Erik & Shannon Thought They Had Vocations to the Religious Life
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Erik and Shannon both thought they had a calling to the religious life, but God had other plans for them.
In 2013, Shannon, 28, had been actively discerning the religious life for six months and Erik, 29, had been in the seminary for three years. Separately they came to the conclusion that they were called to marriage.
A few months before she joined CatholicMatch, Shannon stayed with the Dominican nuns in
Buffalo, New York, for a month. “I thought I would love it, but it turns out I actually had a really hard time there. No one knew I had a hard time, but I struggled with praying and everything like that. I left confused because I really wanted to be called to religious life,” says Shannon. A few months later, she came across CatholicMatch. “I joined for the heck of it. I wasn’t thinking it would be serious at all.”
Erik had been at St. Philip’s Seminary in Toronto for three years. “He had really wanted to become a monk, but his spiritual director told him that the life seemed too easy for him,” says Shannon. Erik’s spiritual director felt like he possibly wasn’t being called to be a monk. Erik agreed with his director, so he decided to work for a while and date. He joined CatholicMatch three months before meeting Shannon.
On the day that she joined CatholicMatch, which also happened to be the Feast of St. Raphael (the patron saint of CatholicMatch), Shannon received a message from Erik. Shannon says she liked his profile picture, but wasn’t sure about his write-up. “He compared himself to Mr. Bean and that scared me. I personally don’t even think Mr. Bean is funny, so I was like, ‘I don’t know if that’s going to work out.’”
Even though she wasn’t sure about his sense of humor, Shannon did like that he seemed very honest. “As soon as I got his message, I decided I wanted to message him back, so I signed up for the subscription.” After Shannon messaged Erik, they communicated on CatholicMatch for a little bit and then Skyped before meeting in person.
Shannon Wasn’t Sure She Wanted to Meet
Even though she liked him when they were messaging back and forth, Shannon was very hesitant to meet Erik. “I thought, ‘This is stupid. I’m never going to meet my soul mate on the internet. Maybe I’m still going to be a nun,’” recalls Shannon. Luckily, Erik convinced Shannon that they should have lunch as friends.
“When he showed up to the door, something in me knew that we’d get married,” Shannon reminisces. “He had a big smile and he gave me a really warm hug. He was just exactly what I pictured and better. When you’re talking to someone online, you get a picture of who they are and what they’re like in your mind. When I met him, he was even better than that.”
For their first date, they went to sushi for lunch and visited the Our Lady of Victory Basilica. “He brought his guitar, because he sings and plays, and he played me a bunch of songs, which was really cool.” They also took a walk along the train tracks in Orchard Park, NY, where Shannon lived. “We just talked about tons of stuff. One of the questions he asked me was ‘how long would I wait to get married,’ which was funny for both of us because usually that would freak me out if someone said that, but I wasn’t freaked out because it was him. Later, he said I couldn’t believe he asked me that on the first date,” says Shannon.
Not wanting to be rash by falling for for the first man she met on CatholicMatch, Shannon forced herself to go on two dates with other members after her date with Erik. “They went horribly,” remembers Shannon. She found herself comparing the men to Erik.
Relationship & Proposal
Particularly because they had both discerned the religious life, Shannon and Erik place extra emphasis on the role of faith in their lives. “Each other’s faith was our number one priority. When we were looking at profiles, we looked for whether they agreed with all the teachings of the Church. We also both go to daily mass, and he was the only guy whose profile said he went to daily mass.” One of their favorite things to do together is attend High Mass.
They also enjoy just being with each other. “We just chill out together. We’d go on walks together or watch a movie. Sometimes he would play guitar and we’d sing together,” remembers Shannon.
Shannon says that Erik living in Canada was a little bit of an issue. “Knowing that I would have
to emigrate was kind of tough, but we just got over it because we knew were meant to be together. So the obstacles like him being Canadian didn’t end up really affecting it.”
Four months after they started dating, Erik proposed to Shannon. “I didn’t want a ring or a big deal. He just took me to a restaurant and proposed. He actually did give me a ring, but it was his mom’s confirmation ring. That was nice because I didn’t want him spending money on a ring,” says Shannon.
An Earlier Wedding Date Proved to Be A Blessing
They originally planned their wedding for October 11, 2014, but after sending out the invitations, they decided they didn’t want to keep going back and forth. “We decided that only seeing each other on the weekends was too crazy. We were positive, so we thought ‘Let’s just get married.’”
Their wedding was small because not many people from Shannon’s side could make it over from the states, but Shannon says it was beautiful wedding. The couple had a High Mass and a reception in an old antique house.
One thing makes Shannon especially grateful that she changed the date of her wedding. “The closest person to me in my family was my grandpa, and he was one of the few people in my family who was able to make it to my wedding. In September, right before the original date, he died. If we had kept the original date, he would have died two weeks before my wedding. I don’t know if I would have been emotionally able to get married because he was the closest person to me in my family. I was really upset and it was fortunate that I was actually married to Erik for the funeral and things. It really helped that I was with him. I was really happy that we moved it up.”
Marriage
It’s been a little over a year and a half since they married, and Shannon and Erik feel like their marriage just keeps getting better and better. “I can’t even fathom life without him. It seems like we’ve been together forever and like we just got married yesterday at the same time. In the beginning, we’d have a couple little spats but we so rarely ever have them now. We’ve learned how to not upset the other person—even in small things. We’ve also learned the things that the other person appreciates and we do those things. The more you know someone, the more you can do the things that are important to him and avoid the things that might bother him,” says Shannon.
Don't be afraid to meet someone in a weird way
Shannon and Erik offered some advice for people who are still discerning their vocation. Shannon says the most important thing we can do is to listen to God. He makes it clear, so don’t make a decision before He let’s you know what to do. He let me know before Erik, and he let Erik know before the engagement.”
Even though he realized that he was not called to be a monk, Erik still values the years that he spent in the seminary. “Being God-centered allowed me to yearn to marry Shannon for the right reasons; not looking for a pretty girl to have fun with but a beloved spouse who I can devote my life to and run towards God with.”
He also says the time prepared him for a happy marriage. “In any human relationship, but especially marriage, pride or self-centeredness is a deadly poison which destroys the bonds of charity and peace. If I hadn’t spent that time in the seminary, I wouldn't have had the time for self-reflection and prayer which helped me to put others first. Also, my discernment helped me to be absolutely certain of my vocation as Shannon’s husband, an incredibly joyful certainty to have,” exclaims Erik.
Shannon also offers advice for those who are certain their vocation is marriage: “The thing I say to people now is don’t be afraid to try online or to meet someone in a weird way. Don’t have any preconceived notions about who or where you’ll meet the person you’re supposed to be with, because if you leave it to God, he works through anything. I don’t even like going on computers, so I definitely didn’t think I’d find my husband through the internet.”