They Found Their Differences to Be an Asset

How on earth are you going to find a good guy when you work the nightshift?

Sarah, a nurse, felt ready for marriage, but her inconvenient work schedule was getting in the way of dating.  She felt pulled towards CatholicMatch because she was looking for someone who shared her Catholic values. At the same time, Sarah also had some reservations about online dating.

"I thought online dating was a form of 'giving up' in the dating world," shares the 29-year-old.  

Even so, she finally decided to take a closer look at CatholicMatch. "As soon as I put in my location on the website, a list came up of male members who shared my values and lived nearby," she says.

The second person down the list was Martin. Intrigued by him, Sarah became a member just to view his profile. 
"After joining, I realized how vital Catholic online dating is in today's world because it shows that there are good Catholic men out there," she explains.

Looking for compatibility

Martin joined CatholicMatch because his job as a field engineer involved travel. "I wound up in Ohio for three years on one particular construction project and thought CatholicMatch would be a good way to meet people in an unfamiliar place," shares the 32-year-old. "Often, it is difficult enough to find someone who shares Catholic values.  It makes sense to be a part of an online community to meet someone compatible and with Catholic convictions."

A red flip phone breaks the ice

Sarah joined to look at Martin's profile. However, she didn't contact him because she felt hesitant to make the first move.

"Luckily, Martin contacted me right after he saw I viewed his profile!" she recalls. 

They talked for about three weeks before deciding to meet in person. Martin chose an Italian restaurant for their first date.  He noticed the waitress bringing Sarah to his table and walked over to her. As they were sitting down in the booth and saying awkward hellos to each other, Sarah placed her red flip phone on the table.  Seeing the red phone made Martin chuckle.

"I thought he laughing at me because I still use a flip phone (a reaction I would get often). He pulled out his phone, which ended up being the exact same red flip phone as mine," Sarah remembers. "After that moment, the awkwardness went away and the rest was history!"

They made a good team

Sarah and Martin found strength in their differences. When Sarah first met Martin, she felt drawn to his quiet, gentle, and contemplative way of looking at the world. His way contrasted her carefree quick-to-act attitude. Martin felt attracted to Sarah because of her confidence and quick decision-making abilities. He also liked how she remained calm even under pressure.

"Soon after we got to know each other, I realized how uncanny our values and lifestyle were in similarity, but how exact opposite our personalities were," she shares. "My strengths are Martin's weaknesses, and my weaknesses are his strengths. Because of that, we make a pretty good team!"

They bonded because of their similar values and because they both lived simply. They also felt called to do mission work, which would later play a big role in their marriage. 

Martin has to move

A year after meeting Sarah, Martin's construction job building a hospital ended and he had to return to Massachusetts. Along with his move, Sarah began graduate school to become a certified nurse-midwife. These two factors could have ended the relationship.

"However, I think that the first year of our relationship—when we lived closer together and could see each other more frequently—had strengthened both our convictions that we had something worth facing challenges for," he explains.

Sarah adds, "Having a long-distance relationship helped strengthen our relationship into the marriage we have today."

She continues, "When making decisions as an engineer, Martin is slow and careful—evaluating things and taking into consideration every option. Whereas now, as a nurse-midwife, I quickly look at the options and situation and make the best decision I can in that moment. If it had not been for the challenges the long-distance relationship presented to us, I don't know if we would have been able to make it past our polar opposite personalities!"

Romantic engagement story

While watching the son set over the hills of West Virginia, Martin asked Sarah to marry him. On the ring, he had inscribed in Hebrew a Psalm. Translated into English, it read: "I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine." He also gave her an engagement gift.

"It was crucifix he had carved for me depicting Mary taking down Jesus from the cross," she shares. "I may be biased, but I think it's one of the most romantic engagement stories I have heard!"

Three years after meeting on CatholicMatch, on December 2, 2017, they were married at St. Patrick Church in Columbus, Ohio. 
I was telling everyone before our wedding how I was almost surely going to cry during the wedding Mass—especially during our vows," she recalls. "However, right as I locked eyes with Martin as I was walking down the aisle to him, a peace washed over me and lasted throughout the Mass and wedding vows."

Sarah didn't cry, but she says she still gets choked up when she recalls when they recited the vows and placed roses at Mary's feet.

"I can't describe the feeling that washed over me that day, but I love revisiting those memories!"

Volunteering during the honeymoon period

Sarah and Martin were married only five months before they volunteered with the Catholic Medical Mission Board (CMMB) to go to South Sudan. She put her nurse midwife skills to use to help poor mothers in Sudan, and Martin used his engineering expertise.

"We were still in the 'honeymoon phase' of our marriage, and we were at the beginnings of working out the challenges of learning to live together," she shares. "Living in South Sudan, I believe, was a pivotal point in our marriage."

The couple experienced water shortage problems and the heartbreaking reality of working in an extremely impoverished area scarred by years of war. They share that volunteering with CMMB forced them to confront their shortcomings. It also gave them a catalyst to improve themselves as a couple. 

Martin says the experience showed him that marriage isn't about splitting things 50/50 and dividing up responsibilities equally. "You have to give yourself entirely.  Sometimes one of us was having a tough day and had to be lifted up by the other.  You can't be resentful when you have to help your spouse shoulder the burden, nor can you feel ashamed when she steps in to shoulder yours."

On July 19, 2019, Sarah gave birth to a son whom they named Max. They were able to return to South Sudan in March 2020, but because of border closures due to COVID-19, they had to return to Connecticut. They hope to return to Sudan in the winter.