If You’re Divorced & Use Online Dating, Read This

These days, there are a lot of people who are suffering silently through their troubles and feel completely alone, even when they are in the midst of a crowd of people because they are afraid to bring their problems out into the light. People who have lost their marriage to divorce often fall into this category. They tend to become loners and do things by themselves. But human beings aren’t hard wired for 24/7 solitude. You still need relationships with other people. You need a community of peers that provide a loving and safe environment.

The rebuilding phase after a divorce is not the time to stay home alone and forgo any type of social interaction—definitely not. Social relationships play a huge role in your healing process. Divorced men and women are most in need of a place to reach out to others and have others reach out to them. CatholicMatch is an excellent start to finding that essential, supportive community. But jumping back into a heavy romantic relationship before you're ready will lead you to making more mistakes. If you haven't been through the annulment process and received a decree of nullity just yet, you might be wondering just how CatholicMatch can work for you. As a member of a dating site where the primary objective is to find love, what can you do? How do you go about meeting other people?

Here are some suggestions I would like to offer you on how to use your CatholicMatch membership well.

1.     Take Advantage Of The Forum

The Forums are a fantastic place to begin conversations with other single people (divorced, widowed and never-married), ask questions and hear other peoples' perspectives on the issues that are important to you. There are many interesting people that contribute. Over the years I've seen a lot of friendships start up. I do appreciate all the different opinions that are offered and moderators help conversations stay on track and come to reasonable conclusions based upon the expertise they offer. Joining Forum discussions is a great way to get the ball rolling.

2.     Give Your Profile A Positive Slant

Although rebuilding your life can be a difficult and challenging part of healing from divorce, it's important to have a positive outlook and your profile should reflect this. Make sure your profile photo is one that accentuates your positivity by posting one with a nice smile. Then, make sure you have clearly indicated your status as a divorced person who is looking for friendships, but be sure to include comments that convey something forward-thinking such as you are going through the annulment process (if you are), or you find you are learning to enjoy being on your own again and would like to find friends that are of the same mindset. This is extremely helpful to other CatholicMatch members, especially those who have never been through a divorce. I believe you will come in contact with some great people if you state these things in a positive and upfront manner.

3.     Attend CatholicMatch Events

On the CatholicMatch Member Dashboard under "More" there is a drop-down menu where you will find the "Events" link. This is where you will see everything that is coming up and what is in your area. Currently, there are two exciting events coming up, a pilgrimage to Fatima, Lourdes, Madrid, and Barcelona in July, and the National Catholic Singles Conference in October, and both would be excellent ways to take your mind off your troubles and meet new people. I highly encourage you to check out these events and more importantly, don't hesitate to organize and post your own events. There are so many people who are great at organizing events and if you are one of those people, don't let your divorce stand in the way of using that gift. Organizing an event could be a great way to pull yourself out of the doldrums and do something that makes you feel great.

In time, you will be ready to find a long term romantic relationship again and until then, CatholicMatch can be a unique community for divorced Catholics. Even if you are unable to have a romantic relationship because you do not have a decree of nullity, you still have access to a community of like-minded single men and women with whom you can connect and find strong, healthy social relationships. It’s part of the healing process and part of regaining your personal self-worth.I welcome your feedback at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.