I Found Him But He Is 3,700 Miles Away
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In October 2015, Cassandra, then 26, made a firm commitment to herself that she would give up dating for the rest of the fall and winter. She deleted every dating app from her phone and removed her profile from Match.com and Christian Mingle.
The resolution lasted about twenty-four hours.
Perusing an old church bulletin, she found an ad for CatholicMatch proclaiming ‘New Jersey Catholic Singles!’ It was enough to drive her to break her online dating fast and set up an account.
"If I'm going to be torturing myself by dating online," she thought "it might as well be with other Catholics."
He discerned religious life, speaks 3 languages, and met the Pope?!
For a couple weeks she wandered the profiles of eligible young men in her area without anything really sticking. Then she received a message from Michael, who was then 30. He told her she had a beautiful smile and concluded with a quote from the poet Rilke.
Following it to his profile, she found he had discerned religious life, traveled the world, spoke three languages, and had a picture of himself meeting the Pope.
Cassandra immediately texted her sister to say she’d found the one.
There was only one obstacle: namely, the Atlantic Ocean. You see, while Cassandra had hoped to find her match in New Jersey, she actually found him in Madrid. This made things rather complicated.
Not quite sure what to do about the situation, Cassandra sent a reply saying they should meet up if he’s ever on the East Coast, then tried to forget about him by the somewhat counterintuitive method of reading two books of Rilke’s poetry. Then, to her relief, he wrote back, which turned out to be the beginning of a series of long messages, followed by hours of Skype time.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
As many other couples in similar circumstances have discovered, a long distance relationship ironically forced them to become well-acquainted very quickly. Talking was all they had, and so they were obliged to make the most of it by sharing all they had. Or, as Cassandra put it, “We got close quickly because were so far away from each other.”
By the time the holidays rolled around, they were in love and, fortunately, Michael was coming home for a Christmas visit.
The first time they saw each other was at Penn Station, at the beginning of what turned out to be a perfect day. They had bagels, went to Mass at St. Patrick’s, kissed before the sarcophagi at the Met, and went to see Les Miserables on Broadway.
Our epic first date
“It was one of the best days of my life,” Cassandra said, looking back.
Now that they’d come face to face, the rest was a matter of time. Cassandra was able to make it to Spain in her turn for Holy Week, at which point the difficulty of their situation could no longer be ignored. One of them was going to have to make an enormous sacrifice, to leave the life they had and move across the sea.
This prompted a lot of prayers, tears, and hard conversations. Though they’d only known each other nine months, they knew they wanted to be together forever, yet being together meant one or the other must say goodbye to all they now knew. Only God could tell them how to untie this particular knot.
“We prayed a lot for guidance,” Michael recalled. “And examined our hearts to determine the nature of our fears. Finally, we were able to see that God was calling us together.”
One of us is going to have to make a huge sacrifice
In the end, Cassandra was the one who made the sacrifice. She resolved that, after they were married, she would join him in the kingdom of St. James. Once this momentous decision was made, things began to happen quickly.
Michael came home for the summer, and in June, standing in Cassandra’s childhood bedroom, he offered her his mother’s engagement ring. Three months later, on September 29th, 2016 (a date selected to honor St. Raphael, whom they credited with helping guide them through the relationship) they were married in a small, intimate ceremony. Two days later, they were on a plane to Granada to begin their life together.
Though now married for over two years, Cassandra and Michael still struggle with the logistical issues of an ocean-spanning marriage. In addition to the normal struggles of adjusting to a new country, language, and customs, there have been legal difficulties.
I wouldn't trade it for anything
As of this writing, visa issues have necessitated another temporary separation, and even when they are together Cassandra still has to deal with her own separation from family and friends. Yet, even so they wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
Their home is with each other, and God links them together even when the ocean separates them. Whatever struggles they may have to face, they know their faith will bring them through.
Long distance relationships are never easy, especially when they involve whole other countries. Some may quite reasonably conclude that they are not worth it, but Cassandra and Michael would disagree.
“I can tell you it was not easy for me,” said Cassandra, speaking to those facing similar challenges. “I can also tell you that the biggest sacrifice I have ever made in my life has also brought me the greatest joy.”