I Didn't Think Someone Would Face Hours of Traffic for Me

Tatiana, 31, was a complete novice to online dating.

Creating her profile induced lots of anxiety. “It felt like applying to graduate school!” Tatiana describes. One of the many questions she spent a lot of time on "what was the limit of my dating radius?" Did she really want to do a long distance relationship? What about relocation?

Her native southern California traffic did not make her jump up and down about traveling to see a date—in college and grad school, she’d done 120 miles of commuting per day.  She’d been there done that.

However, a small voice in her head asked, “Why are you imposing mileage, a quantifiable measurement, on an immeasurable spiritual reality of love for your potential spouse?” 

Tatiana took this whisper to heart, and didn’t put any location restrictions on her profile. Instead she wrote: “Home is where the heart is and therefore I am willing to relocate.” Still, she had a hard time believing a man could be so worthy that she would actually consider moving away from her beloved hometown of Santa Paula.

Enter Etienne, 36, who reached out to Tatiana in a message.

At first, Etienne was attracted to her answers to the CatholicMatch faith questions, which showed her to be a practicing Catholic who truly valued God. She seemed optimistic about the whole online dating thing, as he was.

Tatiana saw his profile and location and instantly thought, “Where is Lake Elsinore? Is that even in California?” On Google Maps, she found his little town an hour north of San Diego, where Etienne was stationed in the Navy. That put him two hours away in good traffic.

Well, Tatiana thought, he probably wasn’t that interested, and the distance would surely shut down any romance. So she just enjoyed the conversations they had at face value, telling herself to stop analyzing all the “what if” situations and futile predictions of an unknown future.

Within days, their messages turned into paragraphs, then pages. They found themselves always looking forward to reading each others responses, and soon it was clear they both wanted to know more about each other.

After about a week and a half of messaging every day, Etienne asked Tatiana to meet him for a Wine and Paint date in Pasadena on June 8th, 2018.

He drove over seventy-five percent of the distance in order to save Tatiana from a traffic-filled trip. To do this, he’d begun his workday at 3:45 AM, so he could get to San Diego on time for their date in the afternoon.

His thoughtfulness impressed Tatiana, who found her interest in him escalating. Here was a man willing to—literally—go the distance for her! About three dates later she had the distinct feeling that she was starting to fall for Etienne. 

A good relationship must have trust, which is built through honesty. Etienne was straight forward with Tatiana from the beginning about the obstacles in their relationship.

“I knew my line of work might not be conducive to building a traditional household. I travel a lot, and can be gone for months within a year,” Etienne says. Frequent separation would be unavoidable in a marriage, which some people would find a dealbreaker.

Etienne respected Tatiana’s right to know and choose, sharing the nature of his work and as many details as he could, so she could decide if this was the type of relationship she wanted to be a part of. “I knew I could risk losing her by telling her all those things, but I knew it was the right thing to do,” Etienne states.

Tatiana thought over these facts, and in the end decided to move forward with their relationship.

Fast forward to their first anniversary as a dating couple.

Etienne planned a three hour sunset dinner cruise in the San Diego harbor. Suspecting a proposal, Tatiana bought a special dress for the occasion and got her nails done for the second time in her life, prompting her mother and sister to remark, “You got your nails done?!” 

Tatiana had good reason to be excited. “Call it female intuition,” she laughs.

She found herself itching with anticipation the entire boat ride. All through the three course dinner, drinks afterward, going up to the deck at sunset, and sailing under the illuminated Coronado bridge, she kept thinking, “Is this when he is going to propose?” But still, nothing happened. Had she gotten a manicure for nothing?!

Their anniversary date ended sans engagement.

Tatiana was a bit perturbed, wondering if she had missed something. Her disappointment grew in the following weeks, as Etienne would soon be deployed to sea. Maybe he wouldn’t propose at all before he left?

“I needed the emotional commitment of a marriage proposal before he left,” Tatiana remembers. “The last thing I wanted to do was to give an ultimatum about an engagement, especially because I wanted a freely given proposal. However, I was so overwhelmed I did not know where to begin to unpack all of my anxieties and emotions.” 

A few weeks later, not long before Etienne was deployed, Tatiana drove to his house with all these concerns whirling in her thoughts.

He finally asked those four words she had been dying to hear for the last several weeks, and asked Tatiana to marry him! “A quiet dinner and sitting on the couch may not sound like a glamorous setting for a proposal, but for me it might as well have been on top of the Eiffel Tower!” Tatiana remembers.

She realized at that moment what really matters is the intense joy of committing to your beloved, and not where the proposal happens.

Pulling out the diamond ring, Etienne remarked, “The ring was three weeks late getting here. It was meant to arrive in time for our anniversary dinner.”

“I prayed to God to give me a woman who puts Him first, a woman that would take me as I am, with whom I can grow in faith,” Etienne says to describe his fiancee. “My father told me once to select a woman I would want to go back home to everyday, a woman I would look forward to seeing after a long work day. I know I found that woman in Tatiana.”

Due to Etienne’s deployments and work schedule, the couple does not know when they will get married.

“We are at the mercy of the Lord’s will and the United States Navy,” they explain. “Etienne is applying to an accelerated officer training program and will not know the results until February 2020. After which time, he may quickly start a two year assignment at sea.

However, God has brought us this far and we will continue to trust that He will provide the window in Etienne’s schedule to allow us to get married.”

In the end, a few lessons can be gleaned from Tatiana and Etienne’s story. One: God will bring the right person to you when you are open to following Him, whether that’s close to home or far away. Two: Unique careers means a unique relationship, and a unique marriage for life. Three: Rings can take a few extra weeks to arrive in the mail!