For over five years, Marilyn used dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony without luck. “I found the men I met through those sites were generally poorly suited to me for many reasons, but the overriding reason was the general lack of faith in their lives and unwillingness to change. The ‘final straw’ for me on these mainstream sites was meeting several men over a two month period who had been married three or more times,” says the 61-year-old.
Consequently, she decided to try CatholicMatch after reading about it in her parish bulletin. “Sharing my faith with a future spouse was a high priority for me, so what did I have to lose?”
The one thing that worried her though was that many people on CatholicMatch were not local. “I have elderly parents that need a lot of help at times. This influenced how I felt about long distance dating and my willingness to relocate.”
CatholicMatch Gave Hope to Jerry
Jerry, 64, had been married for more than 40 years to his high school sweetheart. When she passed away from cancer in June of 2013, Jerry faced finding a new life. “I stumbled across an ad for CatholicMatch on another Catholic website but didn’t join at that time. Several weeks later I noticed an ad in the church bulletin and decided to take a look,” he recalls.
After checking out the site, he decided to join. “Two major positives that the CatholicMatch site provided for me on my journey was that it helped me move through the grieving process because I met and talked to widows who shared similar experiences. Secondly, it allowed me to recognize that there may be a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’,” he says.
Jerry was on CatholicMatch more than 11 months before he met Marilyn. Previously he had met and dated several women who were all nice, but he hadn’t felt a connection to any of them. “They generally didn’t have enough similar interests; plus, I was still going through the grieving process and I may not have been ready to move on yet.”
She Was Looking For Someone Close-By
Marilyn had been on CatholicMatch several weeks and had communicated and met with several men, but none of them was the right match for her. When Jerry contacted her, she wasn’t sure she wanted to respond because he lived about 40 minutes from her home and she felt that was too far away considering her responsibilities. Even so, she read his profile and was impressed by what he had written. She felt instantly attracted to him.
“He was good-looking, fun and funny, very grounded in his faith, and he had a great code of ethics, honor, and commitment—which later came out clearly in our many conversations. I also needed to meet someone who understood and supported my need to help with my elderly parents—and with his background, it was clear he would be that type of person.”
Jerry had been his wife’s primary caretaker before she died in 2013 of a rare form of cancer. At the same time, he also had been taking care of his 90-year-old mother-in-law who lived with them.
Not Too Far Away for Him
In contrast, Jerry viewed Marilyn being 40 minutes away as a big positive. She was the first person that he met on CatholicMatch who lived this close to his home in Michigan. He contacted her because he liked her attitude and that she was grounded in her faith. “I also found Marilyn attractive, funny, and I respected and admired that she was taking care of her parents.”
First Dates
In July of 2014, they met for their first date at a local restaurant. They spent more than three hours laughing and getting to know one another. Their waitress must have thought they were lovebirds because when she brought them their dessert, chocolate mocha crisp gelato, it was served in one, large iced tea glass with two spoons. “It wasn’t usually served that way!” Marilyn exclaims. “At this point, both of us were thinking about the fact that we’d be sharing food with someone we didn’t even know. We both started spooning the gelato from around the sides. After eating about 1/3 of it, we both stated we were just too full to eat anymore. We later laughed about the fact that we ‘tactfully’ managed to eat some of the dessert without getting the other person’s germs.”
Despite a bit of awkwardness with the shared dessert, they both agree that they had a lot of fun and great chemistry. “But most importantly, we also immediately felt comfortable with each other—like we’d met our new best friend!” Jerry recalls.
Two days later, they met up for a bike ride at a local park. “We rode for a short time on the trail and we then stopped for a drink of water and some sweet cherries that Jerry had brought for a snack. After a short cherry pit spitting contest—which he won hands-down—we went back to riding,” Marilyn says. They ended up spending nearly 10 hours together because neither of them wanted the date to end.
Once again, they made a date for two days later. This time was dinner at another local restaurant. Marilyn felt like they had had a wonderful time, but she also felt that there was something different with this relationship. “Sure enough, 15 minutes later, Jerry called from his car on the way home. He said that he felt he needed to tell me that he’d been married many years and knew what love was. He felt that our relationship was going to be as good as his prior marriage, and he wanted to make every effort to ensure that it worked. I felt the same and while I wasn’t sure yet if marriage was in the future, I thought it was a strong possibility. We both agreed that we’d make every effort to see if we could build a future together.”
Proceeding Carefully
Marilyn and Jerry knew they were falling in love, but they wanted to proceed carefully because they were coming from different backgrounds and because Jerry was only recently widowed. “Having lost their mother and grandmother just a little over a year ago, we wanted to be sensitive to my children and grandchildren’s feelings,” Jerry says.
Regarding the different backgrounds, Marilyn had been single for many years (her previous marriage had been annulled) and lived in a suburban environment and her career was a huge part of her life—though it had been winding down and she was facing a decision on whether to continue working or retire. Jerry, on the other hand, had been with his deceased wife for his entire life and lived a more rural life. He had worked in the corporate world for 20 years before retiring and becoming an entrepreneur. Career was second to family for Jerry. He had lost his oldest son to bacterial meningitis in the late 1990s, which had solidified his core belief that family is most important in life.
After dating for two months, Marilyn was introduced to Jerry’s family. “It was a really fun and easy day, and they were incredibly open and welcoming!”
Interrupted Proposal
By mid-November, they chose a ring. “The ring was ready several days before Christmas, so Jerry picked it up and came in for dinner that evening. He had no sooner starting asking me to marry him when his mobile phone rang and it was his six-year-old granddaughter."
Several weeks prior, she had asked him: "Papa, are you going to marry again?"
He responded: "Well, Veronica, do you think I should?"
She replied, "If you want to."
His next question was, "Well, who would I marry?"
And she said, "Well, Miss Marilyn, of course.’'
They both found this incredibly sweet. Consequently, when she called in the middle of the proposal, they decided that they needed to take her call despite the interruption. "After his conversation with her, we got back to the proposal,” Marilyn remembers.
Small Wedding
On April 17, 2015, on a warm spring day, a few close friends and family witnessed Jerry and Marilyn as they were joined in Holy Matrimony at the National Shrine of the Little Flower Basilica in Royal Oak, Michigan. “The ceremony was very beautiful—the church is a gorgeous example of art deco design and it was literally filled with flowers from the Easter holiday. The music was incredible. When the female vocalist sang Ave Maria, I don’t think there were many dry eyes in the audience. We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful and unforgettable experience!” says the couple.
Praying Together and an Inside Joke
Jerry says praying together has really helped their relationship to grow. “We pray together twice a day and rarely miss a day. In the evening, we oftentimes reflect on the day as well—the challenges and highlights. This allows us to stay very close, supportive, and appreciative of each other. It has grounded us in our faith as a couple and has allowed us to grow together as a couple more quickly.”
A friend advised Jerry that there are only three things he needs to say to have a successful marriage: “Of course, dear”; “I don’t know what I was thinking”, and “I promise I’ll never do it again.” Marilyn says, “This has become a bit of a joke with the two of us—and both of us make sure to use those words whenever it’s appropriate. In fairness, though, it really is working both ways!
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