When Aixa joined CatholicMatch she started out as a “passive” user.
She was, she says, “just waiting to be messaged.”
But after waiting and waiting she realized she needed a different approach. So she went from passive to proactive: “I sent emails here and there,” she says. But it took her four months before she met someone she was actually interested in. It didn't work out. “He wasn’t the one,” Aixa said.
After a failed relationship, she took a break from CatholicMatch.
She ended their brief relationship and also took a time-out from CatholicMatch. When she returned, she laid out her situation before God.
“I said to God, ‘I don’t know if you have someone for me out there, but I'll do my part and you can show me. If nothing comes out of it at least I’ll have a peace of mind that I did all in my power and that is your will for me,’” Aixa recalled.
It was Lent, so Aixa decided to make using CatholicMatch part of her Lenten discipline.
“I made it a Lenten resolution to message four guys every week and be open. Even if nothing romantic came out of it, I’ll have some good conversation with other guys seeking to love God more and with the same struggles trying to find their person out there,” Aixa said.
Her proactive approach finally paid off: one of her messages struck home with Tom.
He says there was a lot about Aixa that he found attractive: her natural beauty, attendance at daily Mass, and the fact that she had the responsibility of being the oldest child with three younger brothers—something he could relate to. “I also liked that she was from Puerto Rico because I learned Spanish while living in Chile for fifteen months and grew to love Latino culture,” Tom said.
Their first meeting was in an airport.
Since Tom lived in northern California and she was in Portland, Oregon they had to communicate long distance for a month. Their first meeting was in the airport, when Tom came to visit. Nagging doubts and fears pulled at her mind. “What if we didn’t have chemistry? What if he was a weirdo?” Aixa said.
For a month, Tom had been a voice on the other line or a face on a screen if they video chatted. She said it was “weird seeing him in 3D.’” But the awkwardness soon dissipated: “He made a lame joke that broke the ice and we went right back to ourselves,” Aixa said.
Just two months after dating, Tom relocated to live in the same city as Aixa.
Their first date turned into a day-long lineup of activities. They started off with coffee and then they went to The Grotto in Portland, a Marian sanctuary devoted to the Sorrowful Mother. They continued to talk and then took a break for some errands before going to a confirmation Mass where Aixa was a sponsor. The day ended with some salsa dancing.
It didn’t take long for things to get serious. One month later they were “officially dating” and two months later Tom relocated to Oregon, taking out the long-distance component to their relationship.
Both Aixa and Tom say that their connection on an emotional level plus their deeper alignment on values and spirituality is what convinced them they were meant for each other.
“Our pasts are very similar. He’s a man of God. Definitely there is chemistry between us, which is important in a relationship...but more than that, because we have the same goals in mind. Our core values are aligned, how we want to live—for others, for God,” Aixa said.
“And it’s definitely a plus that he makes me laugh... especially when there are tough patches in our relationship he lightens the mood which helps,” she added.
“I decided she was the one when I realized she is just as big of a dork as I am,” Tom said. “She constantly makes me laugh with her dramatic, over-the-top humor.”
Even though both had seriously discerned religious vocations, God called them both to marriage—and each other.
Both had previously discerned other vocations. Aixa, who is in her early 30s, had been a missionary sister for four years while Tom, who is turning 30 this year, had explored the priesthood in seminary for two years.
For Tom, their shared experience in discerning vocations other than marriage is a benefit to their relationship now. “We also share similar crosses from our past that helps us understand each other better which seems very providential in my opinion,” Tom said.
As a couple, they’ve also had to bear a number of crosses: Tom has been dealing with some health issues, including sleep apnea and a thyroid condition and he also was unable to find work in Portland, leading him back to school. “These aren’t typical relationship stressors for people our age,” Tom said.
But they persevered through them. They were engaged in April last year and married on December 15, 2018.
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