He Was the First and Only Man She Talked to Online!

In April of 2015, Phillip from California re-subscribed to CatholicMatch.

Several years previous, he’d been a member for a brief stint but “nothing happened.” He’d also seriously discerned priesthood and, in fact, believed for a while that he was being called to that vocation.

He “wanted to hear Confessions, to celebrate the Mass, [even] to wear all black.” But when it came time to apply, he was torn between several different orders. His spiritual director encouraged him to pump the brakes, telling him that applying to multiple places would be “like dating two girls at once. If the other(s) finds out, they won’t like it!” Gradually, Phillip realized that while priesthood is a beautiful calling, it was perhaps not his calling.

And when he signed on to CatholicMatch, he found out why. 

Betsy, from the Philippines, had also discerned religious life, and starting at age 19, spent 5 years in a convent. She discerned out at age 24, and at age 26 signed up for CatholicMatch on a whim after seeing an advertisement for the site.

Phillip was the first man to message her, and the only man she talked to! 

Phillip was surprised to see Betsy posing with a teddy bear in her main profile picture! But beyond the surprise factor, he “fell in love with her face.” As he read through her profile, he was thrilled to see that they shared Filipino heritage plus a love of and commitment to the Catholic Faith. And, they had both discerned vocations. As he read, he had a sense of “a hand fitting in a glove or two hands coming together.”

But Betsy didn’t feel quite the same way at first...

She reported, “I wasn’t particularly attracted to his pictures”! His main profile picture “was dark and blurry,” but because apart from the photos “his profile looked good,” she gave him a chance.

Their communication got off to a slow start, though, because she didn’t have a paid subscription when she received his first message! She waited nine days for it to be unlocked, and then could only respond with an emoji!

Once again, though, the relationship almost didn’t get off the ground because Betsy didn’t like being nearly three years older than Phillip. In fact, she told him “Maybe we can just be friends!”

But Phillip was persistent in his pursuit, and eventually, the age difference felt less important to her. On June 30th, 2015, she agreed to be his girlfriend. 

Because of the 7,000 mile distance and 15-hour time difference, intentionality, patience, and trust became the cornerstones of Betsy and Phillip’s budding relationship.

Phillip acknowledged, “a long-distance relationship is never ideal. First, I started out with my search perimeter in the Bay area, and then expanded to the rest of the state, then the western United States, then the whole United States. After that, it was Latin America, and the Philippines was the last option.” Fortunately, at the time they met, Betsy was working for a U.S.-based publishing company, so she was awake mostly during the same time Phillip was. 

They consistently spent time getting to know each other through Google Hangouts, and at the end of July Phillip, who was a teacher at that time, bought a ticket for Christmas break. His first trip took 20 hours, thanks in part to a long layover, and cost him roughly $2,000!

Due to an allergic reaction to some food on the plane, he was not only jet-lagged but felt physically ill when he saw Betsy in person. Still, he agreed to go to Mass shortly after arriving because he thought it would look bad if he refused! 

Phillip stayed in the Philippines for 10 days, which might seem like a long time for a first visit. He was unfazed though, because he decided that if the relationship didn’t work out he would still have a nice vacation!

There was nothing to worry about, he soon learned. Both he and Betsy felt that they clicked instantly once they were in person. Betsy observed, “It was not awkward. It felt very natural, as if we had known each other for a long time.” 

During that visit, on December 21st, Phillip proposed to Betsy in front of her whole family.

Asked what her family thought of their relationship and proposal, Betsy shared, “My mom said, ‘if [Betsy] is okay with it, go ahead [and ask her]!” 

Getting engaged during their first in-person visit didn’t feel rushed to Betsy and Phillip in part because the marriage prep process, on both the civil and religious levels, in the Philippines is quite stringent. Phillip commented that, “The Vatican and the Philippines are the only two countries in the world that don’t allow divorce.” To that end, the Philippines takes discernment of marriage and the marriage preparation process quite seriously. Among other requirements, Phillip had to fill out “an extremely long questionnaire” for the Philippine civil authorities, and then be interviewed by “a super stern, very serious monsignor.” Because he was not yet 25 years old when he got married, Phillip and his mother (his father is deceased) both had to go to the U.S. consulate in the Philippines to prove that his parents had been notified of his plans. 

The couple completed the entire marriage preparation process satisfactorily for both the civil and religious authorities, and on June 30th, 2016, they were married—a year to the day since they formally became boyfriend and girlfriend.

They said their vows in the Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral. Their wedding Mass was the first Mass offered in the traditional rite (from the 1962 missal in Latin) since Vatican II! The Cathedral was particularly significant to Betsy because she had been confirmed there, and because in college she’d frequently walked by and thought “if I ever get married, I want it to be here!” 

When Betsy and Phillip got married, he had been in the country since May.

But because she didn’t yet have a visa, in August he returned to the United States without his bride. Betsy conceived during their short time together, but devastatingly suffered through a miscarriage alone after he had left. In total, 11 months passed between their wedding day and her arrival to the U.S., which fittingly took place on the 4th of July, 2017. 

The couple struggled with infertility for six years in total before welcoming their sweet son Edmund in early 2023.

Betsy reflected on the patience that every aspect of their relationship has required. First, they had to wait to see each other because of the long distance. Then, they waited until marriage to have sex. Next, they waited to be together even after their wedding. And then they waited years before they were blessed with Edmund. 

Betsy and Phillip offered sage advice to other couples facing a long-distance relationship.

Phillip encouraged, “Be open to follow God’s will. Pray. Trust in Our Lord and the Blessed Mother. Value our faith. Many people told me, ‘I’m happy that you’re happy’ [as if that was enough for a lasting relationship]. But my grandmother told me to make faith the cornerstone of my marriage.” Even with everything they’ve been through together, or perhaps because of it, Phillip said, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” 

Betsy echoed her husband, saying “Entrust your relationship to the Blessed Mother.” She urged, “Have trust. In a long-distance relationship, it’s easy to be suspicious of the other person, to misread their messages or misinterpret why they’re not messaging or communicating.” She continued, “Be forgiving, and if you’re at fault, forgive yourself and ask forgiveness.”