Dating in Los Angeles is not easy. So thought Brenda Lopez (31 at the time). She was a successful accountant in the city and was finding it very hard to find someone who was like-minded and faith-based.
“In my 20s I dated some individuals who didn’t share the faith, and I myself wasn’t taking it as seriously,” remembers Brenda. “But as I took it more seriously and lived it out, it became a non-negotiable for me. As you get older you start to realize that the biological clock is ticking too and don’t want to waste your time!”
Lucky for her, Rich Loesing wasn’t about to waste that precious time. He’d moved to LA in 2009 from Cincinnati for law school. After growing up in a big, culturally Catholic German family in Ohio, the difference in the cities made him realize, “I had to double down on my faith.” So, he got involved in a local parish in LA and grew deeper in his faith.
However, he admits laughingly, “I was the consummate bachelor for a while, enjoyed having a good time in LA, but realized in my early 30s I needed to settle down and date with more intention since I had always wanted a family and children and wanted it to be based on the Catholic faith.”
The other apps weren't cutting it.
So, he tried some secular dating apps, “And I would filter by Christian or Catholic, but wasn’t meeting people who were actually practicing their faith,” he recalls. “So I’d try apps for two weeks, and try again, and get off, because it's true in LA especially that dating is so casual. By nature of app culture, nobody is looking for anything serious, which feeds into hookup culture.”
So, he turned to CatholicMatch because the Catholic faith was non-negotiable for him. He messaged a few women but they didn’t really click.
Well, they weren’t on the site long! “In the first 3 months, Rich messaged me,” Brenda says. “I know some friends that have been on [the site] longer; for me, it happened really quickly!” It was her very first time trying online dating, and what she loved about the site was the list of core beliefs of the Church to see whether she and the other person matched up.
In June 2019, they messaged for one or two weeks before deciding to meet up.
“It was very quick!” says Brenda. “He basically messaged: ‘Found your profile interesting’ and ‘wanna meet up?’ and I said ‘Yes!’”
She wondered from his profile though if their personalities would be too different. “I thought,” laughs Brenda, “Wow, he’s an extremely extroverted dude! I wonder if he’s going to be too much for me?”
And, Rich still teases her about her profile! “Because it said ‘Brenda, 30’,” he smiles. “And the very next line said: ‘I’m actually 31! I don’t know how to change it!’”
They hit off over coffee.
So, a couple of weeks later, on June 19th, 2019, they met up at a coffee shop for both of their first CatholicMatch dates! Rich arrived first and went to the restroom. “And when I went to wait for her at the table, she was buying her own coffee at the counter!” he exclaims.
“It was my first online dating experience ever,” says Brenda. “For the most part, people were very respectful. But, I bought my own coffee just to be sure!”
Their first date was: “Full of surprises and getting-to-know-each-other conversation. Faith was a big point of our discussion,” says the couple. Brenda’s impression was: “I thought of him as a thinker; he brought up philosophy and theology in a fun way, and I was impressed by his way of thinking.”
And Rich says, “Her stunning good looks got me first! Those big brown eyes! And her devotion came across clearly and profoundly. Her taking the faith seriously was very attractive to me. Plus she’s a rockstar accountant too!”
Their second date took a different turn! “She makes fun of me for it still,” smiles Rich.
“We went to lunch,” says Brenda, “And he brought up topics that were just weird! Like aliens!”
And if that weren’t enough, “After lunch, I brought her to my place and showed her a chest filled with all my costumes for parties,” laughs Rich. “I thought, if she doesn't run away, she might be the one!!”
She didn’t run, and Rich started saving for a wedding ring two months after meeting her.
Brenda thinks she’s, “Similar to lots of women, for me the decision of “yes” was more gradual, growing in confidence that this was a person I could see myself with for the rest of my life. But there wasn’t any point that there were red flags.”
On exactly their one-year anniversary, June 19th, 2020, Rich asked, “Wanna go to confession before dinner?” When he secretly had big plans for the day! He’d prepared at St. Monica with his parish-administrator buddy and set up everything in the church beautifully with flowers and candles.
So after confession, he oh-so-casually mentioned, “Should we see if the church is open?”
Rich laughs, “There were music, candles, and flowers all set up. I took her all the way up until we were standing on the altar, and she had NO CLUE what was going on!”
“I was just thinking, ‘“Wow, this is a REALLY NICE one-year anniversary!” laughs Brenda. “I was completely oblivious until he went down on one knee.”
