Monica admits she dated the wrong men for 17 years before she gave herself a reality check.
That's when she met Chris on CatholicMatch!
"A large [part of the problem] was because I did not know what I wanted, and I wasn't specific about the man that was best suited for me, " Monica, 38, explains about her dating history. "I chose men who did not fit my personality type and did not value me. With time, I realized that I needed to prioritize what I was looking for and how to find him. "
One boyfriend, in particular, looked like a good catch but acted controlling and didn't appreciate the real Monica. This dating relationship turned physically abusive. Luckily, Monica eventually left the relationship, and she learned to trust her intuition. Recently, she wrote an ebook, Toxic to Soulmate Love: A Navigational Guide for Christian Women (2020), to show women how to recognize quality men who will treat women well.
The author and dating coach joined CatholicMatch to find a good man. "I went on a few dates on CatholicMatch, but I mostly waited to find my right match because I didn't want to settle," she shares. "Online dating allowed me to meet my husband. We would never have met otherwise because he lived in Wisconsin, and I lived in Chicago."
Chris and Monica said "I do" on July 18, 2015. The couple, who have two children together and another one on the way, offer a glimpse into how they fell in love and their married life.
Q: What attracted each of you to the other at first?
• Monica: I thought Chris looked handsome, so I sent him an emoticon to start a conversation. Now that we have been married for almost five years, I appreciate how unconditionally he loves—demonstrated through how kind and patient Chris reacts even in the most difficult of situations. He has strong virtues like humility, prudence, and fortitude, which shine every day in our marriage.
• Chris: I felt attracted to Monica's testimony of her faith—the reason I chose to try CatholicMatch—as well as her profile and pictures. Now I appreciate our continued growth in our shared faith, as truly two people becoming one through the Sacrament of Marriage.
Q: When you met in person for the first time, was it love at first sight?
• Monica: When he walked into the coffee shop, "His smile lit up the room. His thick, dark hair swept over his head and his tall, strong structure wavered over the cafe. He walked over to me, smiled politely, and introduced himself. My heart melted." [Monica excerpted this from her book]
• Chris: Our first date was the kind out of a storybook. We had been messaging each other for a month or two, getting to know some basics. Anticipation was building as everything was feeling good about meeting for a "first date".
I took the train down from Wisconsin to meet Monica in downtown Chicago right before Christmas. The city was all decorated, providing a perfect backdrop. We met in the morning at a coffee shop and then walked around the huge city feeling like it was ours (as we had just met, so we were somewhat oblivious to the surroundings). She took me to her favorite Italian restaurant for a late lunch as we continued to get to know each other. We visited the Christkind market, and on our way back to the train at the end of the date, we watched ice skaters in a plaza with Frank Sinatra playing in the background. Monica walked me back to the train and kissed me on the cheek. This is how I knew there would be a second date.
Q: In the course of your relationship, what obstacles or challenges did you have to overcome?
• Monica: One challenge we faced was living apart from each other when we were dating. Chris lived in Racine, Wisconsin, and I lived in Chicago, Illinois. However, we felt committed to making the relationship work, so we would take turns visiting each other on the weekends.
• Chris: I was a bit older—38 when we met—and had been single for a while. Sharing a life with another person and adapting through the big changes challenged me, but it was also the most rewarding part. Each obstacle became a new accomplishment and proof of what we could do together as part of the "two become one".
Q: How long did you communicate via CatholicMatch before meeting in person?
• Monica: We talked for two months before meeting face-to-face.
Q: What led you to CatholicMatch?
• Monica: We are both devout Catholics. We wanted to marry a Catholic with the same values to build a foundation for our marriage. We pray together every day and try to keep Jesus in the center of our marriage as much as possible.
• Chris: I needed a partner that shared my faith. I had briefly tried some other dating sites and gone on a few dates, but something was still missing. I gave CatholicMatch a try because it's based on the Catholic faith.
Q: What was your engagement like?
• Monica: Our engagement was 11 months long. I moved from Chicago to an apartment in Racine. It was exciting to become acquainted with Racine while planning for our wedding.
Q: What were the most memorable moments of your wedding?
• Monica: The highlight of our day was when we exchanged vows during the ceremony, and it became official. It was a surreal moment because I had dated for so many years, and I finally met my soulmate. In this moment, the dream for my life had been fulfilled because I had met my most perfect partner.
• Chris: Our wedding ceremony was the highlight as everyone attending was there for us and celebrating the sacrament. It rained briefly during the ceremony but cleared up in time for pictures and the reception. For my side of the family, it was a bit of a destination wedding (in Michigan), and most everyone was able to attend. We have picture canvases of the ceremony hanging in our living room.
Q: How has married life been treating you so far?
• Monica: Chris and I are a great team. Our life has been an adventure! We moved houses right after we got married and moved into a Victorian house that we are renovating. We have a son, Danny, 3, and a daughter named Veronica, age 2. There has been a great deal of change, which has been challenging at times, but with change comes great improvements and opportunities. I learned that suffering together is part of marriage. The trying times were also when I was given the opportunity to see what my husband was truly made of. These adventures have made our marriage stronger and our love purer. We are married joyfully and living our best lives together. Life is better than I could have ever imagined with my growing family including our baby on the way.
• Chris: Since our wedding, in a relatively short time, we've bought a house together— including a major renovation—had our first two kids, changed jobs, and suffered together through some family hardships. Thankfully God has guided us through everything and continually makes us stronger together, truly making us each other's partners. We've also stopped along the way to celebrate our accomplishments, including a family vacation to Hawaii, where we also spent our honeymoon.
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