She Really Hated Online Dating
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Samuel and Mary discovered that a shared Catholic faith and academic-orientation didn’t mean they would share the same opinions.
“I was deeply offended that he did not like Jane Austen,” exclaims Mary, 29. “He also didn’t seem to love poetry and music as much as I do.”
Samuel, 30, added, “We had to realize that while we were both intellectuals, there were differences in how we valued culture, especially literature—and indeed we had many arguments over books and movies!”
While such a difference of opinion appeared as a minor obstacle to their relationship—something that other people with strong opinions on literature can likely sympathize with—it didn’t hinder their relationship long term.
“I decided that he was a good man, and a good man is hard to find,” concedes Mary. “He is much holier than I am, and that is more important than having identical academic interests. And he knows a lot more about medieval canon law than I do!”
Their intellectual inclinations continue to be a big part of the couple’s marriage. Since their marriage, Samuel and Mary both teach at the same Catholic school in Texas.
If CatholicMatch worked for Ken & Barbie, then maybe it would work for Mary.
Mary—who doesn’t have any social media—found online dating to be a stretch. She had to overcome some preconceptions before she took the plunge and joined CatholicMatch.
“A married couple told me that their friends had met on CatholicMatch. They described these people as ‘Ken and Barbie.’ They showed me pictures, and it was true; these people were very attractive.”
She was also struck by the fact that they had attended Catholic colleges, but they still met their spouse on CatholicMatch.
“When I saw that these people were happy and beautiful, I gradually realized that: 1) I am single 2) I am eligible 3) Therefore, there are other single eligible people out there.”
Mary discussed the idea with her mom, her friend, and her spiritual director. After they all said it sounded like a good idea, Mary worked up the courage to make a profile.
Mary liked that Samuel was both academic and a farm boy.
Samuel joined CatholicMatch because, as he approached 30, he realized he needed to be more intentional about finding a wife. He had been on CatholicMatch for a few years when he saw Mary’s profile five days after she joined.
“What I first found attractive about Mary were her lovely pictures with various family members. The fact that she went to daily Mass was confirmation that I should investigate!”
Mary liked that Samuel, who grew up on a farm in Canada with 12 siblings, combined this kind of childhood with academic pursuits. Mary, who was living in Dallas, also connected with Samuel’s profile because they are both Catholic converts.
Despite those shared passions, their relationship didn’t progress immediately after the first message. “We messaged consistently for a week in October 2018. Then he said he had to tie up some loose ends in Houston [where Samuel was living] and that he could not be ‘intentional and decisive’ with me right now.”
But, she hated online dating...
Mary was under the impression that Samuel was discerning the priesthood, but he was actually seeing a girl in Houston. While Samuel explored that relationship, Mary continued to use CatholicMatch, but she often found it frustrating.
“A lot of people treated it too casually. If they opened with a question like, ‘How are you’ or ‘What kind of whiskey do you like,” I wasn’t very impressed. I would go through phases where I wouldn’t check it for days because I hated it.”
Still, Mary persisted and eventually forced herself to check CatholicMatch every day and respond to messages with 24 hours.
In January 2019, Samuel reached out to Mary again. Two weeks later, they met for their first date.
Mary was robbed before their first date!
The night before Mary and Samuel went on their first date, someone broke into Mary’s car and stole her wallet and phone. Still, she decided to go through with the date with Samuel since he’d driven the four hours from Houston the Dallas.
Samuel recalls walking up to the door of her house in Dallas, “She was playing the piano while waiting. I remember the music floating out as I walked up to the door and first met my future wife.”
“He thought I would be more flustered about the robbery than I was,” adds Mary. Instead, the couple went on a “marathon” ten-hour date that included a stock show, a cathedral, dinner, and a Shakespeare play.
“As a farm boy, I was in my element at the stock show, where various farmers showcased their prize animals,” recalls Samuel. “We had such a good time that we tried to stay for the rodeo that evening. The tickets were sold out, but we wanted to extend the date so we thought of something else we might do.”
Mary and Samuel felt so intent on spending more time together that they persevered when their backup plan—the museum—was closed. They finally settled on attending a performance of Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
Before the play, Mary experienced part of Samuel’s sense of humor: feigned ignorance. “He asked me, ‘What’s Hamlet?” I was shocked and horrified, and I looked at him like he was an uneducated troll. He laughed it off and said he was kidding. This trend has continued into our marriage. He still thinks it’s funny, and it’s growing on me.”
On the drive back to Houston after their ten-hour date, Samuel remembers feeling confident they would continue to date. “My emotions the whole day were calm. I enjoyed spending time with Mary—and still do!”
Samuel took Mary home to propose!
Samuel asked Mary to be his wife during a trip to Canada to meet his family. A few days after entering the country, they traveled up North to the farm where Samuel was raised.
“As I knew we would marry in the U.S., I wanted the engagement to be in Canada,” explains Samuel.
“I took Mary to a point where three fields meet, a place filled with childhood memories. After some preamble, I got on my knee and proposed,” reminisces Samuel.
Mary found engagement difficult, “I thought it would never end,” she reveals. “We were so attracted to each other that we gave up all physical contact—even holding hands—before we got engaged. We know that this is not a precept of the church, but it was the right thing for us.”
They also dealt with COVID-19 complications while planning their wedding in Pensacola, FL, where Mary’s family lives. Mary’s family was able to help with and attend the wedding, but Samuel’s family couldn’t make it due to the Canadian border closure.
On the feast of Saint Anthony of Padua, June 13, 2020, the couple said, “I do.” Samuel’s family zoomed in for the ceremony and reception. Their priest from Dallas performed the traditional Latin rite nuptial Mass.
“It was beautiful,” Samuel fondly remembers. “Many of the memories of the day are those from the beginning: sitting in the church awaiting the arrival of the bride and the commencement of the ceremony. I remember kneeling before the altar with my wife, our hands on a crucifix, ready to accept each other as the cross we will bear.”
Mary recalls, “I remember the words of the marriage rite sinking into me and paying very close attention. At the reception, we had a delightful time at the reception with drinking, dancing, and singing. Our honeymoon was also lovely; we saw the mountains, the woods, and the beach.”
They find beauty in the monotony of everyday routine.
Both Mary and Samuel have enjoyed the routine of married life. For Samuel, the “monotonous routine” is even more enjoyable than their honeymoon.
“The highlight of marriage is the melding of two lives: forming harmonious routines, settling into a new apartment, and looking forward to what future God will grant,” shares Samuel.
Mary agrees, adding, “My favorite days are those when we are both very calm, and we talk naturally about what is happening. I am very headstrong and selfish, but Samuel puts up with it like a champ. What I appreciate most is his steadiness of temper. He is very patient with me and never loses his temper.”
Samuel continues, “I don’t find marriage difficult, but the hardest part is controlling how you think about the other person, making sure that petty resentments are pushed aside. Overall, domestic life is full of enjoyment."
He says of Mary, “After some months of marriage, I continue to admire her piety towards her parents. I also appreciate how dedicated she is to the relationship, always looking for ways to improve how we interact with each other.”