Trouble With In-Laws? Pray to St. Monica

It happens to me every August: I wonder why summer is so short, and also realize that the year is more than half over. Where does the time go?

This year the point is driven home even further when I see that my Year of the Saints project is eight months in. Looking at all of the saints each month has led me to realize that there just isn't enough time to learn about all of them!

For this month, I chose a saint that most of us know: St. Monica of Hippo. The story of her life is fascinating, and she is perhaps most widely recognized through her relationship to St. Augustine, and for her other children, who entered into religious lives early on. But her devotion and relentless commitment to her children is only one aspect of her life. What I also want to concentrate on was the way she dealt with an unhappy marriage. Many of us who are divorced, annulled or widowed may have had experience with this.

Arranged to be married to a much older man, St. Monica was subjected to much abuse on both her husband's part and his mother's, who lived with them. It was not uncommon at that time for married folks to live with in-laws or parents of their spouses, and it is still common today. The old cliche about the difficult mother-in-law seems to play itself out in St. Monica's life, albeit on a much more serious level. It is said that St. Monica's husband was an alcoholic with a violent temper and a tendency to stray outside of his marriage. He apparently got this temper from his mother, who treated the much-younger Monica cruelly.

What interests me is how St. Monica dealt with her living situation. She was, above all, prayerful, patient and ceaselessly kind to her husband and mother-in-law, despite their denigration and cruelty. So much so, in fact, that both of them later converted to Catholicism. Shortly thereafter, her husband died, and as a widow, she was then able to lead a religious life. But in the meantime, it is said that St. Monica reached out to the other wives in her region that were in abusive marriages as well. They would gather and talk, show support and encouragement to each other, and offer help when they could. One could look at this as the equivalent of our modern-day support groups. If St. Monica had done nothing else in her life aside from this one action, I would still consider it a triumph of  the human spirit. In her, we can see how important it is to reach out to others who are suffering. As the adage goes, a burden shared is a burden eased.

St. Monica is known as the patron saint of  wives, among many other things. In particular, housewives who are in difficult marriages,  or who are victims of abuse, adultery or violence. Tomorrow is St. Monica's feast day. On this day, spend some time contemplating how you might deal with the difficult temperaments of others in your life—present or past.

Keep in mind the wise words of the bishop that counseled St. Monica about her son Augustine: "The child of your tears shall never perish." This is a testament to the strength, patience and love that converted the most challenging people in St. Monica's life. By extension, this is a testament to the power of prayer, faith in God, and of persistence. These are things we could all learn more about. Thankfully, St. Monica is here for us.