Sometimes even relationships that are meant to be can hit a roadblock. When Ashley got in her car to make the four and half hour drive back to her home, she figured this was the beginning of the end of her and Mike’s three-month relationship. It had been her first time visiting him at his home, and everything had not gone as she had hoped. “And not in an endearing and funny way,” says the 28-year-old who was living in Greenwood, Mississippi at the time.
She was feeling bewildered as to why things hadn't gone as well. Their first two dates and phone conversations had been wonderful, but that weekend nothing had felt right to her. She was having some doubts as to whether she even liked Mike. “I was thinking about how this wasn't going to be the relationship I thought it was and that we would be breaking up before we really started.”
But something happened to set her straight, and she realized how wrong her thinking had been.
Engine Trouble
Ashley was no more than a half-mile away from Mike’s home in Ocean Springs, Mississippi when her car engine started acting up, so she turned around and went back to see if he could help her. “He took such great care of me: kept me calm, tried to fix my car, and got me to the dealership the next morning. I fell in love with Mike that day. I realized that he was the rock and provider I had been searching for.”
What had Gone Wrong?
In retrospect, Ashley understands what went wrong and why she was disappointed enough to think that the relationship was over. She came to understand that she and Mike have different love languages. His love language is acts of service, and Ashley’s is physical affection. “That weekend visit was rough for me because I was expecting Mike to show affection one way, and he didn't meet my expectations. When I had to turn around, the situation gave Mike the chance to excel in the way he naturally shows love and affection,” she says.
Another big reason why she was so disappointed was that she had such high expectations for the relationship. “I had this feeling after our first phone conversation that I was meant to marry this man and then to discover that we have different love languages was a shock to me. My high expectations were terribly unfair to Mike. I praise God daily for the little miracle of car trouble—otherwise, I would have missed out on my happily ever after.”
Why They Fell in Love
Mike says he knew Ashley was a good match because they had so much in common—plus he liked looking at her beautiful smile. “From my point of view, what attracted us to one another was the similarity of our views, values, and priorities. Just how we answered our questions about our Catholic values, and how we answered each others’ questionnaires. I just felt like we had a lot in common.”
Besides Mike’s ability to take charge and make Ashley feel taken care of, she says he always has a ready smile and can find humor in almost any situation. Another plus is that Mike is a good communicator, which was especially helpful in getting their relationship off the ground. “He was extremely proactive in making conversation; he asked questions, and I didn't feel pressured to come up with the next topic of conversation,” explains Ashley.
Engagement
Christmas 2014 Mike proposed to Ashley at Bellingrath Gardens in Theodore, Alabama, during their Christmas light show. This location is where they had one of their first dates. Beside a fountain adorned with Guardian Angels, he gave her a three stone sapphire and diamond engagement ring. Though he had chosen the ring, Ashley had told him that she wanted three stones, including a sapphire, to remind her of holier things. “Sapphire to inspire me to be like our Virgin Mother. And three stones to remind me that there are three people in our engagement and future marriage: God, Mike, and myself.”
Family & Friends Approved
The fact that Ashley and Mike met online was never an issue for family and friends. “My
parents are just so happy that I am getting married that they don't really care about the online thing. It helps that they really like Mike. I joke with Mike that he is my mom's favorite child—and I have two other siblings.”
Mike adds, “I think our families were just glad that we managed to meet someone of similar values and priorities in life! My friends were very supportive and well-wishing.”
Navigating a Long-Distance Relationship
Besides the four and half hour drive between their homes, Mike travels a lot for work, so there are often many more miles between them. He’s a mechanical engineer for a shipbuilding company, and he’s required to be onsite at different locations for three months at a time. “I’ve spent almost six months traveling over the course of our [18 months] relationship, so that also introduced some challenges into our relationship,” says the 37-year-old. Challenges that they have worked to overcome by talking to each other nearly every day for an hour by phone or Skype.
When Mike was out of town last year, Ashley found an article on Pinterest containing questions to ask your future spouse called “50 Conversations To Have Before You Get Married”. “We started answering one to three of those each night. They were a great tool for us because it allowed us to approach a variety of questions.
Mike is currently away in San Diego—and will be away until a month before their wedding. This time around to keep connected, they are talking on FaceTime and asking each other questions out of a pair of booklets called, “How well do you know your bride/groom?” and they are discussing wedding plans for their September 5, 2015, wedding, which will be celebrated at St Alphonsus Church in Mississippi.
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