Suzanne started praying for Bill before she even knew him...
In the spring of 2013, Suzanne, 56, felt strongly impressed to pray for her future husband. She was divorced from her first husband of nearly 25 years and was hoping to find love again. “So I began to pray nightly for the intentions and needs of the man that God had planned for me,” she remembers. “I also knew that if He didn’t have marriage planned for me, those prayers would be used elsewhere to the glory of God.”
She could not have known that three states away at the exact same time, Bill, 61, was making the wrenching to decision to start hospice care for his first wife of nearly 30 years, Joanne, who was dying of brain cancer. Looking back, Bill attributes those very prayers to giving him the strength and grace to care for Joanne before she passed.
Flash forward two years, after his wife died, Bill realized he didn't want to be lonely.
Now a widower, Bill decided to give CatholicMatch a try. “I put myself ‘out there’ one year after my first wife died,” Bill says. He was on the site for about a year when he saw Suzanne’s profile. He was in Ohio, she was in Michigan.
She had been intermittently on CatholicMatch for a year and a half. “I saw Bill before I went off, and we exchanged a few messages at that time,” Suzanne remembers. When she signed back on in spring 2015, she and Bill resumed messaging.
“I pretty much wanted to limit my dating field to Roman Catholics because I couldn’t imagine living out my years outside the arms of Holy Mother Church,” Bill says, “but I didn’t want to be lonely either." Bill’s ideal was to find a woman who wanted to be a mother to his four children (then ages 12,17,19, and 23), though he acknowledged that nobody could truly replace their natural mother.
Bill and Suzanne enjoyed online dating, even before they started dating each other.
Bill enjoyed the dating process. Aware that friends fixing him up with women could only take him so far, he liked being able to safely peruse profiles of Catholic women and meet them in person if they both felt comfortable. “I never had any trouble with the quantity, and frankly, the quality of ladies I met,” Bill says. Even so, he hadn’t yet met a person who he felt led to marry.
“While I was open to remarriage, I was enjoying the journey to that point,” he says.
Suzanne was enjoying her dating journey too, and learning a lot—about men and about herself. Her most important criteria for a man was that he share her deep love of the Catholic faith.
In her experience, Suzanne also learned it’s best to let men be the pursuers. “Ladies, a profile look, a profile comment, or forum talk is great, but don’t chase them!” she recommends. She realized that forming a premature bond with a man, when he might later lose interest or cancel a date, only leads to disappointment. When that happens, her advice is to just let it go.
“When I learned to just enjoy the gentleman’s company, be it for an hour or an afternoon, I started to have fun,” she shares. It was great to simply go out, talk, listen, and learn about the other person.
“In a nutshell, I kept my standards high, and lowered my expectations,” she reveals.
“I also learned there are a lot of hurting, wounded men in this world, even on CatholicMatch. It’s so sad. Those wounds hold a lot of men back. Ladies, pray for them.”
Suzanne just kept appearing in Bill's searches. And he couldn't stop thinking about her.
Early in his communication with Suzanne, Bill had changed his search radius and was still dating other women. “But Suzanne kept appearing and I kept getting more interested,” he says. They exchanged cell phone numbers and started texting. A few weeks later, they met in person for the first time. Bill drove three hours from his home in Ohio to Suzanne’s hometown of Ann Arbor, Michigan.
At the Grizzly Peak Brew Pub, they shared a great meal and some craft beer, then saw the movie Love and Mercy about Beach Boys singer Brian Wilson. After the movie, they went out for ice cream. They also stopped by Saint Thomas the Apostle church, where Suzanne attended Mass. Online, Bill had been drawn to Suzanne for her love of family, but in person, he was taken by her bubbly personality and attractive appearance.
For her part, Suzanne hadn’t believed much would come of her in-person date with Bill. She thought his CM profile was “just okay” and his photos were “so-so.” With lowered expectations, she didn’t give much thought to her hair, makeup, or clothes on that first date.
“When I first saw Bill, I could not believe how much better looking he was in person!” she laughs. “But that’s for the eyes. What spoke to my heart on that first date was the love he had for his first wife, the journey they walked together and separately as her brain cancer progressed, the care he gave to her, and sadly, her death.”
