When Leanne, a 45-year-old single mom with four children, joined CatholicMatch in November 2011, she was really nervous about the prospect of dating again. “I wasn’t really sure what to do when I first joined, so I sent several emotigrams out to men that seemed interesting.”
During this time she had also joined eHarmony. She noticed that both eHarmony and CatholicMatch had matched her with Jim, a 56-year-old single parent who also had four children.
Jim was also one of the men she had sent an emotigram to. “When I saw his face I remembered: ‘That’s the guy that did not respond to me!’ I ignored his match. I was thinking: no way.”
Six months later in May 2012, she was surprised to get an email from Jim with the subject line: “Sorry this took me so long.” After reading his email, Leanne discovered the reason Jim had not responded to her. His dad had been dying of cancer and had unfortunately passed away. He was just now picking up his life again.
In the email, Jim asked her to lunch. The two of them were both from Georgia and lived only 15 minutes away from each other. When they first met Leanne felt instantly attracted to Jim, but she kept thinking: ‘We both have four kids; we have an age difference, so I am not really sure how this can work out—but I really like him.’”
Taking It Slow
At first, Leanne decided to take thing really slowly. “I had some qualms about his being 11 years older than me. I had these feelings for him, but I was really resisting them especially for the first three weeks or so. I felt very connected to him, but I was worried about his being so much older than me.”
She started to think about some of the guys she had met before she and Jim started seeing one another. These guys were in their 40s, but they were not physically healthy. “I realized that age doesn’t really matter because Jim is in great shape; his attitude is young, his body is young—everything about him is vibrant. It’s just a number really.”
Once she truly got to know Jim, all of her concerns dissipated. It was easy for her to fall in love with him because he was such a kind, thoughtful, honest, and very calm person to be around. Leanne admitted that she found him incredibly handsome. They also shared the same values and both of them are very family-oriented. She discovered that they had shared the same faith-journey, and they had read the same Catholic books.
Learning to Be Herself
Once Leanne became more comfortable with Jim, she began the process of learning to be true to herself. In the past, she had often tried to be someone she wasn’t to please those around her.
When they first started dating, Jim had sent her an email asking her whether she wanted to go to a concert, to a play, or dinner. The play was The Screwtape Letters based on the C.S. Lewis book by the same name. “I thought, ‘I really want to see The Screwtape Letters, but he might think I’m boring.”
She struggled between choosing what she wanted to do and what she thought Jim might prefer. “I decided: ‘I just need to be myself today—now.”
She picked The Screwtape Letters and they had an amazing date. “It was a new thing for me not to try to be what everyone else wants me to be—to be myself, to be honest, to be authentic.”
Talking to the Kids
Leanne and Jim both have four children from previously annulled marriages. When they met, her children's ages were 8, 10, 15, and 18 years old and Jim’s children were 18, 20, 23, and 25. They didn’t want to introduce their children to every person they dated. Consequently, “we didn’t meet one
another’s children for several months. I learned first about his kids through him, and I could tell that he was a good dad."
Leanne’s children were anxious to meet Jim, so when they met him they were very excited. “They were ready for me to move on and to be happy.”
Since Jim’s kids weren’t all living at home, Leanne slowly met his children one by one.
Proposal
On July 30, 2013, the night before Jim was taking his children on a two-week vacation, he had invited Leanne and her children over to his house. Before dinner, he asked everyone to
gather and he took out a piece of paper, which he had written a speech on. “He was so nervous. I wish we had it on video. He thought of everything he had wanted to say to me, to his children, and to my children about family, love, commitment, and God.”
When he was done with his speech, Jim pulled out a ring. “I was expecting a proposal because we had spoken about it, but I wasn’t expecting a ring. He had told me that he had ordered one, but it wasn’t in yet.”
Jim was anxious about giving Leane the ring, so he just handed her the box with the ring in it. His youngest daughter, Sarah, exclaims: “Dad! Take the ring out of the box and get down on your knee.”
Leanne recalls that she was so nervous that she couldn’t remember which finger the ring was supposed to go on.
Family Wedding
“We had a six-month engagement, which I recommend to anyone because there is less time to fret about the details,” she says
On December 28, 2013, they were married. “Having a holiday wedding was great because most people have downtime or are on vacations, so all of our kids and extended family were able to be at our wedding.”
Their children were a big part of the wedding; they comprised the wedding party. Leanne has three daughters and a son and Jim has three sons and a daughter, so they had four bridesmaids and four groomsmen.
Combining Families
“The biggest challenge initially was making sure we were combining our families in a healthy way.” Consequently, one of the first things they did was to purchase a home with many bedrooms, so that all of their children would feel like they were welcome to come home.
“We have had our challenges blending two families. I think it’s important for people to realize that those challenges can be overcome.”
Currently only Leanne’s two youngest live with them. “They adore Jim and they look up to him.”
