When Stacey Jackson was a little girl, she dreamed of being a sister one day. She says, “I fell in love with St. Therese of Lisieux when I read The Story of A Soul and I wanted to be a Carmelite. I had a whole picture book of her on my coffee table at home that my mom had bought. I memorized every picture.” But as Stacey got older, the strong desire to become a nun was replaced by the love of musical theater. She pursued a degree in musical theater and did almost back to back national tours in the Wizard of Oz and Beauty and the Beast. Although the experience was incredible, it was extremely lonely as well. She says, “That’s when it really came apparent to me that who you spend your time with is so important. I loved the cast, but I was very lonely. I came back to NY and I didn’t know what to do. I was taking theater classes, but lost the will to audition. I started going to mass every day. And then eventually going to mass every day became more important than auditioning.”
Discerning a Religious Vocation
When Stacey lost the desire to audition, she began questioning what she wanted to do with her life. Though she had been certain for so many years, now she felt embarrassed because she no longer knew what she wanted. She moved to a lay community in Long Island where she was approached by Lifetime to do a show called The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns. The reality show followed the six-week discernment process of five girls visiting different convents across the country. Stacey agreed to do the show, but was concerned about discerning a vocation for the first time in this unconventional way. Before the show began, she decided to go visit the Little Sisters of the Poor in Queens, NY for a vocational discernment retreat. She said, “I was thinking maybe I’ll get my answer and I’m not called to be a nun. And I went and I actually really liked it.”
Soon after she returned from her retreat with the Little Sisters of the Poor, taping for The Sisterhood began. They filmed for twelve hours a day, from nine in the morning till nine in the evening. Stacey says, “A lot of people have asked me if it was a genuine experience and I can’t speak for all five young women, but for me it was a really genuine experience.” Her favorite time of the day was when the camera was not rolling. They began the day at six in the morning with a holy hour, followed by mass and breakfast with the sisters. She says, “It was the glue that held everything together because getting that quiet time with the Lord and really getting to put all of our worries, and all of our discernment, and all of our stresses about the show and everything on Him was beautiful and so needed.”
Although she left the show convinced that she had a vocation to the religious life, Stacey learned an important dating lesson during her time with the sisters. She says, “I experienced some of the best prayer and the deepest prayer than I’ve ever had in my life. I had a visual prayer experience where Christ gave me His heart and asked me for mine in return. And that just completely changed my prayer life. I really started to understand for the first time how no dating relationship can truly fulfill you. And how Christ is the only one that can truly hold your heart and really understand everything about you.”
A Call to Marriage
That lesson became important because after she returned to her daily routine, she became unsure of her vocation. She says, “It was really confusing. It was like the tables turning again. I started to feel a real peace and a real desire to be a wife and a mother. So several months after the show finished filming, I said to God, “Alright, I’m going to give you one more month.’ I don’t know if you are supposed to do that with God, but I did.” So when she still felt called to be a wife and mother after that month, she decided to be open to dating.
She attended a FOCUS conference in Nashville. She went by the CatholicMatch booth where she talked about her discernment and dating. She felt encouraged, but she didn’t actually sign up until a friend of hers that made a free profile showed her how easy it was to sign up. She says, “I made a free profile and started getting messages, so I thought ‘OK I’ll give this a try.’ I signed up for a six month subscription.”
Little did Stacey know then that she would soon meet John, someone who had more in common with her than she could possibly imagine. John had also seriously discerned a religious vocation. He says, “I started getting into spirituality in high school when I read St. Augustine’s Confessions. I was really inspired with the desire to give myself to God completely. The next book I picked up was Thomas Merton’s The Silent Life which explores different branches of monasticism. The chapter that interested me most was the Carthusians because they seemed the most pure and complete self-gift to God.” Although John knew then in high school that he wanted to discern with the Carthusians, he knew they had a strict acceptance policy for their vocational retreats. The Carthusians require a bachelor’s degree, and at least a two month discernment commitment. Two days after he received his college degree, John went up to Arlington, VT to spend two months with the Carthusians.
Discernment wasn’t easy. John says, “Throughout college I had been visiting other monasteries for short periods of time, just to get a taste of different orders, but the whole time my sights were set on the Carthusians. I spent two months there and it was a continuous process of discernment every day, many times a day, going back and forth wondering.” When John returned home, he still wasn’t sure what he was called to do so he worked a few part time jobs. Shortly after that his grandpa died, leaving behind his grandma who was not well. His family asked him to go take care of his grandmother. What they all thought would be two weeks turned into a year and a half.
Signing up for CatholicMatch
During that time, John spoke with his spiritual director who helped him come to the conclusion that it was time for him to try dating. John was with his grandma all day so there was not much opportunity for meeting people in person. He says, “I saw an ad in the church bulletin for CatholicMatch and I thought ‘Let’s give it a try.’” Within two days, he got a message from Stacey.