A successful first date led to another, and another, and another. So they decided to start getting their families involved.
After that successful first date, they wanted to see each other again. Their second date was at an Italian restaurant in Toledo, Ohio, during a driving rainstorm. “We had a great time, laughing, talking, drinking a little wine and eating pasta,” Bill remembers. Their third date was a Rolling Stones Concert in Buffalo, New York, and their fourth date (the next day) was at Niagara Falls in Ontario, Canada. “Four dates, three states, one province, and two countries,” Bill exclaims. “We were on a roll!”
With their attraction growing, Suzanne invited Bill and his 15-year-old son to join her and her 15-year-old nephew for a trip to “Up North” Michigan. Bill agreed to meet Suzanne on the north side of Mackinac Bridge between Lakes Huron and Michigan. Unknown to Suzanne at the time, Bill has an intense fear of heights. The bridge is five miles long and stands 200 feet above the water. “When I met him on the north side, he was pale and still shaking,” she remembers. “Despite that, he didn’t give up on me.”
During that Michigan trip, Bill met Suzanne’s friends. While the boys went fishing, Bill and Suzanne went boating. Bill also played golf, and they simply relaxed together. “Bill says he fell in love with me and ‘Up North’ Michigan at the same time,” Suzanne smiles.
After many happy dates, they were engaged! But more challenges, like a long-distance engagement, lay ahead.
Before long, they were engaged. But their burgeoning relationship was not without challenges. Living three hours apart in different states, time and distance were a factor. “Even though I was retired from employment, I remained fully engaged in my four children’s lives and trying to maintain a household,” Bill says.
Suzanne worked an intense job, with some weekend work, and it was challenging for her to get back and forth to Ohio when when it was her turn to travel. Also, some family and friends were concerned about the relatively brief time between their first meeting and engagement. Even so, it didn’t take long for Bill to be accepted into Suzanne’s circle of family and friends, who they both now call “our friends.”
Before marrying, Suzanne sought spiritual confirmation that Bill was "the one."
During their engagement, another unexpected challenge arose. Suzanne was found to have heart changes that required a catheterization to determine if she had a serious heart-lung condition.
“I did not know if I would be disabled from it and offered Bill the opportunity to ‘back out’ if he wanted to,” she says. Bill absolutely and vehemently refused. Bill accompanied Suzanne for the heart catheterization and waited for the results. “My heart and lungs were fine, and the changes are my ‘new normal,’” Suzanne reveals. “Bill is a great caregiver and comforter!”
Even before this experience, Suzanne had determined to vet any potential husband by asking to speak with his priest. She went to confession one Saturday in Bill’s parish. After her absolution, Bill’s priest said, “I’m so happy to meet you, and happy for Bill. I know the quality of a man when I see how he cares for an ill wife. Bill is a super guy!”
Their wedding was a family affair, stretching into days.
Convinced that God had brought them together, Bill and Suzanne married each other at Holy Spirit church in Brighton, Michigan. The whole experience was a joyous, quirky celebration that spanned four days. On Thursday, in 92-degree heat, they ran errands as out-of-town family and friends arrived for the event. Their party of 30 people overwhelmed a tiny local tavern for dinner and karaoke practice.
Friday featured a golf outing for most of the men. Bill’s brother’s golf shoe exploded and he played the last few holes barefoot. Suzanne took a crowd to the Ann Arbor Art Fair and lunch at the Grizzly Peak (the site of their first date).
After more errands, everyone showed up at the church for the wedding rehearsal. The rehearsal dinner was attended by every single out-of-town guest, as well as people unable to attend the wedding ceremony the next day. Bill and Suzanne arrived late to the dinner; it was so crowded they had to wedge themselves into a side table to eat.
The wedding coordinator showed Suzanne the room where she could get dressed in privacy for the ceremony. Suzanne told her she would just get dressed at home and Bill would drive her to the church in his blue truck.
“You’re going to come to the church in his truck?” the coordinator asked dubiously.
“I’m going to wash the truck,” Bill assured her.
On Saturday, Bill and Suzanne showed up to the church in his clean truck. They purposely chose simple, casual clothing, dispensing with many cultural traditions associated with an American wedding. At the altar, their brothers and Suzanne’s girlfriends stood by their side as witnesses.
