The Knight and His Lady

Shayla was beginning to think marriage might not be in the cards for her.

“I rather doubted I’d ever get married. I was 27 before I went on my first date, but I figured if God wanted me to be married someday, it would be a good idea to put myself out there,” Thus, Shayla joined CatholicMatch, though she wasn’t sure it would be a good fit.

“I wasn’t really sure what online dating etiquette should be like. Some of the guys I talked to, I felt like they were shopping for someone to fit the role of girlfriend and eventually wife. I felt rather objectified by several guys--I don’t think it was intentional on their part, but it sometimes seemed like some of them were projecting their ideas of who and what I should be, rather than seeing me as myself. I got the impression that (some guys) thought since we met on a dating website, of course, I’d be ready to advance a relationship. Why wouldn’t I want to be known as his girlfriend? What’s wrong with a kiss the first time we meet? I needed a little more time and patience with that, and it wasn’t until I met Jacob that I found someone willing to initiate the patience without me needing to specifically ask.”

CatholicMatch allowed Jacob to look beyond his immediate social group.

He had been a member of CatholicMatch on and off for about nine years, and Shayla had been a member for three years when the site matched them in April 2019. Jacob recalls what caught his attention in addition to her photos. Under her Ideal Match, Shayla stated that “she was looking for someone to be a companion on this adventure we call Life. There was a distinct tone of ‘growth together’ that I really appreciated. With other potential matches, I felt there was a lot of ground to cover in order to ‘keep pace’ with the other’s lifestyle or faith practices.” Jacob quickly decided to make contact. “I had learned a while ago that women tend to prefer that the man initiates the contact and to take it at a controlled and deliberate pace,” he advises.

Most of their first meetings were in the context of family, and Jacob always asked to make sure Shayla was okay with moving their relationship to the next stage.

The first time they met was in June 2019 when Shayla invited Jacob to Mass where her family was the choir. “I spotted Jacob in the pew, but didn’t have a chance to introduce myself before Mass. When I came over afterward, the first thing Jacob told me was that he thought he might have died and was listening to angels singing! How do you respond to a comment like that?” Shayla smiles.

After spending a couple of hours with her family, Shayla realized he fit in well and said yes to a first date. Jacob adds that this first meeting with her family was a bit surprising. “As I approached the door of their house, one of Shayla’s sisters stepped out and yelled back through the door, ‘Hey Lil! Where are your throwing knives?’ And here I thought it was Shayla’s brothers I needed to worry about! Needless to say, they didn’t scare me off,” he laughs. 

That first date, scheduled for August 25, 2019, almost didn’t happen.

The day before Shayla had a bit of an issue with getting her car ready for the drive, “I was changing the oil on my car and had a slight mishap...if you can call wrecking the oil filter housing so it sprays oil everywhere a slight mishap! Thankfully, Dad took care of my car and Mom gave me a ride down.” And that first date began in a cemetery, of all places. “It seems kinda weird at first, but fitting if you look with greater depth,” Jacob explains.

“God presented me with a place private enough to talk, yet in the presence of many who have gone on ahead of us. I felt it was necessary to tell Shayla some of my personal struggles and be open about them. To say that I was shocked by her response might be an understatement. Overcome with joy, awe, and wonder would be more accurate!”

Shayla agreed to a courtship, but since Jacob wasn’t keen on the boyfriend/girlfriend terminology, they chose to refer to each other as the knight and his lady!

“It’s pretty amazing how things fit into that,” Shayla adds. “Jacob and I each have our dragons to fight, but we also help guard the other’s back in battle. I value Jacob too much to leave him to the mercy of anything that wants only to destroy. I’ll be there fighting at his side, providing support where I can, and praying for him every step of the way. In the same way, he’s there to support me. When one of us does slip, the other is there to help repair the armor and defend the ramparts. Those dragons know our weak points and target them heavily, but having someone else stand guard and shield you until you can get back to your feet is an amazing gift.” 

During their courtship, the couple discovered how much they need each other.

“It is truly amazing how our faults and strengths perfectly match,” Shayla marvels. “I am able to provide some of the imagination and wonder, but he provides a sturdy strong base for me to build on.”

Those were the traits that first attracted Shayla to Jacob, along with his drive and his curiosity and excitement about things. Later in their relationship, it was the fact that she can be vulnerable with him, “whether that is crying on his shoulder, admitting faults, talking about fears or concerns, being ecstatically happy and silly, or anything in between, and I don’t feel judged or condemned. He can talk me out of an emotional trainwreck, and still loves me!” Jacob loves how Shayla appreciates the small things in life, and her spontaneity and adventurous spirit. “She’s not blind to the turmoil of the world, but simply wants to see God’s beauty contained in it.” 

Fast forward to the proposal in March of 2020!

Jacob had ordered a ring, gotten permission from the parents, and planned to propose on Divine Mercy Sunday. But some states were already shutting down due to Covid-19. His mother suggested that he ask earlier, and loaned him a ring. But just before he left to meet Shayla, he discovered the ring would be too small. So what was this farmer’s solution? “I made one out of stainless steel wire I had on hand. To switch from a gold and diamond ring to a five-minute rush project pained me to no end! But her beauty shone through in her sheer appreciation of my effort.” Jacob proposed at a veteran’s memorial park, with an alley that pointed to a lake island coincidentally named “Knight Island”.

Jacob and Shayla plan to be married on January 2, 2021, by their dear friend Father Andrew, who is helping them with their marriage preparation.

“No matter what ideas or dreams I might have of our wedding, the most important fact is I’ll be pledging myself to Jacob as he will pledge himself to me. It’s the beginning of our journey together, a journey where the end and goal is Heaven.”