Stacey searched for men that were within a 150 mile radius from her. If John had been at home instead of at his grandmother’s house, he would have fallen outside the search criteria and they never would have met. When Stacey ran across John’s profile, she was taken by the cute artist who in addition to a real picture had also included a self-portrait that he painted. She sent him a smiley face emoji, but soon after became overwhelmed with online dating and didn’t sign in for three weeks.
Over those three weeks, John sent Stacey three messages. John recalls, “It was a great experience because she kind of reached out to me first of all and I was like ‘Wow that’s a beautiful woman, I would love to meet her.’ So I sent her a message back and I didn’t get a response for a while and I was thinking ‘Oh, no.’ There were other girls I was talking to a little bit, but Stacey seemed like a special person and I really wanted to meet her so it was actually great for me to be frustrated a little at first and offer it up to God over and over again.” Stacey says, “I kept getting all these emails like John has sent you a message. But I didn’t know which John it was. There are a lot of Johns on CatholicMatch and I was just overwhelmed. But I’m so glad I logged back on and responded to John.”
When she finally signed back in and saw the messages, she says, “I was so embarrassed to have left him hanging for so long and messaged him right back arranging to meet.”
When they met, John was a half hour late but thankfully there were no hard feelings. They ate a picnic lunch, climbed a tree, walked five miles, drank red wine, ate Thai food, and visited the beach where John sketched Stacey in pastels. They ended the date with mass in the evening. Over the course of the day, they discovered that they both discerned religious life and rode unicycles.
Dating Long Distance
As they continued their relationship, John had no problem dating long distance. He says, “It was a lot of driving, but the driving was a joy because I was thinking about Stacey the whole time. It was good to have some time away from each other, especially early on when we would start to have serious discussions. By our second date, if not our first, we were talking very seriously about a lot of things. It was great to have a lot of time to think about that and pray about it, instead of being constantly exposed to each other. For me it was good.”
Stacey never liked dating long distance, but with John it was different. She says, “With John, there was this peace that I couldn’t really describe. That was different than any other relationship that I had ever had. So that was a very beautiful thing. Long distance is kind of a blessing in a way because it gave us an opportunity to reflect on what had happened.” While they were apart, they still kept in touch. Stacey says, “John writes a lot of poetry and I like writing letters so we actually have these long chain of love letters that we have written to each other during the time we were apart. I can look back and remember the moments as they happened and also have the spaces in between.”
As the summer progressed, their relationship deepened. Even though they only knew each other two months, then dated for three months, John knew Stacey was the one. The weekend that John came down to visit Stacey’s family in VA, he knew he had a question for her dad. Stacey says, “I saw John and my Dad talking on the porch. I turned around and just stared open-mouthed at my little sister, who knew what was happening. She had no words. She just emitted a high-pitched squeal. A few moments later, John and Dad came back in and John gave me a hug. He was shaking like a leaf. I pretended I had no idea what had just transpired between them, and said something trivial about macaroni salad in the fridge.”
Proposal
The next weekend Stacey went up to visit John in State College, PA. They went to evening mass where Stacey spotted a box in John’s pocket. After mass, they went to visit the new chapel where there was a crucifix that John thought Stacey would like. Stacey knew what was coming and was overwhelmed with emotion. John knelt down saying, “I want to share all my sufferings with you. I want to share my joys with you. I want to share my whole life with you." Stacey managed a “Yes” through her sobs of joy. John slipped on a beautiful white gold and diamond engagement ring that fit perfectly even though he had to guess at the sizing.
Their wedding is planned for June 17th, the sixty-sixth wedding anniversary of Stacey’s grandparents.
Both Stacey and John believe that their discernment to the religious life ultimately helped them in their discernment of marriage. Stacey says, “I think the reason we were able to come together so quickly was because we had both discerned and really given our futures to God. I think we were able to hear and He communicated so clearly and quickly that this is it. I think that even if you’re not called to religious life, I would recommend discernment to everybody. Whatever happens, no matter if you are called to religious life, you’re still going to learn so much about yourself.”
Trusting God When You're Single
Stacey and John know how hard it is to trust God when you are single. Stacey says, “Thinking back to when I was single, I just had this fear that things weren’t going to work out, that I was going to miss the boat, that He wasn’t really out there, that I wasn’t following God’s will. And looking back I can just see how beautifully God was unfolding things.” John says, “I just feel so deeply that when you truly offer God as much as you can, and it’s hard and you can never do it completely, but continue to try and offer Him as much as you can, including your future, and all that you think is yours. And He will fill you, in this world and the world to come, with so much more than you can imagine. That’s been the case with me. Just the way things lined up it was so beautiful and overwhelming to me. And it’s been an incredible journey.”
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