Dear Santa, Please Send Me A Boyfriend...

I absolutely love

Christmastime. I love baking, decorating, caroling, shopping, gift-giving,

feast-day celebrating...all of it.

Since I love the holiday season so much, most of my

relatives and family members would never even consider the idea that mustering

holiday cheer would ever be difficult for Stephanie Wood. And yet, sometimes it

is.

I think all of us single folks, even the very strong ones,

experience a least a few twinges of loneliness during Christmastime. For me,

those twinges turn into full-blown heartache at the shopping mall of all

places. As I stroll from store to store, listening to Christmas music on the

loudspeakers, sipping a Starbucks peppermint latte, watching the line of

parents and kids waiting for their candid moment with Santa...I feel like

everyone around me is either holding a loved one's hand, doing secret shopping

for their significant other, or pushing a stroller...and it makes me feel very

very single.

I remember one occasion at the mall, as I passed by Santa

and the line of children waiting to see him, I thought to myself "if I had a

minute with Santa, I'd probably ask for a boyfriend!"

While most of you probably love the Christmas season as I

do, I'd wager that many of you also feel a bit lonelier this time of year as

well. I just received an email from a Catholic Match member who summed up exactly

how I feel at the mall, and how many of you feel during the Christmas season:

Dear Stephanie:

The upcoming Christmas season is making me discouraged about my single

status. Don't get me wrong, there are many things I love about the Christmas

season. However, there seems to be a lot of emphasis placed on having a

significant other this time of year, either as a married person or in a

relationship. Christmas parties and family gatherings, as fun as they can be,

tend to reinforce that belief. We single folks oftentimes feel lost in the

shuffle. My family and friends have tried to reassure me that it's not too late

for me to find "someone", but I get discouraged. I'm just hopeful that it can

be a joyful time of year, regardless of outside circumstances, and that I'm not

so self-conscious about my single status.

Sincerely,

A Catholic Match Member

I've heard from at least two other Catholic Match members

that they've decided not to travel home for the holidays this year - they don't

want to deal with their relatives' comments and

well-intentioned-but-awfully-annoying advice for them, and they don't want to

be reminded at every turn that they are "dateless."

So is there a solution to the discouragement and depression

and loneliness that many single people feel during the holidays? What can we do

about the way we feel?

There's no perfect solution - of this I am absolutely sure.

It's a natural part of life that some things are just hard, no matter how you

dress them up or try to pretend them away. All I can offer as encouragement are

the thoughts and actions (both spiritual and practical) that have made my

experiences of Christmas as a single Catholic more joyful.

Join in the Christmas

Story

All the songs and commercials and decorations we see this

time of year speak of joy and happiness and peace on earth. It's easy to forget

that the Christmas story is actually riddled with suffering and sacrifice and

hardship. By all means, it's a glorious and joyous story...but it's also a

difficult one. Consider Mary, who felt scared and isolated and alone as she

faced the world as a pregnant unwed mother. Think of Joseph, who worried about

ridicule and scorn not only for himself, but also for his Betrothed. Picture the

three wise men who undertook a long and arduous journey to find their king. Can

you imagine how many times Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar were tempted to

second-guess themselves or give in to the feeling that they were on a hopeless

journey, wandering half way around the world on a futile trip? And finally, meditate

on the fact that the King of the Universe chose to become human, to enter our

messy world in a cow feeder, and accept all of the suffering and hardship the

world had prepared for him.

Being single during the holidays isn't easy, but compared to

the story of our salvation, my shopping trip to the mall with a latte and no

boyfriend is nothing to complain

about. Perspective changes everything, especially our attitudes. Perhaps Christ

is offering us the honor of suffering and sacrificing with him and his family

this Christmas.

Single People Aren't

the Only Single People...

Two weeks ago I went out for coffee with my friend Christy.

We were talking about our plans for the holidays, and I was truly caught off

guard when Christy began sharing her plans for Christmas. Christy is married to

a doctor who is in the midst of an intense residency program. Her husband

spends the bulk of his days and his nights at the hospital, and when he comes

home, he practically falls into bed in an exhausted stupor. For the bulk of the

holiday season, Christy will be attending parties by herself. She'll be

shopping at the mall by herself. She'll even be driving home for Christmas by

herself, and waiting for her husband to join the family for Christmas day.

I most definitely took it for granted that single people had

the most hardships for the holidays, but I no longer believe that is true.

There are many other people who are largely alone, even those with a ring on

their left hand. I think of my friends who are in the military, serving long

deployments overseas, away from family and friends. Those families are my

heroes...and those spouses most definitely experience a heartache this time of

year that I cannot begin to imagine.

Get together with some of these folks! Bake cookies or go

shopping together. Go to mass together, especially during the Advent season. Invite

them home with you for the holidays. While spending time with others who are

alone won't heal the ache in your heart, it will certainly give you a better attitude

and help to ease the pity-party we can so easily throw for ourselves.

Be the Hero Someone

Needs - Especially in Troubled Times

Some of my single friends truly amaze me with their positive

attitudes and giving hearts during the holidays. One of the best examples of a

positive attitude and the Christmas spirit in a single person is my friend Tim.

Tim is a single Catholic man and a successful business man.

Instead of spending the holidays at home alone and avoiding friends and

parties, Tim plays "Uncle Santa" to the families in his parish that are

struggling financially or can't give their kids a gift-laden Christmas.

Last year, Tim delivered dozens of gifts to Catholic

children in the parish. On the day before Christmas, he emailed me the story:

Back

from delivering presents to four Catholic families. Got to watch most unwrap

the presents, but the last permitted me to do something mischievous. They left

with the door unlocked and I brought in 3 garbage bags of presents (8 kids),

turned over the coffee table and stuck an elf hat underneath. Out prominently

there is a letter from Santa with a report card on each of the children's

behavior. Now, I return for dinner in an hour. Ho-ho-ho! This is more fun than

I've ever had!

I'm sure the children in these families, who didn't have

many material possessions, had their best Christmas ever. But I'm pretty sure

Tim had an even BETTER Christmas than these children, thanks to his positive

attitude and giving heart. If we can have just a fraction of Tim's perspective

of Christmas this year, we will all be truly blessed. Spending time with young

children can be medicine for the single person's soul: kids are 100% accepting

of you as you are - they won't be nagging you for not having a girlfriend or

boyfriend for the holidays!

Submit Your Wish List

Elsewhere

Your attitude

about the holidays will have an immense impact on yourself and others this

Christmas. If you sit at home and mope instead of attend a Christmas party

alone, if you refuse to go visit your family for the holidays, or if you walk

around the mall and feel sorry for yourself, then you and others around you

will most likely be miserable. Instead, if you meditate on the story of

Christmas, ask Our Lord to send you a spirit of giving and selflessness, and if

you let your family and friends love you this Christmas as they so desperately

want to....this could be your best

Christmas ever too.

Santa can't help you find a boyfriend or girlfriend. But

Jesus Christ can. In Psalm 37:4 God promises that if we delight in the Lord, he

will give us the desires of our heart. His promises are true and he will not

fail us. Renew your commitment to praying for your future spouse. Stay strong

in your faith and trust in God's promises, just as the wise men did as they

searched for the Messiah.

Those twinges might still be there this Christmas season,

but your attitude, your love, and your actions...change everything.

"But there will be no gloom for her that was in anguish. ...The people

who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of

deep darkness, on them has light shined.....For unto us a child is born, to us

a son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder, and his name will

be called ‘Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of

Peace'" (Isaiah 9:1-2, 6).