Tony, 69, had been on CatholicMatch for 31 days when he came across Barbara’s posts in the "Widows/Widowers" and "Over-45" forums. “I was intrigued and attracted by her intelligence, writing style, and courtesy toward others. Then I read her profile, and it was a completely consistent portrait of the lady I wanted to meet.”
Tony promptly messaged Barbara, 69, to tell her how impressed he was with her posts. For
Barbara, this was a prayer being answered. She had hoped that a gentleman would become attracted to her through her forum posts—which she believed better showed her personality. Barbara sent him a message with an unconventional question: “What would you do if you had five hours of free time with nothing to do?”
Tony responded that he would spend the time either by enjoying a Wagnerian opera, like Die Walkre, or by taking a long hike in the woods. From there, the couple asked each other more questions. They bonded over the fact that they had both lost their spouses.
Tony’s wife had died from the effects of early-onset Alzheimer’s, while Barbara’s husband had died of brain cancer. Barbara and her husband had been blessed with 10 children—four biological and six adopted children with special medical needs—and when he died, they still had seven children at home.
Getting to Know Each Other
By the end of the first day, the couple had exchanged phone numbers. Since they lived 700 miles apart, they also began to Skype a few days later. “Skype showed even more of our personalities to each other—and we could see the twinkle in each other’s eyes,” says Tony. The couple was unfazed by the long distance between Florida and Texas. “A long-distance relationship appeared to be necessary due to our ages and lack of likely suitable Catholic spouses locally,” says Tony.
Neither of them was interested in having an uncertain relationship—they wanted a Catholic marriage—so they set
a timetable for the milestones in their relationship that would help them discern marriage.
The plan was to have a first face-to-face meeting by the end of May; make a decision on whether the relationship should go forward by the end of August; and, God willing, engagement by the end of October. “We were aware that we were older and did not have years to indulge in ‘maybe or perhaps’ scenarios,” says Tony.
Barbara and Tony called their dating period “A Book Club for Two.” They spent many hours on Skype or on the phone reading books page by page to each other and discussing what they had read.
One of the books that especially touched their relationship was Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love by Dietrich von Hildebrand. “His teaching captured our minds and hearts,” says Tony.
The First Meeting
The first face-to-face meeting was at the end of May. “It was unconventional to say the least,” says Tony. Tony flew to Florida, and the next day Barbara and most of her children picked him up and drove to her daughter’s graduation at a residential high school for the deaf. “The road trip revealed how well five of her young adult and adolescent adopted children got along and how much they respected their mother. This was a good sign,” says Tony.
The second face-to-face was when Barbara and her eldest daughter flew to Texas. “We spent most of the first day having the adventure of getting lost driving around Houston and suddenly finding ourselves on toll roads with no change.” Their subsequent visits involved seeing each other in their day-to-day lives. Tony was able to see Barbara managing a large family up close and personal, and Barbara saw Tony preparing for classes, preparing laboratory experiments, or grading papers and exams.
They Were Meant for Each Other
By the end of August, the couple was convinced that they were meant for each other—not only
on
an emotional level, but also on an intellectual and spiritual level.
They also made sure to meet with their parish priests to discuss their relationship, and they received approval from their family members.
By late October 2014, Tony asked Barbara to be his wife. She accepted his proposal and the couple was married in March of 2015.
