Some people spend a long time looking for a match in the so-called real world. Elizabeth was one of them—but not Raymond.
As he tells it, he wasn’t really searching at all. “My previous relationships were based mostly on desperation and mild rebellion,” he said.
That ended when he joined CatholicMatch. “I thought that it was time for me to ‘grow up,’ do the right thing, and choose a woman to date whom had the same passion for the faith as I do,” he said.
Then the searching began. Raymond was on CatholicMatch for more than a year—18 months to be exact—before he crossed paths with Elizabeth.
My priest suggested I try CatholicMatch
Elizabeth had been searching for the right man well before she signed up for the site. “I was talking to a priest. I mentioned how hard it was to find a Catholic man. Then he gave me a bulletin. He told me to try the dating website advertised in the bulletin,” Elizabeth said.
So she signed up for six months and she met some people—but not the right ones.
It was only when she was halfway in her second six-month run on the site that she met Raymond.
Raymond said Elizabeth’s head shot caught his eye. But so did something she mentioned about her personality: she was shy.
Raymond saw that as an opportunity, “I knew right away that this was going to be an opportunity for me to serve by encouraging her to teach other people how to treat her.” (He adds that he was also attracted to the fact that she was a cradle Catholic who was still faithful.)
When you're late to your first date...
Elizabeth may have been the shy one, but both were nervous before their first date. Raymond got caught in rush hour and worried Elizabeth would abandon the date.
“He called to make sure I didn't leave with frustration,” Elizabeth recalled.
“Getting to the meeting place was a complete relief!” Raymond said. “She was all hugs when I arrived.”
“It was obvious that Elizabeth was as timid as she mentioned. She refused to say more than ten words on our first date! ” Raymond added. But in time he was able to get her to open up by asking open-ended questions.
As their relationship grew, Raymond says one way he knew Elizabeth was right for him was how they handled their disagreements.
“It is perfectly clear that Elizabeth has been the right match for me because she and I have faced some pretty serious disagreements. We have managed to solve each matter immediately, and respectfully. Despite our challenges, she is still 110 percent committed,” he said.
As Raymond and Elizabeth grew closer to each other, they’ve also drawn each other nearer to God. This became especially clear in their deepening commitment to the sacraments.
After their first date, Elizabeth once made an observation that stuck with Raymond. “You make the Mass more fun for me!” she told him, revealing that since childhood she had been led to assume that the Mass should be boring.
Elizabeth, in turn, has revitalized Raymond’s experience of another sacrament: confession. “She has changed my perspective on confession by mentioning the fact that it is good to go to confession more often than only during the penitential seasons. We continue to learn from one another!” Raymond said. (There is something fitting about the fact that they both got engaged on Independence Day in 2017.)
I tried my best to trick her
Raymond happened to propose to Elizabeth while her whole family was present, as well as some friends, during the holiday weekend. Raymond announced to the whole group that he had something to say and then he turned to Elizabeth.
“I did my best to ‘trick’ Elizabeth. I was unsuccessful at doing so, however. Suffice it to say, I did the traditional proposal,” Raymond said.
While they have both remained committed to the traditions of their shared faith, Raymond and Elizabeth note that they have broken one tradition in their families by becoming the first interracial couple in either one. Raymond calls it “breaking the cycle and not the traditions.”
“My major emphasis in this case has been on the faith, and not the ethnic group of my partner,” he said.“Since we have only been married for a short time thus far, Elizabeth and I have only been traditional about our faith. Each of her siblings, and each of mine who are married, have married someone within their own race. The only challenge that we have experienced is being asked about our challenges as an interracial couple,” Raymond said.
Raymond and Elizabeth, now both in their mid-30s, got married in January 2018 and live in southern California.
