4 Ways to Turn Holiday Dread Into A Positive Experience

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is trying to get through the holidays gracefully. For some, it's the first holiday season being divorced and part of the succession of "firsts" they must go through (first holiday season being divorced, first birthday being divorced, first anniversary being divorced, etc.). Many divorced mothers and fathers have to go without having their children with them during the holidays, which can make an already sad and depressing time feel even more sad and depressing.

As the start of the 2017 holiday season approaches, you may be one of those people who is finding it difficult to be in a celebratory mood because you don't really feel like celebrating anything at all. Got it.

No worries, though, because this reaction is quite normal. I've walked in your shoes and have experienced the challenges, mistakes, and triumphs that come with this territory. If there is any way I can help you have a better-than-expected holiday season this year, I will give it my all. That is why I'd like to offer you a few suggestions that might help you get through the holidays gracefully and help to bring some balance back into your life, as well as restore a sense of peace, hopefulness, and gratitude:

1.     Focus On Your Future

It is easy to get caught up in the pain of today and lose the hopefulness that tomorrow can bring. While you can’t change the past, you can certainly shape your future.

Try grabbing a notebook or a piece of paper and writing down the following column headings: Tomorrow, Next Year, Three Years From Now, Five Years From Now. In each column, write down how you want your life to be at that point in time, and this should include your goals, dreams, aspirations, etc. Be as detailed as you would like. The key is to try and look beyond today’s hardship.

2.     Offset Negative Changes with Positive Changes

Make a list of all the things in your life you would like to change. It could be the obvious things like your weight, your hairstyle, or your income. Or, it could be the more subtle things like developing a new skill, being more consistent in a particular area, taking on a new activity you’ve been meaning to do, or breaking a bad habit. Pick the one thing that you can commit to doing and start doing it, everyday.

3.     Focus On Someone Who Is In Need

It's easy to allow yourself to be consumed by the negativity when something bad happens to you. When you shift your focus away from your challenges and onto others and their needs, you gain a better, more rounded perspective. Helping others in need not only makes you feel better and makes the world a better place, it helps you understand that you are not alone in your suffering—that there are other people suffering badly too.

Try doing random acts of kindness for someone you know who is in need, or volunteer to do charity work at your church. Sometimes, the smallest acts of kindness can have the biggest impact on restoring your sense of hope.

4.     Pray!

What physical exercise does for the body, prayer does for the soul. It fortifies you spiritually and enables you to meet the challenges of each day with a positive attitude and with a sense of hope. It acts as a “spiritual immune system” allowing you to fight off depression, anger, and loneliness.

And just as people who exercise regularly are more in-tune with their bodies, people who pray regularly are more in-tune to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Whatever form of prayer you choose, such as rote prayer, spontaneous prayer, reflecting on the gospel reading or even just talking to Him about what you’re feeling, make prayer a part of your day.

Divorce can bring a tremendous amount of suffering and uncertainty and all that compounds the sadness and frustration you can feel around the holidays. It is during these times that it can feel like you were dropped in a foreign land with no map and completely in the dark.

But, scripture repeatedly reassures us that God will never abandon us, and that He has a tremendous plan for us. Try to trust in that for it is through that trust that a sense of hopefulness will return. While you may not have a clue as to what God has planned for you in the future, you can rest assured that it is going to be better then what you imagine.