Afterward, on their way to dinner, they stopped at her parents’ house. “And as she’s walking into the backyard,” says Rich, “She said ‘I just wish I could have met more of your family before we got engaged.”
Her engagement wish came true!
And her wish came true right away! His whole family was there, flown in from Ohio, and they had a nice outdoor dinner where the families “made the language barrier work.”
Brenda is a first-generation Mexican-American, and Rich is a second-generation German American. But according to Rich, “There wasn’t much culture clash, because there are so many similarities, like being from big families, wanting kids, and so aligned in so many ways, that the little things fell into place, or we knew we could figure it out along the way. Plus,” he says, “I’ve fallen in love with Mexican cuisine!”
“For me,” says Rich, “The cultural language barrier was tough, like when her parents or family have discussions in Spanish. Plus, I’m so extroverted and always the loudest, biggest personality in the room that I got the reminder to adjust to not always be so loud!”
Brenda also inspired him to be more career-focused. “She’s a rockstar accountant, very career driven and focused,” says Rich, “And I’m more socially and passion-driven than career driven, so her social network has grown tremendously since we started dating.”
“We also have different spending habits,” says Brenda. “Different ways that we viewed and entered into debt. His student loans did kinda freak me out!” But the couple has successfully been “working through it, and started budgeting so we can achieve our goals.”
Her family got to see his true colors!
One of the couple’s favorite memories was their last summer weight loss challenge. Rich, Brenda, and a few relatives made a wager that whoever lost the highest percent would get the pot. “I’m fiercely competitive,” says Rich, “so I won the money. And then I decided to treat everyone to a very authentic Mexican meal: A seven-course taco bell meal! I wore a bow tie, cut up the food to make it fancy. . . I think that’s when her family realized I was an odd bird!”
“Yes,” smiles Brenda. “They really got to see your true colors that day!”
On November 20th, 2021, the couple traveled with their closest family and friends to Guanajuato, Mexico to celebrate their big day.
“Leading up to it was stressful,” remembers Brenda. “Because it was really difficult to deal with the church from a distance and they were very protective of letting us use the church for the wedding. It was a beautiful church next to a gold mine that was 300 or 400 years old. So there were some paperwork difficulties.”
“We visited in the Spring to check out the city,” says Rich. “And she has some family in Guanajuato, which is a little Spanish town with cobblestone streets, very picturesque. It was much less expensive than the same wedding would have been in LA.”
But once they got there, the day, “Went really flawlessly. I felt so present in the Mass and the sacrament. It was really beautiful,” remembers Brenda.
“It was so fun having all my family fly in from the midwest, and her family from California!” says Rich.
“Because it was a destination wedding, everyone was in let’s-have-fun-mode,” says Brenda. “So it was just a blast. We literally BROKE the dance floor!”
For Rich, “I’ve always dreamed of this day. Seeing everyone celebrating together, the families dancing together, the speeches were incredible, and there were people from all over the world. It was such a joyful day!”
Pope Francis got to know about their baby first!
Since the wedding day, “It's been a whirlwind!” says Rich. For their honeymoon, they went to the Vatican.
“If you visit within two months of being married you sit in the newlywed section,” says Rich. “And we already knew we were pregnant at that point! The very first person we told that we were pregnant was Pope Francis!"
“From an everyday perspective, joining our lives has been super enjoyable for me!” smiles Brenda. “Having him around all the time is so fun!”
The couple lives in Long Beach, California, and bought a home last year. She is an accountant working remotely, and he is practicing law and figuring out paternity and maternity leave for when their baby will be born!
And what would these lovebirds advise daters out there?
Brenda says, “Knowing what your non-negotiables are helps you to filter out what won’t work. In my case, it was faith. That’s what’s great about knowing exactly what you want and being patient, and knowing nobody’s perfect.”
According to Rich, “Dating with intention is so important. Know what your end goal is and communicate that. SO many people are just looking to have fun. Once you start thinking of the end as marriage, that changes! Make sure your values align because if you’re spending the rest of your life with someone you need to make sure the most important things to you are shared with your spouse.”
“We’re so grateful for Catholic Match. It provides such a great way to meet good people and start good marriages and families,” says Rich. “Thank you so much for providing the opportunity for faithful Catholics to meet one another. It truly changed both of our lives in the most beautiful way possible.”
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