him dressed as Mr. T, complete with gold chains and a Mohawk. Another was him wearing cowboy boots and striking a Captain Morgan pose. And in another, he was standing with three friends who were football players, and he looked very small. Clearly,” she thought, “he doesn’t know how this works.” In his defense, Ryan pointed out that “Selfies weren't a major wave as they are now with all the apps. I had a few current pictures and others with friends. I felt weird about cropping people out of pictures I had as if I was hiding reckless life choices!”
He tried one more (and final) time...
After unsuccessful trial periods on several dating sites, Ryan was in the process of deleting his CatholicMatch profile one day when he saw that Erin was online at the same time. He sent one last-ditch effort message….and she wrote back!
For the next month, they chatted over CatholicMatch and then on the phone before meeting up in person roughly halfway between his apartment in Seattle and hers near Salem, Oregon.
After a low-key but promising first date, involving a Starbucks, a Burger King, and two long walks, Erin called a former roommate on the drive home and summed up, “He’s cool, but I don’t really know where this will go.” She laughed remembering that when they crossed the street on one of the walks, Ryan went into day-job-with-kids mode, looking both ways and “sticking his mom arm way out” to be sure no traffic was coming. For his part, Ryan remembers feeling “excited and nervous,” especially about starting a relationship with someone without any other connections like shared friends, roommates, classmates, etc.
They bonded…but not over karaoke!
Fairly early on in the relationship, Erin joined Ryan and two of his coworkers for a going-away get-together before his friends left for other positions. After several mishaps, the night out ended at a karaoke bar. Erin hates karaoke, but she described Ryan’s relationship with it this way: “Ryan loves karaoke more than life!” He quipped, “Karaoke is more exciting than singing in the car because you have the lyrics and you have an audience.” And while Ryan sang his heart out that night, Erin wasn’t exactly feeling the love.
She was, however, won over by Ryan’s refreshing honesty and vulnerability when sharing his temptations and personal struggles, even early on in the relationship. While many people choose to hide behind or simply hide their faults and failings, she saw him earnestly taking concrete action to make better life choices and to set an overall good example for the young children at his job. That made a lasting impression on her.
Her life took a new direction.
After seven months of back and forth every-other-weekend trips between his and her towns, Erin opted to move in July of 2011 from Oregon to Seattle for a new job and to be closer to Ryan. And in December of 2012, they went together to a little jewelry store “the size of a closet,” in Erin’s words, where a sales lady showed Erin various stones in a small display case and said, “What do you want?”
“What do you want?”
Taken aback, Erin responded, “For what?”
Unfazed, the woman replied, “For an engagement ring!” The shop made custom jewelry, and that day Erin picked out the stone she wanted for a ring. But, then nothing happened for eight months, until one August day when the ring was finally ready and Ryan decided the time had come….
She showed up two hours late for the proposal!
The same weekend that the ring was completed, Erin’s best friend and her boyfriend had visited from out of town. But, while Ryan considered the timing ideal, Erin let him know that she did not want the proposal to take place with other people around. So, Ryan waited until her friends had left and she was returning from a long day at work- two hours late due to a snafu.
Ryan had set a romantic scene with four bouquets of white roses and even floating candles. But to his chagrin, the floating candles had very short wicks, and he “went through a large pack before she got home because they kept running out!” When she finally walked through the door, he “leapt” off his chair, and knelt down, ring box in hand. He told her “many nice things,” which she listened to patiently at first, before finally asking, “And?”
He said, “And what?” She gestured towards the ring box, saying, “So…do you have a question?” He joked, “Oh, I found this on the street. Do you want it?” And for all posterity, she told him, “Sure!”
They had a series of receptions!
The couple was married in Seattle on May 2nd, 2014 in an intimate ceremony with forty guests. After the Mass, they hosted a dinner and gifted their friends and family with their favorite wine from a local winery.
The next day, Ryan’s family threw a bigger bash on the nearby Navy base (Ryan’s dad is a Navy veteran) for 150 guests, and then a month later Erin’s family threw another party at their home in Illinois. The couple loved having dinner right after their wedding be something the two of them hosted, and then not having to worry about anything at the subsequent events hosted by their families. Largely free from planning responsibilities, Erin said, “we had a blast, they were so much fun!”
Words of advice for other singles considering CatholicMatch...
Ryan encourages other singles to consider signing up for CatholicMatch, “Give it a try! It's a nice forum for dating for people who want to have their faith as the center.”
Erin added, “It is no longer a taboo thing to try online dating! What's great about CatholicMatch is you are starting from the same place - you already have something in common. It's easy to get to know someone when you have somewhere to start.”