Family and friends lectored, cantored, were altar servers, and Extraordinary Minsters of Holy Communion. Bill and Suzanne’s two-year-old grandson stole the show by rolling and doing a somersault in the center aisle. Their favorite part was the exchange of vows in the solemn wedding Mass.
Their wedding ceremony was the perfect way to witness their Catholic faith to their guests.
Bill and Suzanne cherished the opportunity to witness their Catholic faith to their wedding guests. “Sadly, we have many family and friends that are away from the Church or have never had good catechesis or faith formation,” Suzanne shares. “Our wedding Mass was an opportunity for them to encounter Our Lord, hear the Word of God, and be present at that precious moment of Consecration when the bread and wine become the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Our Lord, Jesus Christ."
After the wedding, in 98-degree heat, they roasted a pig, cut their cake, laughed, danced, sang karaoke, visited with family and friends, and finished with a water balloon toss. On Sunday morning, everyone gathered again for breakfast, followed by Mass, and final good-byes. “It was four days of fun, fellowship and love!” Suzanne recalls.
Married life has been blissful but challenging.
“Married life has bordered on blissful,” Bill says.
“Bliss? Can you tell that he is drinking very strong Kool-Aid?” Suzanne laughs.
Since being married, they acknowledge they’ve been challenged by family illnesses, deaths, and a newly diagnosed autistic child for whom Suzanne has become a second mom. But both say they have only grown stronger. “Our biggest adjustment was getting to know each other on less than our best behavior that one would exhibit on a date,” Bill confesses. “But prayer, faith and honesty always overcame these challenges.”
Suzanne said her biggest challenge after they got married was letting Bill worry about her and take care of her. “Due to my circumstances I had been independent and self-sufficient for years,” she admits. Bill worries when Suzanne makes long-distance car drives. Their compromise? When she drives (alone) to see her children (550 miles), she no longer drives through the night.
Another challenge for Suzanne was leaving her community and employer of 30 years. “Bill is so gracious when I need to return to Michigan for a random appointment, take care of my mom, or just get a ‘girlfriend fix,’” she says.
The couple's families have grown and adjusted to a new member in their lives.
With such compromises and mutual support, Bill and Suzanne are enjoying their new life together. Suzanne’s 30-year-old son and his wife have given them three grandchildren. “They have all grown to love Bill, and the grandsons love ‘Papa Bill,’” Suzanne shares
Since Bill’s four children lost their mother to a long and hard battle with brain cancer, the remarriage meant their father was ready to move forward with his life, close the chapter of being a widower to Joanne, and become a husband again. Over time, Bill and Suzanne believe his children have adjusted to having Suzanne as a stepmother. “I received a coffee mug that calls me a ‘bonus mom’ this past Christmas,” she shares. “We talk about Joanne, and our cluster of family portraits on the living room includes a wedding portrait of Bill and Joanne.”
Suzanne has also continued a family tradition in Cleveland of having a Mass said for deceased family members in the month of November. Bill and Suzanne invite whoever can join them to Mass, make a cemetery visit to Joanne and her parents’ graves, and have a meal afterward. “The kids seem to appreciate it,” Suzanne says.
Suzanne shared some of her insights on dating after divorce with us:
Suzanne also shared that she never would have moved forward with Bill—or anyone else—until her first marriage was annulled. She was legally separated from her first husband for two years, then divorced for two-and-a half years before she received a Declaration of Nullity. Her CatholicMatch subscription was a Christmas present to herself after the annulment.
“I did not date nor seek male friendships before that,” she says. “I had spent many, many years during my first marriage at the foot of the Cross, and in my darkest hours the image of Divine Mercy would flash before me. Without a Declaration of Nullity from Holy Mother Church I was still married in Her eyes. How could I turn my back on Jesus Christ, Jesus in the Eucharist, and Holy Mother Church? How could I put myself on CatholicMatch if I wasn’t truly single?”
Before meeting Bill, Suzanne admitted those “in between” years were hard, lonely, but also grace-filled. “I wish every Catholic would take those years to grow as an individual, learn who they are, and re-acquaint themselves with our Lord.”
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