Lauren and John's wedding became another COVID casualty, but they made the best of the situation.
"I can't put into words how jarring it is to painstakingly prepare for a wedding with a specific end date in mind, only to be surprised by a much earlier date," said Lauren, 27, and John, 30. "It was a shock to the system."
The couple, who lives in Harrisburg, PA, explains that despite having to make different plans, they felt delighted to begin their lives.
"The year of 'Yes'"
Lauren and John would have never met if Lauren had thrown in the towel on dating like she'd wanted.
In 2018, Lauren had gone on over a dozen first dates with men she had met on dating sites, church events, and parties. She had dubbed 2018, "The year of 'Yes'" because she had made up her mind to go on a date with any guy that asked her out. She saw first dates as a way to gain dating experience and as a chance to see more of Harrisburg where she had just moved.
Lauren dodged serious relationships because she didn't intend to stay in the area long. "I planned to gain three years of work experience and move back to Pittsburgh, so I didn't want to get emotionally invested in a date."
All those first date duds caused her some burnout. "I was pretty hardened, jaded, and sick of dating," Lauren recalls.
Even so, she decided to make the best of the remainder of the CatholicMatch subscription. On August 24, 2018, Lauren and John started conversing.
Good advice from a priest
Every time Lauren talked to John, she felt ready to throw in the towel because their conversations were overly awkward.
Ironically, John says, "I thought she was an excellent conversationalist."
Lauren decided to contact a mutual priest friend named Fr. Peter. John had spent time in seminary with Fr. Peter, and Lauren knew him because he had served in her former parish.
"I texted Fr. Peter after one of the phone conversations and told him I thought John was awkward, and I wanted to know if I should give him a chance. He said that he had some of his deepest conversations in seminary with John, and I should give him a chance 'only if I thought I would like him.'"
Contrary to common sense, no one had advised Lauren to date only men she liked.
"Most advice to Catholic girls is the opposite—give any guy who asks you out a chance because you don't want to hurt his ego. That advice was almost lethal to me. I felt like I had to say yes out of pity and wound up accidentally hurting guys when I called it off," she explains.
Fifteenth first date
Lauren thought she liked John enough to give him a chance.
"John was the fifteenth guy I went on a date with that year," she says.
It turns out John has fonder memories of their first date than Lauren. She loved that he asked her to go to Adoration with him, but the date went downhill after that. The two of them went for burritos, and afterward, they went to a Catholic young adult's meeting.
"She left early during a video because she lived far away," he recalls. "So, I told her that I would text her later."
Lauren felt put out that he didn't offer to walk her to her car. She chalked it up to John's lack of interest in her. To her surprise, the next day, Lauren received a text from him asking her out again.
John Thought Lauren Looked Like Pam from The Office
John and Lauren say that their second date was when their relationship took off. The couple met for Saturday night vigil Mass at the Cathedral. Afterward, they went for a long walk, and they ended up taking a riverboat ride.
"It was a blues cruise along the Susquehanna during which we talked the whole time," he remembers.
She adds, "It was awesome. The city sparkled in the water. The conversation flowed naturally and went deeper than I expected without crossing emotional boundaries, and I felt enchanted. The cruise reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of The Office—my favorite TV show—called "The Booze Cruise."
John told Lauren that she looked like The Office's Pam. "I interpreted as a quirky way of telling me that he thought I was attractive since she's 'the hot one' in the office," she laughs.
Lauren felt the date had a magical quality, and she knew she only wanted to date John. "That was a huge surprise for me, who had previously shirked commitment."
Purgatory then pandemic
John and Lauren thought their ten-month engagement was almost too long.
"The movies make engagement look like this magical thing that is so wonderful and fun. Only one person ever told me that it was purgatory," she says. "You're in this painful purification process of already-but-not-yet, learning more about the other, working through your baggage together, and ever more deeply desiring union with the other in a way that cannot be fulfilled outside of the Sacrament of Matrimony."
Even though the pandemic struck in March, Lauren felt convinced that nothing would interfere with her April 18, 2020 wedding, but then things began to escalate and she started to realize the magnitude of the virus. The couple received word from the Cathedral of St. Patrick in Harrisburg that only ten people could be in the church including the priest and the couple. They were also given the option to keep the wedding date or postpone it.
"We had to make some of the toughest decisions we've had to make since getting together, and we decided to narrow down our [160-guest] wedding list to our parents, two witnesses, and a photographer," she explains. "It was like living in a period drama, but far less romantic than television would have you believe."
The couple made a mad dash to get their marriage license before everything closed down. Now nothing could stop their April 18 wedding. Then Lauren received a text message from her spiritual director in Pittsburgh saying that the diocese had shut down everything—Masses, weddings, baptisms, funerals—because two Pittsburgh priests had contracted COVID-19.
He told her, "I am shocked what's happening—you might want to move up your wedding date."
Less than 16-hours to put the wedding together
John and Lauren decided on March 29, 2020, for their wedding, and nothing went as planned. They had wanted to have a Fr. Peter preside over their marriage in the Tridentine Rite, but they ended up having another priest they knew celebrate the wedding in the Novus Ordo.
"By the time it came to get married, I said, 'I don't care if we marry in Japanese—let's just get married.' John agreed," she shares. "We had a marvelous, beautiful little wedding. We went back to my mother-in-law's place where Mission BBQ catered, had a wonderful dinner, and went home to play 'I Only Have Eyes for You' by the Flamingos for our first dance."
Afterward, John and Lauren took a short honeymoon to the Poconos just before the governor prohibited travel. The couple is living in a small apartment outside of Harrisburg.
"I'm a totally smitten wife and admittedly enjoy being in quarantine with him and working from home," she closes.
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