Why Is Valentine's Day Always Disappointing?

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Most people fall into one of these two camps come February.

  1. Ugh, the sappiest, most annoying day of the year is quickly approaching.
  2. Yay, the sweetest day of the year is quickly approaching!

The people in the second category are very intentional about Valentine's Day. They send sweet cards and give out little gifts to their nearest and dearest. And I love those people, because, honestly, I love getting gifts and being told I am loved. Unfortunately, I personally, often fall into the first category. The "Ugh" category.

While single, I used to talk to friends about how stupid and sentimentalized Valentine's Day was and how we should celebrate a true-love holiday instead.

Instead on the true-love holiday I envisioned, we would do things like, make big sacrifices for people who annoyed us. Or, make big sacrifices for people we do love and often take for granted. Then there would be no need to wallow in self-pity when we realized that we had no dates or significant other to spend time with.

And then one year I had a date on Valentine's Day.

And my grandiose plans of self-sacrificing love flew out the window, and all I wanted was gifts of food and flowers and to spend meaningful, entertaining quality time with my date.

And then I was so disappointed and sad for myself when the day didn't go as planned. When the place we were going to go to for dinner was overbooked, when we had a fight while eating dinner, and then when we talked about trivial things to patch the date up instead of having a real, meaningful conversation. Oh Cecilia.

All of this is to say that if you think Valentine's Day is silly, overrated, or doesn't celebrate the kind of love we should all be striving for, I understand where you're coming from. And at the same time, if you just want to feel loved and appreciated, and cared for on Valentine's Day, and are pining after all of the trappings of the day, I also completely understand where you're coming from.

After all, we are made by Love for Love. But the Love we are made for is perfect, so love that is all about pleasure or is only focused on me tends to disappoint pretty quickly.

That being said, how can we celebrate Valentine's Day in a way that celebrates true love and not the fake syrupy love that Hallmark tends to promote?

Here are a few ideas, using the classic "symbols" of Valentine's Day, with a corresponding way to make them less about sensual, superficial love and more about sacred, sacrificial love.

Roses   Instead of buying a dozen red roses, consider buying a small bouquet and making a field trip.  One of the spiritual works of mercy is to pray for the dead. Grab your bouquet, go to your local cemetery, and spend some time praying for the people who are buried there.

Fancy Dinner  Instead of indulging in a four course meal, make someone you know dinner and bring it to them. It might be a neighbor who is not able to get around easily due to age or a recent surgery, or maybe a coworker or friend who has small children and having dinner already made would offer them a nice break.

Chocolate  Buy a box of chocolates, the kind with the different fillings inside, and invite a single friend or two over. Have a chocolate tasting where you have to identify the flavors without looking. And then spend some time doing something else you enjoy together, appreciating the joys of friendship.

Cupid  Ah, that fat cherub holding a bow and arrow, ready to bring people together. Historically Cupid is the god of love and sexual desire...and that's not we're looking for. Replace Cupid with someone who actually brings couples together...like St. Raphael! He is a powerful archangel who spent time on earth healing and bringing Tobias and Sarah together in holy marriage. If you don't know much about him, you can spend some time learning about him and praying for you future spouse in this video class.

Lingerie/Sex  Love and sex are pretty much the same thing in our world. If you love someone you have sex with them. Which is true for Catholics as well, we just add in the caveat that sex has a purpose and a context. The purpose: uniting the couple and creating kiddos. The context: lifetime commitment in the sacrament of marriage. For unmarried singles, sex can't be sacred or sacrificial right now; it can only be selfish and sinful.  In lieu of this common "symbol" of Valentine's Day, give your body something positive to do. Find some exercise videos you can do in your house or go for a walk. Clean the bathroom, get rid of some things from your spare closet that you don't use. And if you're hazy on what Catholics believe about sex, check out these sex resources.

Valentines  These love notes are named after St. Valentine. A man who died rather than renounce his belief in God who is Love. Write a few notes of affirmation and appreciation for people you love in your life. And then at some point on February 14th, stop by the nearest Church or Adoration chapel and spend time praying for those people in the presence of the one who loves you infinitely and perfectly.

So why is Valentine's Day always disappointing?

Usually it's because we're focused on what we want and on what we don't have. Let's turn our celebration of the day outwards and spend time on our important relationships (friends, family, neighbors, God). Because if we do ever find that special someone, it is much more fulfilling to focus on making the day good for that person, rather than for ourselves.

St. Valentine, pray for us! And move over Cupid, matchmaker St. Raphael, pray for us! (Take a fascinating course about him here).

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