I joined CatholicMatch.com one day in August as a random spasy click
of the mouse took me to one of Facebook's advertisers on the right side
of the page. After a few weeks, and on my birthday, I decided to look
at all of the people with "new" profiles. This way I could see both
male and female profiles (check out the competition) as well as people
outside of my 25-mile search radius. I clicked "Next" and there he was
. . . a gorgeous brown-eyed, brown-haired man in a John Deer baseball
cap and a perfect smile.
I read his profile and was laughing so hard at his "looking for"
and "about me". Summed up: he was describing previous women he had been
invovled with and said I don't want a princess like these, I want a
girl who can stand up for herself and isn't afraid to get dirty. So I
went for the birthday luck and made the first move by sending him a
smiley.
It went on from there. Smileys turned into e-mails, to texts, to
phone calls that lasted anywhere from two to eight hours. We talked about
everything that we had been through. Two people who had been lied to,
cheated on, hurt, stepped on, etc that didn't want to hide who we were
or play games. Blunt truth poured from both of us and after a couple of
weeks he landed in Oklahoma City's Will Rogers World Airport (I paid shipping and
handling) to be greeted with a cup of Pike's Roast Starbucks coffee
(his fav). He walked straight to me and I gave him a huge hug, as one
would a friend you hadn't seen in ages. Which was true, as he was a very
good friend and we hadn't seen each other in at least 29 years. He
looked down at me, smiled and gave me a nice big kiss. It was as it
should be-- not akward, not two strangers, but two people who had been
waiting for each other for so long, finally put together. We walked
through the airport and to the car arm-in-arm. I love you's were
exchanged before that first dinner and by the end of the weekend it was
clear we were meant to be.
The month of October was full of hard times for him and despite
that, despite the embarassment or risk of me walking away, he told me
everything. Keeping me filled in on his confusing divorce, his son, his
ex-wife's passing at the end of the month I followed suit and remained
open to him. I accepted what he was going through and that he cared
enough for me to be honest. I spent the weekends of Halloween and the
first weekend in November with him and Aden on base in North Carolina
and we became like a family over night. Even Aden at 4 years old knew
that we were meant to be and he accepted me as a parental figure right
away.
Both of them flew to OKC to spend Christmas with me and my parents.
I had to work Monday through Wednesday and so he and Aden got to spend
72 hours straight getting to know my parents (and vice versa). On
Tuesday the 22nd I came home for lunch and my mum hugged me and said
"we love him, we love them!" That evening they offered to babysit Aden
so Danny and I could get away and have a date night. We went to my
favourite sushi in OKC (Buddha Tao) and then to the movie Avatar. Just
before the movie started I reached my hand in the popcorn and felt
something. I looked and saw a diamond ring in a small box. I was so
shocked (I was hoping he would ask over Christmas, but I was sure that
he wouldn't have the ring for a while yet). I said "yes" and we watched
the movie together (it was awesome). By the time we got home it was
after 11pm. My dad was asleep on the couch and so I woke him and told
him what I found in my popcorn. He was surprised, very happy and went
and woke my mum up (who eventually stumbled to the living room). There
were congratulations all around. I went to bed but my Dad and Danny
apparently stayed up until 3am after a 1am run to Buffalo Wild Wings
and had long talks about everything.
Danny and Aden moved in
with me for financial reasons with our new puppy, Angel, on February
17th. Aden is doing great with a structured environment, private
Catholic pre K, and a loving family. Danny is going back to school to
be a veterinarian and luckily found a job with flexible hours at a
local pet hospital. We have set the date for July 10th and will be
having a traditional Catholic wedding in Seattle, Washington.
May 2010 Update: Wedding plans continue . . .
Since our engagement on December
22nd, 2009, there have been many happenings in our relationship. Danny,
his 4 year old son Aden, and our puppy Angel moved into my house the
end of February 2010. Despite the financial need (as well as emotional
need for Aden to have a more stable living situation) to live together,
we are abstaining until after the wedding as a sign of our promise to
each other, our families, and the Church to value our marriage and
union with mind, body and soul. Our wedding date is set for July 10th,
2010 in Seattle, WA and we are both looking forward to celebrating a
Scaramental marriage in a traditional Catholic wedding mass.
Aden
is thriving in a stable family environment, for the first time in his
life, and is thoroughly enjoying pre-school at a private Catholic
school tied to our church. His behavior is much improved and he and I
are developing a bond that will continue to grow as he relies more
heavily on me as a mother figure (his mother passed away in October
2009).
Danny took a part time job as a veterinary assistant at a
local pet hospital to help him decide if veterinary medicine is a
degree plan that he wishes to pursue. He starts his undergraduate
degree this May, and it will be his first time back in the classroom
since he signed up for the US Army about 13 years ago.
Danny and
I are immersed in figuring out the right balance between work,
parenting, each other, and chores. As both of us are used to the freedom
of a single life and devoting the majority of our freetime to fitness,
it has been a strain on our energy levels to be parents of a 4 year
old while maintaining our regular activity levels. The key, we have
found, is to maintain open lines of communication. It doesn't not
matter if you truly believe that an issue needs to be brought up for
discussion or if it is just a fleeting thought . . . you must share it before
it becomes an issue. There have been things that I brought up casually,
that turned out to be something that he was struggling with but didn't
know how to express. By my mentioning it, he was able to share his
concerns that might have otherwise been kept to himself.
Bringing
to light each concern early, allows us to tackle it together and find a
solution while we are both level-headed. By continuing to do this we
are slowly becoming more efficient at home and finding more ways and
time for us to pursue our fitness goals and our spiritual growth.
Danny
completed RCIA at my parish in Oklahoma City and was finally confirmed
at the Easter Vigil this year. He is also joining the Knights of
Columbus and will likely try for the deaconate in five years when the
next training session starts. We are constantly pushing and supporting
eachother to be stronger and more active in our faith, as well as being
role models for Aden's faithful life.
