After losing his wife, Larry, 69, sought the advice of a late vocation priest, who had also been a widower. Much to Larry’s surprise, the priest told him to get on with life and even circled the CatholicMatch ad in the parish’s bulletin. So in May of 2015, Larry joined CatholicMatch and started saying a daily rosary with a special plea to Mary to find someone to love. Larry says he felt apprehensive about the chance of finding someone when he posted his profile, but he didn’t have to wait long.
Kathy, 68, had already been on CatholicMatch for a year when Larry joined, but she says that
she didn’t have very many responses until after she finished the Our Lady Undoer of Knots novena in Spring of 2015.
On May 28, 2015, the day that Larry joined, Kathy welcomed him to CatholicMatch. It was lucky for the couple that Kathy took the initiative because Larry was only looking at members within 50 miles of his New Jersey home and Kathy lived 200 miles away in Essex, Connecticut.
Kathy says that when she read Larry’s profile, she was impressed with his intelligence and his dedication to the Catholic Church. Larry, on the other hand, says he was drawn to Kathy’s photos that showed her passion for creative cooking. This is something they would later bond over because Larry is also an accomplished cook.
When they started corresponding, Larry and Kathy found out that they had many more things in common. Larry had once lived in Essex and he still regularly traveled there. They also bonded over their faith. “Our code of ethics was a match but, most importantly, we both found solace and comfort in praying the rosary on a daily basis,” says Larry.
A Coincidence Brings Them Together
While clearing out some of his deceased wife’s books, Larry came across a souvenir program of the Essex Steam Train from the 1980s. Kathy had recently moved to Essex, and because of that move she had been unable to access the internet and their email exchanges had stopped for several days. “But on finding that souvenir program, which in retrospect was a one in a million chance, I was able to continue the email exchange with the words “I have not forgotten about you” followed by a description of the program from Kathy’s home town,” remembers Larry.
Little did Larry know at the time that those words were just what Kathy needed to hear. “Prior to receiving that email, I was not sure that he was really interested. That comment was just what I needed to reassure me of Larry’s interest. It was the beginning of us turning from strangers into friends and prompted us to feel comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers,” says Kathy.
On July 3rd, they had their first phone conversation. It lasted over and hour and a half and they finished their conversation by praying the Rosary together. This became a daily habit and they continued to talk and pray the Rosary together until July 16th when they met in person at an 8:30 A.M. Mass at Kathy’s church. “I chose to get up at 2 A.M. and leave by 3 A.M. in order to avoid heavy commuter traffic traveling the two hundred miles through three states to make that rendezvous,” recalls Larry.
First Date
After Mass, they went back to Larry’s car where he had a bouquet of red roses for Kathy. From the church’s parking lot, Kathy drove them over to the Essex Marina where they took a ferry across the Connecticut River to a small island to have brunch at an outdoor restaurant at the marina. Since they were at the marina and it was such a mild day, they strolled around the docks holding hands. “The dialogue seemed to flow naturally and the chemistry seemed nothing short of perfect,” says Larry.
When they finished their lunch, they went over to Kathy’s condo that she had purchased a month earlier. Because she had not fully moved in yet, she didn't invite Larry into her home. Instead, she took him on a tour of the grassy area behind her condo next to the beautiful Connecticut River. The couple settled down on a park bench and continued their conversation. Larry felt such a connection with Kathy, he kissed her.
She was surprised, but then she smiled.
When it was time for Larry to start the long drive home, he asked Kathy if he could see her again the following week. She agreed and so began Larry’s trips to see her every weekend.
Relationship
Each weekend, Kathy had an agenda of activities for them to do together. Those activities ranged from walks along a park trail, to plays, to museums and, Larry’s favorite, a kayak ride for two on the Connecticut River. “With each passing week the chemistry got better and better,” recalls the couple.
They also continued to keep their faith at the center of their relationship. Whether they were together in Essex or Larry was back in Lavallette, NJ, they always prayed the rosary in the evening. When they were together in Essex, they also attended morning Mass. “We both felt that the Virgin Mary was guiding us on a course that would lead us to be united in marriage although we never really spoke of marriage,” says Larry.
Even though they were happy together and having a lot of fun in their relationship, there
were impediments to getting together. The main one was the 200 mile distance between their homes. “Because Essex, Connecticut is such a vibrant town, attracting thousands of people to it and neighboring Connecticut River Valley towns, it was hard to get a place for me to stay every weekend. More than once, I had to switch from one lodging place to another over the course of the weekends because hotels would be booked out,” remembers Larry.
During one of their weekends together, Kathy asked Larry to take a thirty-six question survey that she had found on the CatholicMatch forums. “The purpose of the survey was for each partner to respond to very personal questions to show that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. Perhaps nothing more than answering these questions was what sealed our fate and turned a friendship into the beginning of love,” says Larry.
They also count Matthew Kelly’s CD, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy,” as important in their relationship. Larry says it was important for them to understand, as Kelly said, that “love is not based on understanding; love is based on acceptance.” Since they had a previous marriage (Kathy’s first marriage was annulled prior to meeting Larry), this concept was critical to their relationship. “There was a lot that had to be accepted and we both agreed that we would hold to this critical tenet of Matthew Kelly,” says Kathy. “Coupled with the Virgin Mary’s lead in keeping religion a critical part of our relationship, Matthew Kelly’s seven levels of intimacy kept us on track,” adds Larry.
Engagement and Marriage
Although they had only been dating for a little over five weeks, Larry knew that Kathy was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. On August 21, while sitting on Kathy’s couch in her living room, Larry said, “Kathy, I love you and I can no longer live without you. Will you marry me?”
Kathy says she was in shock at Larry’s proposal. “It was unexpected and it was not what could be called a very romantic setting. But I said ‘Yes,’” exclaims Kathy.
In planning their wedding, they looked at the calendar for Marian feast days and they decided on the Feast of the Holy Rosary, October 7th. This was fitting because they both had a devotion to the Rosary and they felt like Mary had played such a big role in their relationship.
On October 7, 2015, Larry and Kathy were married in a simple ceremony at Kathy’s church with only close friends and family in attendance. During the ceremony, they added a crucifix blessing of the rings, using a crucifix that had been in Kathy’s family for decades. “It was a beautiful addition to the usual wedding ceremony,” says the couple.
Larry and Kathy say that many of their close friends and relatives told them that they were rushing things, as they had only known each other for a short period prior to getting engaged and then married. “As both of us were in our 60s, we did not need a long courtship. Mary was leading us every step of the way,” says Larry. The couple hopes that their story will encourage other CatholicMatch members not to be afraid to take a risk and to be proactive.
“There are wonderful people who register on CatholicMatch. All you have to do is start by saying ‘Hello,’” adds Kathy.
