Knowing She Couldn't Have Babies, It Was Difficult for Sara to Date

For fear of rejection, Sara spent a lot of time imagining the ideal husband rather than being pro-active. She would see CatholicMatch ads in her weekly parish bulletin—and she knew friends from Franciscan University who used the service—but she never considered online dating for herself until her mom suggested it to her. “Taking my mother's encouragement to prayer and adoration, I realized that Satan was playing on my fears. I could either keep dreaming of the perfect husband that didn't exist or do something that might help cultivate a real relationship,” explains Sara, 32. At the very least, I felt it would be good to put myself out there and make connections, and maybe learn more about what I wanted from a relationship.”

Filling out the profile questions caused her to reflect on what qualities she wanted in a husband. One thing was certain; a potential spouse would have to be accepting of her situation and be willing to adopt. Since the time Sara was young, she knew that she would never be able to conceive a child because she had Turner's Syndrome.

Waiting

In her first weeks of being on CatholicMatch, not much happened, but then she made a few friends and went on a few coffee dates. “One of those ended up in a brief dating relationship of two months.”

She felt that being on CatholicMatch was a good growing experience, but she prayerfully decided not to renew her subscription and give God a chance to move.

Auto-renew changed her life

“And move He did! Apparently, I forgot to un-check the auto-renew button. I received confirmation of the renewal and decided to let it go,” she remembers. “With less than a month left to go on my subscription, I logged in on a whim. I had been matched with Tom, and his profile made me smile.”

Sara liked that Tom was a fan of Dr. Who, so she casually asked him what season he was watching and who his favorite Doctor was. “I was very excited when he wrote back.”

Sara’s message prompted Tom to get a full membership

Tom became intrigued by CatholicMatch after going on a friend's wedding website and seeing that his friend had met his wife-to-be on CatholicMatch.com. “I was thrilled at the thought that there could be an internet dating site for Christians that wouldn't be filled with hostility for Catholics. What convinced me that CatholicMatch would be a good decision was the various questions on faith. Knowing what the other person thinks regarding important and polarizing matters of faith is invaluable,”  explains the 29-year-old.

He set up a CatholicMatch profile but didn't pay for a membership until he received Sara’s message a few weeks later. “I found her to be interesting, and I wanted to see what she said, so I signed up for three months (to get the bulk discount) and started talking to Sara.”

Over the next month, they would spend hours conversing. “I loved that Tom had a unique perspective as a former seminarian,” she says.

He adds, “I thought she was pretty and nice, and she seemed interested in what I had to say, and she had interesting things to say herself. We initially bonded over Doctor Who and Avatar: The Last Airbender, although she hadn't seen all of the latter, which was a marvelous excuse to spend time together rectifying. We have a few other things we have in common, but we are also quite different people from each other, which I greatly prefer.”

Exclusive after three dates

Both Tom and Sara lived in Ohio, so they met up in downtown Cleveland for their first date—attending Mass at the local Cathedral and afterward going out for lunch. “It may seem weird that our first date began with Mass, but I loved that. I had relationships in the past where Christ was not the focus, and they sucked. I wanted to make sure to do my best to start this one out on the right foot—with Jesus,” Tom says.

They hit it off right away, spending three hours talking. “All sorts of topics came up, but one that meant the most to me was talking about our favorite saints,” he shares. “When the date was over we walked back to our cars, we hugged and said goodbye, and that we should go out again soon."

She adds, “Two or three dates later, he asked to be exclusive.”

Breaking the news

After a month of dating, Sara got up enough courage to tell Tom that she couldn't have children. "Deciding when to tell Tom was very hard. It's always been hard to decide when to share that information. I've had guys freak out on me before, so it's not fun," she says.

Sara and Tom were at her apartment having a deep conversation when she felt it was the right moment to tell him. "I remember he told me that he was glad I hadn't waited longer to tell him, but I could see it made him sad. He reassured me he didn't want to end the relationship."

Tom adds, “It was tough news for me. My heart dropped farther than when you know you're speeding and see a cop pull out behind you. I was so disappointed that no matter how perfectly our relationship would progress, no matter how deeply I would fall for this woman, no matter how badly either of us wanted it, we would never be able to get to see a tiny human running around who is literally the two of us combined.”

Despite his disappointment, Tom loved Sara too much to end the relationship. For him, it just meant that they would have to adopt. “Adoption always made sense to me as a thing that everybody who could afford it should, at the very least, seriously consider. My grandparents adopted my aunt after they had two sons, so my personal plan for kids has always been to have two or three children and if they're all girls or all boys, definitely adopt one of the other sex.”

At six months Tom asked Sara’s ring size

Since they lived an hour apart from each other, they would alternate the driving, and while a long distance relationship seemed difficult to at times, their relationship only grew stronger. “We went to Mass together, prayed together, and socialized with friends. After three or so months, we introduced each other to our parent. Both my family and friends loved him, and vice-versa. After five months, Tom asked me my ring size. After six months, it seemed clear that we both wanted marriage,” she explains.

Feast of St. Francis proposal

After 11 months of dating, Tom proposed. “Sara asked me if I'd like to go with her to Francis Fest, her alma mater's (Franciscan University of Steubenville) homecoming weekend, and my first thought was, ‘That's the perfect time to propose—‘craaap’ I need to get a ring.’”

Once he had formed a plan, Tom bought a ring and asked Sara’s father for her blessing. “Asking him was terrifying, even though he's super nice,” Tom chuckles.

He didn’t want Sara to know he was planning on proposing, so Tom tried to throw her off the scent— to do what he calls “maintaining a campaign of disinformation.” Anytime the topic of engagement came up in conversation; Tom would retort, "We haven't even been dating for a year."

On the drive to Francis Fest, Sara began to think that Tom was mad at her because he was so quiet. “In reality, I was rehearsing what I wanted to say in my head.” Tom was planning on proposing at the Portincula (aka, the Port), a replica of the chapel that St. Francis had built by hand, where there is perpetual Adoration.

“Before meeting up with her friends at Applebee’s, I insisted on stopping at the Port ‘to thank God for a safe journey’—I promised Sara long ago that I would never lie to her except to save her life or preserve a surprise,’ Tom says. “The Port was full, so after we prayed and stepped outside, I stopped Sara in the entrance. I said, ‘Sara, I love you very much, and I want to give to you and share with you all that I have and all that I am for the rest of my life,’ then I pulled out the ring and got on my knee.”

Upon hearing Tom’s proposal, Sara she fell to her knees and told Tom to hug her. “He said he wanted "to give me and share with me all that I have and all that I am for the rest of my life."

Hoping to adopt

Nine months later, on August 16, 2014, the couple was married at Sara’s home parish. “Now, over two years after our beautiful wedding, I'm thankful that God was able to use CatholicMatch us together,” she says.

Tom and Sara are hoping to continue with the adoption process this summer. “It has started and stopped a few times. I recently just changed jobs and joined a private practice (I’m a licensed counselor), so things have been a bit crazy right now, but we’re hoping to start by the summer,” she shares. “We’re going through Catholic Charities, and they are amazing and caring people. We also started a GoFundMe account to help with expenses.”