Marriage Has Nothing To Do With You

We were standing in front of the iconic arches marking the entryway to our shared alma mater on a sunny June afternoon when my CatholicMatch boyfriend, George, reached deep into his cargo shorts and kneeled down in front of me with a diamond ring glistening in front of me. Cushion cut, my favorite.

At some point in the moments that followed, after George recited words of love and promise that floated straight to my heart, I said one word that affirmed our engagement and intent to marry.

Yes.

It wasn’t until the next morning after dozens of photos, celebratory toasts and the countless well-wishes did I fully register the significance of that single word. I may have said yes to a proposal, but I also said yes to much more.

I said yes to George and the life we will lead together.

I said yes to our future children that we hope to be blessed with.

I said yes to love, to honor and to respect.

But most importantly, we both said yes to someone who did not have a physical seat at our engagement dinner—God.

Our culture proclaims that everything in our lives is about us as individuals, especially weddings and marriage. It’s me, me, me all of the time, and weddings can serve as the biggest personal show of them all. As I began creating Pinterest boards and watching “Say Yes to the Dress” with greater interest, those messages flashed prominently in front of me proclaiming that this is my day, my time and my opportunity to live out the Cinderella fantasy.

But marriage isn’t really about me. It’s not about George, and it’s not even about us as a couple. A covenantal marriage reflects the Trinity and includes three people—the couple and God. Maybe that's why so many marriages fail in our world. We don't know whom we're saying yes to or what we're committing to.

You don’t say yes to a wedding, a lifestyle or even just one person. You say yes to the third person in your marriage as well, and without that crucial component, you don't fully have the presence of the Holy Spirit to guide you through for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Speaker Mo Isom recently wrote about her own engagement on her blog, saying that she initially doubted her original decision to accept the proposal based on her perception of perfection:

“Marriage is a taste. A tiny, intimate taste, of God’s love for us. It is a promise that is not taken lightly because, ultimately, it is a promise to accept another and love another like God loves us, daily. It is nothing we can even come close to doing on our own. And that is the joy of saying ‘yes’ to the proposal. Not that we have found the ‘perfect person,’ but that we are a step closer to drawing back a layer and getting to see God’s perfect love played out in a beautiful way in our lives.”

In our individualistic society, it can be difficult to hear that even in the midst of marriage prep, it’s not truly about us. But because marriage is not just about the couple, we have access to the full arsenal of God’s blessings that promise to provide true happiness, true love and true joy. As Catholics, everything we are and everything we commit to being is connected to a bigger, holier purpose—God’s perfect plan.

Say yes today to God’s will for your life, so that when you look into the eyes of your future spouse, you can say yes together to a shared, lifelong commitment with God and what He has in store for your marriage.