Making New Christmas Memories After Divorce

Celebrating holidays after divorce can be one of the most difficult challenges of life as a single parent. Trying to work out a schedule that is meaningful for everyone and doesn’t turn into a tug-of-war as far as extended families are concerned can be a feat as tall as Mt. Everest.

One of the things I often suggest to combat some of this tension is to make new traditions. If you have your time and energy invested in reshaping your new family life, there is less time to argue. And if you have new activities and events to look forward to, which you and your children are excited about, you are more likely to be accommodating when it is most important.

If your children are old enough, certainly get their input about where they would like to go and who they would like to see during the Christmas season.  Even if plans can’t be changed, it gives the children a sense of being heard and having their feelings validated.  

I know that it bothers you when Aunt Sally says… so let’s plan some things you can talk to her about that won’t upset you.

Once those important issues are addressed, turn your energy to something more fun.

How do you plan new traditions?

Take a look at the liturgical year. There are many opportunities for festivities that are linked but don’t compete with Christmas: consider a St. Nicholas party on December 6, celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception on December 8, or find a Spanish-speaking parish and join them for the Feast of our Lady of Guadalupe on December 12.

Consider Jesus’ family tree and then do some research at your local library about your own. Find out how Christmas was celebrated by your ancestors and then introduce some new activity or food that you can trace back to your homeland.

Focus more time on celebrating Advent—looking for that peace and joy that comes in preparing well. Share this with your children.

Finding opportunities to share the joy of Christmas in ways that don’t increase your stress about finances will also free you up to have some real fun with your family. If you enjoy Christmas lights, map out a route to some Churches in your area and visit them on a Sunday afternoon. Bake cinnamon rolls during the first snowfall. Find out if you can get discounted tickets to the local dance troupe’s performance of The Nutcracker (many give discounts at the door if the show is not sold out!). Go to a Christmas pageant or your local high school chorus concert. Plan an evening in with friends and play age-appropriate games. Cook breakfast for dinner every Sunday during Advent. Don’t forget the hot chocolate!

Aside from attending Mass, there are no hard and fast rules about how best to celebrate the festivities of Christmas so get creative and try some new ways to bring the joy of Christmas into your heart and into the hearts of your children during this special time of year.

Creating new, happy memories will be one thing that you and your children can take from this time and it will give you something to look forward to for the next Christmas. season.