Chris, 44, and Abbey, 40, were sitting on her couch, about to watch a movie when he told her for the first time.
“I love you, dear,” he said off-handedly.
“I was like a deer in headlights,” Abbey said. “Did that just slip or did he actually mean it? Was it worse to ask for clarification?” She quickly responded: “I love you too."
Chris exhaled and said, "I love you, but that's not how I wanted it to come out!” Both had been anxiously waiting for the other to say it, but did not want to pressure each other.
The two met on CatholicMatch in December 2018. Chris was on the site for a year and a half. He sent Abbey a wave about a year before they met, but she somehow missed it.
Chris had tried other dating sites, but was frustrated he wasn’t finding anyone who shared his faith.
One day, he ran across Abbey’s CatholicMatch profile again and gave it another try.
He liked a few of her photos. She liked a few of his in return. Chris initiated the conversation. They felt an instant connection as they talked over the phone, and Abbey was excited to meet him.
Nine days later, they met in person at her church for Mass. Chris was so happy, he told her pastor this was their first date. “I felt there was something special about her from the moment I met her,” Chris said. The feeling was mutual. Abbey liked his smiling eyes and appreciated that he was seven out of seven on Catholic teaching.
“I quickly noticed how safe I felt around him, and that he is a very happy guy,” she said.
They met for a second date at the National Shrine and prayed together. “She is the first person I ever prayed with,” Chris said.
On another early date, they met at a church halfway between his home in Pennsylvania and hers in Virginia. They prayed together again and Chris asked Abbey to stand in front of the altar with him. “He had already let me know that he wanted to marry me, and though I wasn't ready to tell him yet, I was pretty certain I wanted to marry him too,” Abbey said.
Both were previously married. As they shared their stories, they learned they had both married the first time on January 9, 1999. Both marriages were later annulled.
“The annulment process was long, but I trusted in God and received a lot of support from my family and parish priest,” Chris said. “What it did for me was validate the sanctity of marriage. I felt emotionally and spiritually relieved.” Abbey felt the same about her annulment. “It meant that everything was done and complete,” she said.
They moved forward with their relationship, meeting frequently at a halfway point between Pennsylvania and Virginia.
The geographic distance and Abbey’s demanding work schedule presented challenges. Both have children, so there was little extra time or flexibility in their schedules to see each other as much as they wanted.
“That was our biggest obstacle,” Abbey said. But it was not the only one. Because their relationship progressed so quickly, Abbey’s family and friends were concerned when she decided to sell her house and business and move to a different state.
“As time progressed they saw what a good man Chris is and how happy we were together,” Abbey said.
They soon got engaged. Abbey said planning their wedding and reception felt minor in comparison to the time-consuming tasks of selling her house and business so she could move.
On December 28, 2019, a year after meeting on CatholicMatch, Abbey and Chris married at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church in Harrisonburg, Virginia.
They wanted to honeymoon somewhere holy. “We discussed going to Hawaii to visit where Saint Damian of Molokai lived among the lepers,” Abbey said. Chris researched the Papal audience for newlyweds at the Vatican. Due to the holidays, they would not be able to attend.
Undaunted, Chris requested tickets to the Pope’s January 1 Mass at St Peter's. They were approved a few weeks before the wedding, so they honeymooned in Rome.
“While at the Mass, we truly felt we were part of the universal Church,” Abbey said.
Chris made sure Abbey was able to get as close as possible to Pope Francis as he processed in—about 10 feet away.
They enjoyed the rest of their time in Rome visiting relics and holy sites, and appreciating the local food and history.
Since then, they have been enjoying the blessings, and negotiating the challenges, of married life. Abbey admitted they have very different personalities. “But even that's not been so hard,” she said. “I ask myself what is Love asking me to do in this situation, and that helps me know how to respond to Chris.”
For his part, Chris says his biggest challenge has been a limit of freedom. “I can't do whatever I want, whenever I want anymore,” he said. “But I can't say that my freedom has really been limited, though. I'm freer in a greater sense, free to love.”
That love shows itself in how the couple has blended their families.
Abbey's children are older and away at school. Chris's children live primarily with their mother. Soon after meeting Abbey, Chris began ongoing conversations with them about Abbey.
“Chris really has taken the lead in this and done a great job in setting the conditions for his kids to have a good relationship with me,” Abbey said. “He's also reached out to my children from very early on, showing interests in their interests and helping them with projects. We use each other as a resource when it comes to parenting.”
Chris claimed the best part of marriage is getting to live with his best friend, mutually supporting each other, and living out the sacrament. Abbey said the best part for her has been allowing Chris to see more of her, especially the rough edges.
“He tells me that's precisely where he loves me the most!” Abbey said. “I'm able to see God's love for me in Chris's love for me in a deeper way.”
Chris said his Catholic faith is at the center of who he is. “I wanted to marry someone who shared that faith and believed in the sanctity of marriage,” he said. Abbey felt the same: “I appreciate how committed he is to having a happy marriage!”
