After losing his wife, Dolly, Jerry, now 76, joined CatholicMatch to explore the possibility of remarrying. “I had been happily married for 48 years. As a faithful Catholic, I knew that any new romantic relationship had to be marriage to a woman of strong Catholic faith. It was unlikely that I would meet this kind of woman on my own, making CatholicMatch an obvious choice.”
Edda, 69, from Brooklyn, who was also a widow, was not particularly interested in remarriage or even dating someone. But after repeated prodding from a friend of hers, Edda reluctantly gave her permission for her friend to make her a profile on CatholicMatch—and for her friend to field profiles for her.
When Jerry saw Edda, or as he calls her, "Egdita" on the website, she fit all his criteria, which was that the woman be a widow of a comparable age who answered "Yes" to all of the questions about Church doctrine. “I was drawn to Egdita by her obvious devotion to the faith. And to be frank, the strikingly attractive photos didn't hurt,” shares Jerry, who lives in Philadelphia.
But at the time, Edda wasn't even reading the site, leaving everything up to her friend. “I was one of several men who responded to Egdita's posting. Her friend saw something noteworthy in my response and profile and brought me to Egdita's attention. It was a definite plus that, as a retired journalist, I knew how to express myself in writing,” says Jerry. He made sure to tailor his responses to Edda instead of sending her a canned message. “Noting that she was a native of South America, I opened the conversation with comments about the newly elected Pope from Argentina,” adds Jerry.
Edda’s friend was duly impressed by Jerry, and she told Edda, "You really should look into this one."
“And so she did,” says Jerry.
The only problem on our first date was that I was underdressed
Even though they only lived 100 miles apart, Edda and Jerry corresponded online for four months before they met in person because of travel and work commitments. Jerry shares that the delay impacted their relationship positively. “We both can write fluently, and we really bonded during that period. By the time we met, we were already ‘simpatico,’ and there was no first-date awkwardness.”
The
day before their first date, Edda took a train from New York to Philadelphia, and they met for breakfast at her hotel the following morning.
“I was wearing what I thought was perfectly acceptable casual attire, but when I saw how elegantly Egdita was dressed—she is always fashionably clad—I felt like I should have a cardboard sign, saying, ‘Will work for food,’” laughs Jerry. “Fortunately, she overlooked my sartorial blunder, and has since taught her man how to dress.”
After breakfast, they took an obligatory visit to Independence Hall, attended the 12:15 Mass at the Shrine of St. John Neumann, and ate lunch before Edda caught the train back to New York. For the next date, Jerry traveled to Brooklyn to see Edda. After that, they took turns riding the train to see each other. “Thank God for the senior discount on New Jersey Transit trains,” exclaims Jerry.
Jerry had dated a few other women on CatholicMatch, but when he met Edda, he knew she was different. “The dates with other women were pleasant enough, but with Egdita, the spark was there from the start, and I immediately had no interest in dating anyone else,” shares Jerry. “It was obviously too early for a commitment after one date, but I was immediately convinced that if Egdita wasn't the one, there wouldn't be anyone.”
Believe it or not, even at our age, romance is still very much alive!
As expected for members of CatholicMatch, Jerry and Edda shared their Catholic faith. “Almost every date included a Mass somewhere. Even now that we're married, our finest time of the day is the time we spend at Mass (almost every day) and Scripture study (absolutely every day).”
But their relationship isn’t only based on Catholicism. “We like hanging out together. We truly enjoy each other's company, whether it's sharing a meal, taking a road trip, or just watching TV. And believe it or not, even at our advanced age, romance is still very much alive!”
Of course, no person or relationship is perfect. “We both had to make adjustments. I knew I had to change certain behaviors or lose Egdita. Since I value our marriage more than my bad habits, it was an easy decision: CHANGE!”
Jerry says that they learned to adjust with love and the power of prayer. “A lifetime habit can be very difficult to break, but as St. Paul says: ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ The adjustments never end. I was still discovering new things about Dolly up to the day she died. Egdita and I are sure it will be the same with us, but we're ready for it,” counsels Jerry.
After I gave her a diamond, she gave me a beautiful man's ring
“I knew I wanted to marry Egdita long before she gave any indication that she wanted the same
thing,” shares Jerry. He says he started with some humorous, lighthearted hints, then continued with “some very romantic but chaste (we're Catholic, remember?) moments.”
On a road trip to the Poconos, they both simply acknowledged that they should marry. “Some time later, in a private moment, I made the traditional drop to one knee and presented Egdita with a diamond. Soon after, she gave me a beautiful man's ring.”
Thirteen months later, the couple had the small wedding, with their children and a few of their siblings in attendance, in the rectory chapel at the St. John Neumann Shrine where they attended Mass on their first date. During their relationship, the Shrine had become a special place, and they had become good friends with one of the Redemptorist priests at the shrine. “He was our advisor in preparing us for marriage, and he also officiated at the wedding. Despite the small venue, we had a full Nuptial Mass. We then had a very nice reception at an upscale Italian restaurant in the Philly suburbs.”
Jerry says being remarried has been less difficult than he expected. “I loved Dolly deeply, but I realized that looking for a "clone" would be a little creepy—and extremely unfair to both women (if you've seen the Hitchcock classic, Vertigo, you'll understand what I mean). Except for a strong commitment to the faith, Dolly and Egdita had little in common, so everything in this marriage is a brand-new experience.”
Continue Reading
