Marriage is Hard Work, But Worth It

Every bride has been warned to prepare for "real life" settling in after the wedding and honeymoon. The daily grind starts to fade the rose-colored glasses and suddenly picking up your husband's socks become a chore instead of a grateful reminder that you're past your single days.

In this article, False Expectations, a new bride shares her wisdom on adjusting those premarital expectations. Early in her marriage she is humbled by the fact that her first pregnancy demands more of her than she had expected. She recognizes that internal struggle—that no mother is stranger to—when she has to compromise the task list she has made for herself with the tasks that are actually necessary for her state in life.

The author's message of humility is a powerful one. The dynamic in marriage changes greatly when a child is brought into the union. The growth between husband and wife happens exponentially in these cases, because the level of sacrifice and service is above and beyond any other occupation or experience you will ever have. The blessing is that in the case of a child, it is easier to rise and meet those demands for someone so small and helpless, than it is for your spouse, who is still capable of serving himself or herself whenever he or she feels like it.

In the case of a child, it doesn't matter what time of day, night, the amount of energy, money, sleep, or patience you have that day. New parenthood echoes Phil 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others."

Eventually you find yourself at a crossroad: let parenthood take over and transform you into a humble servant of God, or fight it with anxiety and try to reclaim that "me" time by fighting to go back to doing things your old way. If Jesus himself took the form of a slave by taking on our flesh, than what better way to show our gratitude for His sacrifice than by trying to imitate it through parenthood?

I can relate to this bride's message, although my expectations were certainly different than hers. Three weeks before our wedding we were hit with unforeseen medical bills, as well as both of our cars breaking down and needing thousands of dollars worth of repair. Reluctantly we put off our honeymoon plans to pay these bills. We considered delaying the wedding to accommodate these tragedies, but we knew our hearts and souls were prepared for the sacrament of marriage. Daily marital life is no stranger to these struggles, and we knew by facing them together as one under the supernatural graces of the sacrament of matrimony, we would give greater glory to God, rather than facing those problems as two unwed individuals. We turned these problems back to God, and said, "Do as Thou will."

Under the overwhelming stress we faced, I felt unfit to be a mother right away, and yet God blessed us with our first child. Due to undiagnosed health complications, our daughter was born five weeks premature. We later learned it was a miracle she even made it that far in the pregnancy without medical intervention. While her presence in our life added to the stress and further complicated our problems, she also gave us hope. While pregnant with her, I knew if I did nothing else that day, but be sick and pregnant, I was still accomplishing God's will by giving her life. I was greatly humbled by that responsibility.

Whether you have grave challenges at the start of your marriage or further down the road, know that working through your struggles bonds you together better than any wild honeymoon adventure. Rising to those challenges and persevering through them together creates a stronger bond through divine unity.

St Joseph and the Blessed Mother are the epitome of this example! In creating that daily unity, by working and serving together through the joys and sorrows of your shared life, you will live your vocation to marriage to the best of your ability, which not only brings fleeting happiness, but lasting joy.

In this world, you may look and feel like a failure and when the path before you feels like more than you can bear, remember that God rewards your faithfulness.